They just don't want to know, do they.

[LycraPantiies92]

I think that is the title of my life.

I've gone off another site, cos some people don't seem to want me on there v much. Got me thinking, 'well if i can't be allowed on a social phobia site then where the hell can i be accepted' I didn't think of an answer.

Basically i'm still improving with talking to people and just the general 'hey, bye' daily chit chat stuff, but still not making any progress with connecting with people. It is like i can't. And i don't think i can, i wonder how i made some childhood friends cos i can't remember back that far and i don't remember if i was sa with them or not, i mean i don't think i was, and i have kept wondering recently 'hey did any of those 'friends' i had in the past ever even like me?'::
My guess is they didn't and just hung about with me.

[Imo] I was a good friend to that girl i had at school, i always listened and gave good advice when she fell out with others, but we never had a laugh or talked. I just couldn't join in, connect. So i just kinda stood there i think. While they joked and laughed, and i was kinda always on the sidelines. But we know how that is being the one left at the side and not really involved, just 'there'.

But..nobody seems to want or like me. I mean don't say i haven't tried cos i have, but it never goes anywhere, i guess I = act anxious. They = get anxious so they don't feel comfortable with me.

I do remember people trying to get me to open up, but you know what it is like and most just stopped bothering. I never got any better and still only talked properly to one person, and could never get her attention.

Anyways i guess it's the way i come across i have to work on.

Question is, how the hell do you make a friend? Even online, how do you make a friend online? Talk to them a lot? I do that with some people and yet never make a friend. Talk not much to them? If i did that we'd just drift apart or they would think i am boring.

I think my key worker can tell i don't have any friends. Cos she is always like 'what you doing the rest of today then?' i'm like 'nothing'. I think she expects me to say i have a big massive social life...well if i did i probably would be confident and wouldn't need a key worker. I don't anyways really but meh.

I lied to my counseller about having friends aswell, man, i lie to everyone about having friends, then i can't exactly say 'oh i don't really' but you know how sad you sound to tell the truth and say you are alone. Like anyone cares anyways.

Meh.

 

[iamthenra]

Hey Lycra, don't despair. For me, the people that I have been friends with outside of the internet, have been people who I share interests or activities with. For instance fishing, there is an activity that we my friends and I share, and do quite regularly. It's kind of the foundation for us to build a friendship on. So instead of our conversations being about each other, most often our conversations are about the fish that got away or how many fish were caught, or even our next fishing trip somewhere. Find someone you share a hobby with or an activity, and maybe look into getting a hobby or an activity that you don't already have. Something that you both are excited about, an activity that you both can do together.

 

[Nicholas]

Question is, how the hell do you make a friend? Even online, how do you make a friend online? Talk to them a lot? I do that with some people and yet never make a friend. Talk not much to them? If i did that we'd just drift apart or they would think i am boring.

I don't know, and I think there's no way to know how it works. It seems it just happens, but no one knows exactly why, because sometimes it's not expected, yet it happens, and other times it's expected, but nothing happens.
I think that in order to have a real friend you must share something with them, and they must be willing to share the same thing with you too... otherwise it just doesn't work.

 

[gettingbetter]

I think that is the title of my life.

I've gone off another site, cos some people don't seem to want me on there v much. Got me thinking, 'well if i can't be allowed on a social phobia site then where the hell can i be accepted' I didn't think of an answer.

Basically i'm still improving with talking to people and just the general 'hey, bye' daily chit chat stuff, but still not making any progress with connecting with people. It is like i can't. And i don't think i can, i wonder how i made some childhood friends cos i can't remember back that far and i don't remember if i was sa with them or not, i mean i don't think i was, and i have kept wondering recently 'hey did any of those 'friends' i had in the past ever even like me?'::
My guess is they didn't and just hung about with me.

