The importance of small talk?
- Thread starter aj
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It's essential, apparently. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_talk_(phatic_communication)
NothingElseMatters
Well-known member
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
Personally, it's nothing to me. I'm just not one for small-talk, or subjects that disinterest me.
I couldn't care less about what someone did on the weekend, and I hate being asked about my life, because I don't have one.
Maybe that's why I'm bad at making new friends...
I couldn't care less about what someone did on the weekend, and I hate being asked about my life, because I don't have one.
Maybe that's why I'm bad at making new friends...
oxygencult
Active member
I use small talk as an ice-breaker but it's not something I always do effectively haha!
As NothingElseMatters mentioned earlier, it doesn't necessarily has to be meaningless to you. Small talk can consist of random topics that interest you, that is if you're lucky to find a someone that shares the same interests as you do..
As NothingElseMatters mentioned earlier, it doesn't necessarily has to be meaningless to you. Small talk can consist of random topics that interest you, that is if you're lucky to find a someone that shares the same interests as you do..
It has to be. More meaning comes with more intimacy, or meaningful conversations happen between sessions of small-talk. The better you know a person, the more reasonable can the conversations be, unless you are in a professional work-related relationship. As the Wikipedia article says, the topics discussed in small-talk are less relevant than the social function of this type of communication.
The capacity to conduct small-talk is a social skill and it is essential in human bonding, it is the engine that creates interpersonal relationships of the more intimate kind (friendships, romantic relationships). People who are not capable of small-talk are seen as unfriendly, aggressive, rejective / repulsive, aloof, introverted (that's something really bad), or appear to hide something which makes them susceptible to prejudicial categorization (as, in the case of men, that behavior makes people think of them as rapists, murderers, or general sociopaths -- the media exacerbate that by always mentioning that some 'shooter' was a 'loner'.)
As you said, you need to get to a point of intimacy first where you can realize that you actually share a certain interest with the person you are having the conversation with. You can't just start talking about applicative functors in functional programming languages, or topological auto-routing algorithms. Most people would find that to be a very awkward and unpleasant situation, as they aren't interested in the slightest.
Up until that point, small-talk topics are so meaningless they pain my soul if I only listen to them. You need to talk about emotional rubbish like weekend stories, love stories, recent social activities, blah. I am not personally interested in other people's social lives, their social position, their social status, or whatever they could try to convey during the casual conversation.
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ApRiLGeTsAngry77
Well-known member
From a business standpoint, small talk builds raport. The more raport you build the more money you will be paid.
klytus got it right, read his post again...small talk is the only way to start a convo, and yes, if you want to get to know somebody small talk is critical. its becomes less important as your relationship progresses (but not necessarily) but at the beginning it is absolutely essential. also depends on your definition of small talk...asking someones opinion on something is small talk imo, and you definitely learn about them doing this.
recluse
Well-known member
I'm the most awkward ever when it comes to small talk, i feel awkward when i have to say something like ''Nice day today!''....And then i think ''why did i just say that! Surely the other person can see it's a nice day?!''......Then again you do notice that everyone has the same small talk topics; The weather, the football/other sports results etc.
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
Mhmm, small is an essential part of conversation and getting know the basics of a person.
More often than not, it's awkward and difficult. But necessary nonetheless.
If you want to learn how to talk to people, this is where you have to start...
More often than not, it's awkward and difficult. But necessary nonetheless.
If you want to learn how to talk to people, this is where you have to start...
That is true, unfortunately. For me it means I won't ever learn how to successfully talk with the majority of humankind. I am just not willing to do something I find unpleasant and deceptive. (For those who twitched reading something weird about 'deception': It is deceptive if you do it consciously. The same way, a born alpha male will naturally behave confidently and win people over - if someone consciously fakes that confidence or behavior somehow, it is deceptive.)
Plus that I simply don't want to have to deal with people in private in real-life. Professional relationships are okay - but I don't want anyone to get closer to me. So, not doing small-talk is actually a part of my self-isolation, which I find increasingly pleasant.
JCS008
Well-known member
Think about it. Small talk is a neccessity. Aside from family, think about how you met most people in your life, through small talk at first. Even at a job interview, before they begin asking you questions, they'll engage in small talk assking about your commute, the weather, and your day.
It'd be nice to skip the banter, but its just not likely or as easy. Think about how uncomfortable it would be if you just met someone and asked them if they were married, or what they did for a living, or what they want to do with the rest of their lives. Sure, you'll eventually get to that stuff, but you need the rapport first.
It'd be nice to skip the banter, but its just not likely or as easy. Think about how uncomfortable it would be if you just met someone and asked them if they were married, or what they did for a living, or what they want to do with the rest of their lives. Sure, you'll eventually get to that stuff, but you need the rapport first.
Yeah I just started wondering last week. Could not joining in with it really stop you from making any proper friends at all? Is it that big a deal? And, if you've known some people for quite a while and start trying to join in more, can you fix it and maybe make some friends, or it more likely to be permanently ruined with them?
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