The Specter of Lowlight

[Lowlight]

I do not ask that you agree with what I say. Not everything from my mind will “work” for everyone else. The only thing I try to accomplish is the possibility that a lost soul can see what I have written and form a better understanding of things.

We are a forsaken, broken people. If you do not feel this way then stop reading now. The undulating mass that is society and it's hierarchies are not meant for the likes of us. To “exist” as they (the unaware or uncaring) would have us do is insulting to your consciousness, which you will learn is the only self you have.

 

[Lowlight]

I hate consciousness. By that I hate all consciousness, not just mine or my enemy’s. I hate that there is a “show” going on in each and everyone's head. I hate these things because I do not understand how to interact with them. I know that as long as I live I will be echoing throughout everyone I meet. These vibrations disturb me greatly. The smallest of actions can create the most absurdly deplorable results. Anger, resentment, lust, joy, love are all made of the same thing. It is One consciousness acting on another. To me this is a horrible proposition.

What is left to me is two paths, if one could even call them as such. The first is to destroy all consciousness wherever it exists. All beings of self would be razed from the universe. The only matter left would be that that has no thought. This, to your pleasure I assume, is beyond my power. The alternative is to limit what consciousness I become aware of.

Perhaps more to follow.

 

[Lowlight]

I loathe fiction.

By fiction I mean movies, books, television, and just about any media that features as it's basis a fantastical storyline.

It is not that I think little of fiction, quite the opposite.

I can be enthralled into a world of wonderment and galore through a book or a film. A game can occupy my hours as I engage and spectate in a wondrous land of story and action. I can be swooped up to the highest excitements of joy, while at the same time been dragged down to the depths of sorrow. The princess is saved but the hero dies. The bad guy gets away. The destruction of the planet is averted at the last second. All these themes and more are heart wrenching to me because of social phobia.

Being alone for so long tends to make a person turn inwards. If that person was talented or unique than they may be satisfied, but if you are like me and are a hollow shell of a person then you might want to engage in escapism. My mind clutches out, grasping for something to replace the sad state that I am really living in. This escapism disgusts me greatly. How weak am I. I! The refusal to deal with my own problems to instead rather fancy myself as someone else. Let me be Batman, Colonel Kurtz, or Javert! But please don't let me be poor little Lowlight.

That is why I hate fiction. It lets me forget, if only for an instance, who and what I am.

 

[Thelema]

Honestly you aren't making much sense man

 

[dottie]

i understand where you're coming from and agree with your first post. maybe conciousness is all charades but just roll with it. we are mere humans and can't change this. resistance is futile so don't waste energy.

 

[Apersonalan]

Sometimes darkness can provide where the light fails but it can also destroy all energies. To escape from consciousness is to escape from a reality that cannot be tricked... or can it? do you think your up to it?

 

[upndwn]

I see where you are coming from, I to sometimes wish I could escape my consciousness and rejoice in ignorant bliss. But I have found a way to do exactly that; meditation. Meditation allows me to enter a thoughtless state of utter peace and relaxation. Gone is anxiety and fear, gone is loneliness and despair.

Unfortunately one cannot meditate forever and a complete loss of consciousness can only be achieved through death (IMO). I to have troubles facing my problems and indulge in needless escapism instead of doing something constructive. But I think all that is needed to overcome this obstacle is a good push in the right direction. Being thrown into a situation where I am forced to face my fears. I have been been scratching that wall for years and I know that barrier is though to break, but I am starting to see through.

It might sound clichè, but life is a struggle, and even more so for those that suffer from a mental or physical handicap. Not everyone is dealt the same cards, but we all have to play. Having a bad hand means that we only have to learn to master the game and raise the stakes. It might take some time, not all succeed, but unless you try you never will win that pot.

Originally Posted by Lowlight
The undulating mass that is society and it's hierarchies are not meant for the likes of us. To “exist” as they (the unaware or uncaring) would have us do is insulting to your consciousness, which you will learn is the only self you have.

I understand your resentment, but to compartmentalize everyone else is a bit condescending and ignorant. It is easy to point fingers, and yes, those without SA will never truly understand what it is like to suffer from that condition. But we will never know what it is like to walk in the shoes of another. We are all unique individuals. We all have or fears, hopes and dreams.

Escaping from the conscious world might make a good release once in a while, but you will never know what beauty consciousness brings unless you allow yourself to truly explore it.

 

[Lowlight]

I understand your resentment, but to compartmentalize everyone else is a bit condescending and ignorant. It is easy to point fingers, and yes, those without SA will never truly understand what it is like to suffer from that condition. But we will never know what it is like to walk in the shoes of another. We are all unique individuals. We all have or fears, hopes and dreams.

