there a some one I think that have SAD in my class

[Darker Than Black]

theres this girl in my MATH 209 class, she always sit alone, I never seen her talking with anyone, even when we're outside waiting for the other classes to finish, I've never seen her talking.

My other friend said she's in one of his math classes, and just don't like to talk.

I want to talk to her, but don't know how to start a convo, I get really nervous, I don't even like her, I just do. I'm less like that with some random GUY.

If she really have SAD, I feel really srry for her and I want to be a friend...u know what I mean?

 

[Harleyq]

Is there anything on her that tells about her personality? Do you ever see her drawing? Does she wear clothes with pictures of certain bands or movies or characters she likes? You might be able to approach her about something like that and be all "Hey, I noticed you like ______"

 

[Jake123]

Whenever random people talk to me I misconstrue it as a hostile act (because it feels like they're making fun of me or are trying to mess with me) and I block them off with my defense mechanisms so they don't bother me anymore. If someone came up to me and commented on something I've wearing or whatever I'd see it as a threat lol... Hopefully that girl doesn't have my brand of SAD >_>

 

[reslo]

i think that it depends- most people probably haven't even tried to talk to her. There's kinda 2 possibilities: she prefers being alone and she wouldn't want to talk to you or she really would like somebody to talk to, but nobody gives her a chance. Also too, alot of us really do want someone to talk to deep down, but we've built up walls, and pretend that we like being alone. Don't be surprised if you find resistance in the beginning, but if she sees that you're genuinely trying to be nice, she may come around. And also too, since you're already in classes together, you already have something in common. You can just ask her how she did on that last assignment or something.

and also too (this girl feels like me) she may have friends in other classes and does talk, but those particular times you or your friend see her, she doesn't. and she could be from outta town or something.

there's been times where people start talking to me for whatever odd reason and sometimes i've made friends other times i just never see that person again- so it could go either way. but imho i think it's worth a try

 

[MothMan]

I remember some girl trying to be my friend in grade 6 because I had no friends and she felt sorry for me. It wasn't a nice feeling. Unless you have a genuine interest in her personality (which it sounds like you don't) I wouldn't bother. You'd just be making her feel like a charity case.

I am the same way a lot of times. Its hard not to deflect the pent up feelings that fuel my anxieties on to everyone else. I am leery of most compliments because they come off false to me (also if they are real I don't know how to respond without a blushing and staring at the ground.) But on the same token, I do want to believe compliments are genuine and that requires a bit of trust.

Darker, you should say something and if worse comes to worst just talk about school which is the most discernible thing that you two have in common.

 

[Phobologist]

theres this girl in my MATH 209 class, she always sit alone, I never seen her talking with anyone, even when we're outside waiting for the other classes to finish, I've never seen her talking.

My other friend said she's in one of his math classes, and just don't like to talk.

I want to talk to her, but don't know how to start a convo, I get really nervous, I don't even like her, I just do. I'm less like that with some random GUY.

If she really have SAD, I feel really srry for her and I want to be a friend...u know what I mean?

Sit down next to her and say "You know you're the only other person in this class who never talks, besides me". Then she won't feel so defensive because you are admitting that you are shy. Also you have something in common to talk about.

 

[blue-roses]

I don't know how you can start the conversation, because I'm hopeless at that too, haha, but it's worth a shot. I made friends with another girl at uni who I could tell had SA and yesterday I finally told her properly about all my problems. She didn't believe me, because she says I'm smart and I speak up in class (at least the class I'm in with her!) and seem to be doing so well...errrhhhhhh... but then she was so happy she'd found someone with similar, but even worse, problems than herself.

I agree with most of the other posters; I bet that girl would love someone to talk to, and if you don't get a positive reaction from her, you'll know that it's because she prefers to shut others out rather than something about you personally. Good luck!

 

[iwanttogetbetter]

....Don't bother people with sad and sad don't mix. if you think you can make her happy and you have that happy aura around you then go for it but if u have sad let someone else cheer her up.

