Ebbe
Well-known member
I have been talking to a therapist for a few months now (although I've only had 4 sessions in total), and I thought it would be nice to share insights with you that I haven't read or heard anywhere before. I will try to word them in such a way that it reflects the way they became insights to me, but since I am really bad at expressing my exact thoughts, I might not always succeed in getting my point across. Please ask me to explain something if I am not being clear. These Insights are of course very personal and might not apply to you at all, but I hope they help someone.
Okay, here goes:
Breathing
On the first day we talked about small talk and how difficult I find it. She wanted to see what happened to me when someone initiated small talk with me, so she started with some random remarks. Of course my mind went blank immediately and I started panicking a little. She was monitoring me closely and she said that it seemed like I had stopped breathing for a while. So insight no.1: I should focus on my breathing when my mind goes blank.
Getting back to reality
At that moment I was still feeling panicky, so to bring me back to the here and now, she made me do the following exercise:
-First I should name 5 things that I heard.
-Then I should name 5 things that I saw.
-And then I should name 5 things that I felt.
Afterwards I had to go over all these things, and see which ones made me feel most in touch with reality. To me those were the things that I felt, and in particular the way I felt my feet touching the ground. Insight no.2: After I have my breathing under control, I will focus on what I am feeling physically to get back to reality.
Change in viewpoint during childhood
I really can't remember what we discussed during the second session, but the third one was very helpful. We talked about what events could have triggered my SA in childhood.
I remembered the following as a very powerful event: When I was 9 or 10 I was telling my mother an enthusiastic story about something trivial. I was yapping of about it and I suddenly saw in my mother's expression that she thought my story was silly and childish. At that moment I felt embarrassed about not having told my story in a more grownup way and the feeling of happiness that I had during my story telling had suddenly changed into shame. Around that time I started to overly monitor people's facial responses for rejection, and I started overanalysing everything I said, and I started to become labeled as shy. Insight no. 3: I can pinpoint the exact difference between how I felt before I started to develop SAD and after. I should think about the happy feeling I had before SAD kicked in and try to re-experience that feeling whenever I am starting to feel embarrassed in a situation.
Leave the SAD at the door
My therapist gave me an even more concrete insight, namely that it is impossible to be socially active and at the same time monitor people for any sign of rejection. So insight no. 4: Whenever I go to a place were I shall be socially active, I try to imagine leaving the part of me that overly monitors everyone at the door.
Try to reason with other SAD self
In the fourth session, we talked about what my relationship was with this part of me that wanted to overanalyse everything. I realised it felt like something that had been placed on top of my fun, happy self. It feels a bit like a blanket that covers the real me up. So my therapist asked me to have a dialogue between the 'real' me and the 'SAD' me. She suggested that the real me should tell the SAD me to go away. During the dialogue in the session I totally froze up, so I had to do this again once I was on my own. Insight no. 5 I should repeat to my SAD me that she should f*** off. Or kindly ask her to do something more constructive.
I will leave it at that for now. If this is helpful for any of you, I will try to summarize what happens in my next session. I really hope all my future sessions will be as fruitful as these ones have been.
Okay, here goes:
Breathing
On the first day we talked about small talk and how difficult I find it. She wanted to see what happened to me when someone initiated small talk with me, so she started with some random remarks. Of course my mind went blank immediately and I started panicking a little. She was monitoring me closely and she said that it seemed like I had stopped breathing for a while. So insight no.1: I should focus on my breathing when my mind goes blank.
Getting back to reality
At that moment I was still feeling panicky, so to bring me back to the here and now, she made me do the following exercise:
-First I should name 5 things that I heard.
-Then I should name 5 things that I saw.
-And then I should name 5 things that I felt.
Afterwards I had to go over all these things, and see which ones made me feel most in touch with reality. To me those were the things that I felt, and in particular the way I felt my feet touching the ground. Insight no.2: After I have my breathing under control, I will focus on what I am feeling physically to get back to reality.
Change in viewpoint during childhood
I really can't remember what we discussed during the second session, but the third one was very helpful. We talked about what events could have triggered my SA in childhood.
I remembered the following as a very powerful event: When I was 9 or 10 I was telling my mother an enthusiastic story about something trivial. I was yapping of about it and I suddenly saw in my mother's expression that she thought my story was silly and childish. At that moment I felt embarrassed about not having told my story in a more grownup way and the feeling of happiness that I had during my story telling had suddenly changed into shame. Around that time I started to overly monitor people's facial responses for rejection, and I started overanalysing everything I said, and I started to become labeled as shy. Insight no. 3: I can pinpoint the exact difference between how I felt before I started to develop SAD and after. I should think about the happy feeling I had before SAD kicked in and try to re-experience that feeling whenever I am starting to feel embarrassed in a situation.
Leave the SAD at the door
My therapist gave me an even more concrete insight, namely that it is impossible to be socially active and at the same time monitor people for any sign of rejection. So insight no. 4: Whenever I go to a place were I shall be socially active, I try to imagine leaving the part of me that overly monitors everyone at the door.
Try to reason with other SAD self
In the fourth session, we talked about what my relationship was with this part of me that wanted to overanalyse everything. I realised it felt like something that had been placed on top of my fun, happy self. It feels a bit like a blanket that covers the real me up. So my therapist asked me to have a dialogue between the 'real' me and the 'SAD' me. She suggested that the real me should tell the SAD me to go away. During the dialogue in the session I totally froze up, so I had to do this again once I was on my own. Insight no. 5 I should repeat to my SAD me that she should f*** off. Or kindly ask her to do something more constructive.
I will leave it at that for now. If this is helpful for any of you, I will try to summarize what happens in my next session. I really hope all my future sessions will be as fruitful as these ones have been.