[Imo] I was a good friend to that girl i had at school, i always listened and gave good advice when she fell out with others, but we never had a laugh or talked. I just couldn't join in, connect. So i just kinda stood there i think. While they joked and laughed, and i was kinda always on the sidelines. But we know how that is being the one left at the side and not really involved, just 'there'.

But..nobody seems to want or like me. I mean don't say i haven't tried cos i have, but it never goes anywhere, i guess I = act anxious. They = get anxious so they don't feel comfortable with me.

I do remember people trying to get me to open up, but you know what it is like and most just stopped bothering. I never got any better and still only talked properly to one person, and could never get her attention.

Anyways i guess it's the way i come across i have to work on.

Question is, how the hell do you make a friend? Even online, how do you make a friend online? Talk to them a lot? I do that with some people and yet never make a friend. Talk not much to them? If i did that we'd just drift apart or they would think i am boring.

I think my key worker can tell i don't have any friends. Cos she is always like 'what you doing the rest of today then?' i'm like 'nothing'. I think she expects me to say i have a big massive social life...well if i did i probably would be confident and wouldn't need a key worker. I don't anyways really but meh.

I lied to my counseller about having friends aswell, man, i lie to everyone about having friends, then i can't exactly say 'oh i don't really' but you know how sad you sound to tell the truth and say you are alone. Like anyone cares anyways.

Meh.

I've done that before, its like i get scared off, and then try to go somewhere "less intimidating" ("the grass is always greener on the other side").

I know why this happens (for myself at least) its because i was not comfortable with myself, and was not at ease with alot of topics that were being discussed. I also didn't feel part of things, or felt that people didn't really care.

Its important to realise that even if we are eager to socialise, this is just online, and i think alot of people like to be casual and not put too much effort into it all, just a brief message here and there. To socially anxious and isolated people it can seem like others aren't interested. In some cases maybe they just aren't. They may be put off by the amount we say, or get bored?

I'm quickly learning that i need to go out "in the real world" and be part of things/join things, and IT WILL BE VERY EMBARRASING AND PAINFUL to try and build confidence/social skills. Rejection will happen alot unfortunately.

Its good that you have been there for friends, but perhaps they left you out because they were immature. Finding proper caring/supportive friends is a must!

Online friends have always gone downhill for me. Initially i could get on well, they give me their e-mail, all of a sudden they get weird, self conscious, or i find what they say is a bit too much. I think real life situations are much more valuable really, i would like to think that "real life" people have more depth. I think i'm a certain type of person that could be considered "needy". What can i do about it?.......i have to learn the hard way and try to get on with my life! (hopefully things will work out)

 

[persona]

Deleted...

 

[Sheils]

I have friends that I work with - some of whom I've known for over 10 years but I don't socialise with them - very rarely.

In fact many of them hang about in groups - none of which I am really part of and so this leads to me never being asked to join them on nights out.

I often wonder - why don't they ask me?

I think it may partly be due to the fact that I don't express much interest in going with them but this is because I don't want to look like I'm desperate to join them - and also due to the mental turmoil I would have to endure at the thought of going out.



No one knows about my social anxiety so it is not this that is stopping them. I like to think I can cover my anxiety well - I've had years of practice.

My husband has many friends but I only have one or two (outside of work) that I see occasionally - very occasionally.

We don't really have any mutual friends.

And I don't have children so I do not get a chance to meet or socialise with people that way.

 

[danstelter]

I lied to my counseller about having friends aswell, man, i lie to everyone about having friends, then i can't exactly say 'oh i don't really' but you know how sad you sound to tell the truth and say you are alone. Like anyone cares anyways.

Meh.

Your secrets will continue to hold their power over you and make your life more anxious as long as you hold onto them. Opening up to a counselor will remove the power of these secrets and allow you to move on in life and learn how to create connection with others.

A counselor will not judge you, as they have seen the same thing before many times, and possibly experienced it in their own lives. Let go of this difficulty and you will find changes happening quite rapidly. Good luck and hope this helps.

 

[Mikefly]

damn if u do damn if don't.......