The Social Phobe's Absolute Hatred of Incongruity and Lack of Reciprocity

[Anubis]

I've been a member of this forum for a good half-year, and this is something I've just noticed in A LOT of people's posts (including mine when I was really depressed). For some reason, the essence of every social phobes problem is rooted in their hatred of how their actions "seemingly" never result in what they believe should be the appropriate result. This feeling of hatred is aggravated when they see others that "seemingly" do the same action, but get their preferred results and more. The social phobe then gets angry at himself, and the world, and stops doing the action almost as a protest to the world and it's unfair reciprocity. He also obviously stops because he is afraid that any miscalculated actions might result in permanent and harmful consequences.

I'm not really suggesting a solution, except the interesting observation (at least to me) that social phobia is deeply rooted in the need for control. And perhaps to gently alleviate it, the social phobe in question must aggressively explore methods on how to consciously perceive that he has control. It is only after the social phobe has gained an adequate sense of certainty in his life that we may say he is cured from social phobia.

That is my theory at least. And yes, it is kinda obvious, but sometimes the most obvious things allude us, lol.

 

[SickJoke]

The need to have a sense of certainty and control comes back to the main cause of social anxiety: fear of social rejection. It's a need to control social situations in order to be certain that rejection isn't possibility.

When I read the title, "Hatred of Incongruity" I thought this was going to be about how most social phobics get irritated about feeling the need to "put on an act" in order to function in society. They feel as if they're being incongruent, or fake, by behaving positively or in a socially acceptable manner.

Good post, keep them coming

 

[dottie]

yeah i am a control freak. being in social situations makes me feel more out of control than anything else. my fear is based on two things:

1. lack of control of influence/status
i have little to no influence over others in my near proximity. who cares what i have to say? no one.

2. lack of control of physical safety
what if someone has a violent outburst and i am caught in it? you never know when it may strike.

 

[Riptor]

That's dead on. If I threw myself out into the world and burned my bridges as I went (as I've often dreamed of doing) I'd be normal in a month because I'd have to accept that I can't control everything, or self destruct. This is why I don't think SA has become epidemic until the last century or so thanks to all our damned safety nets.

As I am, the occasional limited outing into the big scary world only confirms that I can't control or even influence much, while others seem to be unaffected by this powerless uncertainty, and that's terrifying to me.