 

[blue-roses]

Who said people with SA are always gloomy and can't have a "happy aura"? I don't exactly go around doing cartwheels all over the place, but I can be warm and friendly, at least...I think...I hope...

 

[iwanttogetbetter]

just from my experience i just think you shouldn't be trying to help someone out when you should be concentrating on helping yourself first. thats just me though im sure other people feel different.

 

[Harleyq]

Who said people with SA are always gloomy and can't have a "happy aura"? I don't exactly go around doing cartwheels all over the place, but I can be warm and friendly, at least...I think...I hope...

Ditto. I remember one time I was talking with my math class and I told them I was on Paxil for SA. They asked what it was and when I told them, they went "You don't act like you have SA. We never would've been able to tell"

I don't see why we shouldn't help others with SA out. I'd rather talk with someone about my SA who gets it, than someone who I basically have to school in SA. Key word is "help" though, not just feed into eachother's anxieties. I think we shouldn't befriend eachother if the only thing we're going to do is drag our friends down with us. But, in order to get better, we have to get out there and socialize and it's probably easier if we make friends with other SAers so that we can motivate eachother.

 

[scissorhands]

People love when people try to be their friend because they feel sorry for them, not because they're actually interested in being their friend...

 

[Mack_Berserk]

Ditto. I remember one time I was talking with my math class and I told them I was on Paxil for SA. They asked what it was and when I told them, they went "You don't act like you have SA. We never would've been able to tell"

I don't see why we shouldn't help others with SA out. I'd rather talk with someone about my SA who gets it, than someone who I basically have to school in SA. Key word is "help" though, not just feed into eachother's anxieties. I think we shouldn't befriend eachother if the only thing we're going to do is drag our friends down with us. But, in order to get better, we have to get out there and socialize and it's probably easier if we make friends with other SAers so that we can motivate eachother.

Hey Harleyq, does Paxil really make you feel suicidal when you intially start taking it?

I read that on Drugs.com | Prescription Drugs - Information, Interactions & Side Effects, but I'm wondering if that happens to everyone.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

Oh yea, Darker. Go for it. You'll never know if you don't, and that could be much worse than any confrontation. Skimming through some other posts, I see there's some great advice here on how to approach her. Whatever happens, happens.

 

[Harleyq]

Hey Harleyq, does Paxil really make you feel suicidal when you intially start taking it?

I read that on Drugs.com | Prescription Drugs - Information, Interactions & Side Effects, but I'm wondering if that happens to everyone.

I started out on a small dose and quit taking it soon after so idk but I never felt suicidal. The suicidal thoughts as a side effect scared me, however, and then I found out Paxil is an extremely hard drug to come off of after you take it for a while so I stopped after I took the first half of my prescription.

My friend's mom was on Paxil and it did start making her feel depressed. I think it probably depends on how much you're taking.

 

[Darker Than Black]

I was thinking of siting beside her and write down on a piece of paper

"Do you have SA??"

and pass it across the table...

lol, if she have it, she'll know what it is

 

[Nack]

I was thinking of siting beside her and write down on a piece of paper

"Do you have SA??"

and pass it across the table...

lol, if she have it, she'll know what it is

Bad idea... I think that's a bit too straight up. I mean even if she has SA, and saw what you wrote, do you think she'll start confessing all the horrible thing it has brought her to a stranger?

 

[Harleyq]

Bad idea... I think that's a bit too straight up. I mean even if she has SA, and saw what you wrote, do you think she'll start confessing all the horrible thing it has brought her to a stranger?

Yeah, cause she doesn't know that you have it, so you might come across as someone intrusive.

Plus she might not recognize SA as a shortened version of social anxiety. I never really thought about calling social anxiety "SA" til I came on here. If I were her, I'd be like "What is sah?"

 

[Darker Than Black]

my friend and I were chatting

she is fob
FOB

she is actually one year older than you too

I heard her talking to her firend in math

She took ESL first year


...ok, so she can't speak english..that's y LOL

 

[Nack]

whats FOB?