theoutsider
Well-known member
I've debated making this thread for a while out of fear that it will be taken as bragging. Let me try to clarify. My problem is nothing to brag about. It isn't so much that I stay popular, it's that I must be easily approachable at first and seem like somebody that people want to hang out with. Now, before you think of a sarcastic remark like, "Gee, it must be a real burden to have people like you," let me assure you that it is when you have SA. I hope there are others who can relate and care to share their experiences.
When I'm in a setting such as a new job, it seems everybody wants to be my friend. I'm not just talking about the people I will be working closely with, I mean people who wouldn't normally even come to my department. I don't know why this is (maybe I have a friendly face) and the pressure is enormous. I know it's just a matter of time before I come off as peculiar because the extra attention and expectations just cause my anxiety to spike. I'm then left with feeling like an even bigger disappointment because I didn't live up to the "Great guy" persona they were probably expecting.
There's this really pretty woman at my job who all the guys always try to hit on. For two years I've been pretty much ignoring her beyond polite hellos, how are yous and goodbyes. Maybe the fact that I pay her very little attention instead of trying to hit on her made her notice me. She was always asking me out to lunch or to hang out after work before heading home if traffic was bad. I went to lunch with her once or twice over the course of a year and a half but it was pure agony trying to remain calm and think of things to converse about. I would always come up with excuses as to why I didn't want to hang out after work (I'm married so that made it easier).
A few months ago something happened to her car and since we live close together I agreed to let her carpool with me. We kind of got to know each other a little better even though my anxiety level was always high no matter how much time we spent together. We started going to lunch more since we seemed to talk a little easier. We've since stopped carpooling as well as eating together. It wasn't anything dramatic, it just seemed to me that whatever closeness we shared had run its' course. But today I found out she's been saying some pretty uncool things about me to a new employee. I guess I didn't come off as cool and relaxed as I had hoped during our time together. No big deal as far as her friendship as I found some of the things regarding her personality weren't the best. But now I feel that we would have been better off today if I had maintained my distance and came up with an excuse not to let her ride with me.
My point is, this is always the scenario with me. I don't necessarily want to be ignored completely but I kind of wish people would stop wanting to be so chummy with me if this is going to be the outcome. I am not "just one of the guys" and never will be. I can't say for certain but I think they dislike me even more than if they had never approached me once they finally realize this. It's as if they think I've fooled them in the beginning. I wish I could find a happy medium where people kept a respectful distance and didn't expect the world of me. I'm hoping others here share this experience and can maybe elaborate on how they handled it. Should I come off as cold and callous from the beginning or try some other method?
When I'm in a setting such as a new job, it seems everybody wants to be my friend. I'm not just talking about the people I will be working closely with, I mean people who wouldn't normally even come to my department. I don't know why this is (maybe I have a friendly face) and the pressure is enormous. I know it's just a matter of time before I come off as peculiar because the extra attention and expectations just cause my anxiety to spike. I'm then left with feeling like an even bigger disappointment because I didn't live up to the "Great guy" persona they were probably expecting.
There's this really pretty woman at my job who all the guys always try to hit on. For two years I've been pretty much ignoring her beyond polite hellos, how are yous and goodbyes. Maybe the fact that I pay her very little attention instead of trying to hit on her made her notice me. She was always asking me out to lunch or to hang out after work before heading home if traffic was bad. I went to lunch with her once or twice over the course of a year and a half but it was pure agony trying to remain calm and think of things to converse about. I would always come up with excuses as to why I didn't want to hang out after work (I'm married so that made it easier).
A few months ago something happened to her car and since we live close together I agreed to let her carpool with me. We kind of got to know each other a little better even though my anxiety level was always high no matter how much time we spent together. We started going to lunch more since we seemed to talk a little easier. We've since stopped carpooling as well as eating together. It wasn't anything dramatic, it just seemed to me that whatever closeness we shared had run its' course. But today I found out she's been saying some pretty uncool things about me to a new employee. I guess I didn't come off as cool and relaxed as I had hoped during our time together. No big deal as far as her friendship as I found some of the things regarding her personality weren't the best. But now I feel that we would have been better off today if I had maintained my distance and came up with an excuse not to let her ride with me.
My point is, this is always the scenario with me. I don't necessarily want to be ignored completely but I kind of wish people would stop wanting to be so chummy with me if this is going to be the outcome. I am not "just one of the guys" and never will be. I can't say for certain but I think they dislike me even more than if they had never approached me once they finally realize this. It's as if they think I've fooled them in the beginning. I wish I could find a happy medium where people kept a respectful distance and didn't expect the world of me. I'm hoping others here share this experience and can maybe elaborate on how they handled it. Should I come off as cold and callous from the beginning or try some other method?
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