No, not ignorant at all. You have to approach it from a definitional standpoint. Humans are social creatures, are they not? Society is the penultimate culmination of humans interacting with each other. To me (and I probably should have said only for me) I am afraid of this behemoth. Every person, no matter how nice or how mean, causes a moment of distress. These moments of distress accumulate into hours, days, weeks, months, years, and so on. How much time must we spend being this way? I understand what you have said, and maybe I was at fault for making such a statement. I will reflect on this.

 

[Lowlight]

So Called "Right" and "Wrong"

There is no such thing as right or wrong. The only concepts that exist, when speaking of morality, are numbers and force. The position that has the most support is usually the one that is considered correct. This attribute can be trumped by the ultimate deciding factor though, force. Take this situation for example.

There are two people sitting under an apple tree (Adam and Bruce). Adam picks the last apple from the branch. Bruce grabs the apple away from the Adam. At this point Bruce has exerted his force over Adam. Who gets the apple in the end? The one who used the most force

Now if Adam were to take out a gun and shoot Bruce, then Adam has exerted the majority of force. Now most people will go back and analyze who was in the 'right' in this situation. Adam did all the work picking the apple, but the Bruce could have needed the apple for his starving family blah blah blah. It goes back and forth from this one situation into many revisions of 'what happened.' The point being that if you have an equivalent or superior force to your advisory, you are right.
.
This relates to SA in that you will meet people who will try to exert their force over you. This doesn't have to be to the extreme of physical violence. How a family member can talk in a condescending way, the regular insults and abuse at the hands of bullies, and the emotional manipulation of a partner are examples of social force being exerted. In order to rebuff these attacks against our consciousness we must exert equivalent or superior social force. This means that you establish that you have a right to exist without the petulant transgressions of others.

 

[Lowlight]

The Weak and the Strong.

What is the natural order of this world? The strong always dominate the weak. There are some who scream 'civilization brings greater equality'. These people lack the understanding of what truly goes on around them. Governments and societies are created to manage laws and norms on behalf of the 'people', or at least that is what the public is told. In fact, the state is an institution of the strong dominating the weak. This domination is more complex than say a lion eating a gazelle, but the principles still apply. People are beaten, jailed, tortured, humiliated, and dehumanized until their worlds fall around them. This is the supposed civilization.

Stay in line and obey or else you will be an example to show how we (the state) can destroy willpower. The once innocent people learn to mimic this horrifying methodology, and in turn the society at large warps into a manipulative force of have or have not. You can't really blame people for being so blind to how destructive their own unnatural beliefs are.

If people want to live in a world of enjoyable disaster then so be it.

 

[Lowlight]

A good man once taught me a test that can be put to any item in the world. The test went, “What does it do, and how well does it do it”. The signature example he used was pants. He came to the conclusion that the best pants to wear were BDU pants. BDU stands for “Battle Dress Uniform”, and they were the standard pants of the US military until 2005. The reason these pants are better is because they are designed with “What does it do, and how well does it do it” in mind. The pants have spacious cargo pockets, reenforced knees, and a reenforced seat. They also come in a range of materials like 60/40 poly cotton twill and cotton ripstop.

What does this have to do with SA? Well I see a lot of people on this site who confess to having relationships that are somewhat caustic and counterproductive. I say that even relationships should have the “What does it do” test put to them. I have seen relationships where one person really abuses, physically and/or mentally, the other. The abused person doesn't want to break out of the situation because they are afraid of being alone. It boggles my mind.

What does the relationship do?
It makes me feel like less of a person when my partner, friend, or family member talks down to me and treat me like dirt.

How well does it do it?
They are pretty effective at making me miserable.

The answer then to this test is that you need to distance yourself from the pairing. I know that this can be difficult, but in the long run it will end up saving you from a lot of pain and suffering.

 

[Lowlight]

To be a hermit.

The hermit is a person who has weighed the options, and then selected a lifestyle of solitude and simplicity. Instead of concerning themselves with the goings on of society and its many inhabitants, hermits focus their energy to their own responsibilities and well being. Humans are a dramatic and emotional species, and such guests cause disturbances in the hermit's mind. It is in this way that the hermit rejects the necessity of company for happiness. Instead the hermit lets the world revolve as it does without drawing undue attention to one's self.

The hermit will withdraw from the needless activities in society, and instead spend much time in self contemplation in hopes of reaching a realized enlightenment. This is done through honest work like gardening, wood cutting, walks, and other homestead style pass times. These acts not only center the mind, but they provide the hermit a means of self-sufficiency. To be self-sufficient is the pinnacle for the hermit lifestyle. When you no longer need to communicate with anyone for the means of survival, then you are able to sit and understand what freedom really is.