The dilemma with my life

[xfactishappy]

I have been on this site for quite a while...

I am a 19 yo youth, clinical depression has been my friend since I was 11 years old, it all started when i was a regular kid in my 6th, i started to feel different and fell increasingly in love with isolation and solitary living. In 7th i became irregular to school and other social institutions, in 8th i started to absent assessments, major assessments... in 9th I missed the annual exam. My attendance was below 35% [annum].
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After that 4 years have passed i stayed home bound and I found peace in the isolation of my room, i started to follow spirituality and eastern philosophies and i was quite well...

Now the issue is I don't have school certificate, and I am growing up... my parents are hopeless, that I wouldn't be able to sustain a good living. But I cannot stand social institutions.

Anyone with same dilemma as me, please share your insights -how did you manage? Should I be scared of what future holds... or let uncertainty have it's thrill. ...?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I'm not in a similar situation so I can't relate all that well....but, maybe an online degree? The problem is, whether it be school or a job, they're both socially involved places.

Unless you find a job that requires no education and has little to no social interaction.

Tough dilemma. I hope you figure it out. Good luck!

 

[EscapeArtist]

Exact same dilemma... Wow. Except for the eastern part. Exact same dilemma... My depression started at 11. I started missing school, I dropped out in grade 10 because I'd rather hide away. I've also been rather homebound for 4 years since. Now I'm 20 and my parents are realizing they can't support me financially for much longer, but I can't imagine having a full time job. I'm trying to finish highschool slowly through online courses for the hopes that one day I'll be able to sustain myself financially, and learn to cope with the world. Online courses seems like the best chance. Have you thought about trying that?

 

[jaim38]

This is exactly the situation I'm in. After going through bullying, depression, and anxiety, I moved back home and tried to recover. Online courses gave me a second chance, so I highly suggest taking them if you can. I also explored meditation, yoga, and Eastern philosophies. I suggest skyping with family members or friends, just to practice / improve your conversation skills, eye contact, and body language and get feedback.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Doesn't it all depend on what you want really?
Are you ok with the idea to spend all your life at your parents place doing nothing, or you would prefere to experience things before you die? If you want to experience things and not depend on your parents until you die (or they die), you need to take action. Nothing will happen if you just "let uncertainty have its thrill".

 

[xfactishappy]

Doesn't it all depend on what you want really?
Are you ok with the idea to spend all your life at your parents place doing nothing, or you would prefere to experience things before you die? If you want to experience things and not depend on your parents until you die (or they die), you need to take action. Nothing will happen if you just "let uncertainty have its thrill".

Well, of course I would not prefer my future to turn out that way, that is pretty certain for any typical only-consuming life. The thing is is I also have had depression and it still lingers in my mind ['cause it's chronic] and it hinders me from taking any positive definite action to turn it all around.


But, yeah I trying...

 

[xfactishappy]

I'm not sure about this, but since you live in India and you mention you follow spirituality and Eastern philosophies I was thinking if it would be possible to join a temple, a gathering or similar? I am certain you could devote yourself to spirituality, while at the same time be alone.

Are you suggesting a monastic life or be attached to a religious organisation to better organise my spirituality?

I wouldn't prefer either, because I like to see things my own unique way... and I love freedom the way it presents to myself.