LittleMissScareAll:
LittleMissScareAll:
I know broadly speaking, no two people can feel exactly the same, but I do empathise with you because your situation sounds like my own. Even today, I spent day and night lying on my bed, not particularly getting any sleep, feeling deppressed over my lack of love. I put on a dvd to try and take my mind off things and it'll be a romantic comedy to rub my nose in it, because however bad things get in hollywood, there's always a happy ending. I hate my own company and I hate being on my own, holed up in a house, but I'm gonna try over the next few months to turn that negative energy into positive energy. I don't know if I'll suceed. I don't expect anything to get better, because it never has for me either. I've never had a long term relationship. I don't feel I have anything to offer. I'm not attractive, I don't have a particularly good physique (though that Im gonna try and change with weights) and psychologivally, I just think.. who the hell wants to spend the rest of their life with me being brought down to my level of negativity. I want to stick around and have kids someday, because then my life will not be about me anymore. If you're cursed, then I'm cursed to, but you gotta keep trying, 'cos if things ever do work out for you one day, it'll be that much more special. I've been lonely for 24 years and I don't feel like bouncing back, but if I felt like I didn't want to go on yesterday, I've got nothing to loose today. If I'd been weak (like I feel) and given in to those thoughts and it really felt like I was on the brink, then I wouldn't be here now. So who cares really if I fail or make an idiot of myself? It free's me up to take risks, because life feels more precious when you realise that you were so close to throwing it away. It's a shame that you don't seem to have anyone to talk to and I don't either. At least, know one who understands. The only advice ppl offer is to 'Pull yourself together' and it feels like another nail in the coffin everytime someone says that, because it shows a total lack of understanding.
We aren't 'normal', or we would not need to be told to 'pull ourselves together', we'd simply do it. When your in a dark place, it's hard to find your way out, but you will if you percevere. In truth, we aren't fated when it comes to love and I'm sure you're cursed really. Meeting a soul mate is decided purely by chance, but you do have to open yourself up to give that chance a chance!
I find it hard to have faith in what I'm writing, but the only way I can go on is to read positive stuff and try and believe it.
the best activities you can do right now, are ones that fully involve your brain, to give it a break from worrying, regreatting and stressing! Either that or mind clearing activities, like meditating. And try visiting the doctor. It didn't work for me, I was fully ready to go for cognative/group therapy, but none was offered. They put me in touch with a 'crisis team' who phoned me up and visited me at home several times a week, and I could call them if I felt suicidal. It really helped a lot and made me feel less lonely and like someone cared.
I've just read a great book and it really helped me to come to terms with how I felt and you might want to try it:
Love Sick by Frank Tallis
It pulls the magic of love apart a bit, but it should help you understand the way you feel a bit better. It did for me. It highlights the simalaritied between love and mental illness, specifically depression. Of course if you suffer sever depression anyway, going through rejection/breakups made unbearably worse
Please keep strong. I've seen your pic in the photo album and I honestly think that you are physically beautiful. As has been said here before about SP sufferers, we seem to care 'too much' about things, so I'm guessing you have a beautiful personality to match.
Try and remember this, because if I saw you in a bar, I'd want to get talking to you.
I wouldn't, cos I'd be too nervous, but someone more confident and handsome certainly would!
Try and get better. After reading all your posts and feeling like I'm in the same frame of mind as you myself, I don't want you to die, so please don't do that. Social Phobia is a disadvantage, but that's all it is, but you've got to find a reason to get better. Find that reason and really focus on it and don't loose site of it OK?
But you are attractive, so you shouldn't think you aren't. I just saw your picture in the photo album awhile age. You're a very good looking guy. 