Please forgive me for the title. I just came back after going to the pub with some people after work. It was enough people that they were sat on a few tables. I sat there like an idiot on one for one and a half hours until I gave up and came home. I said nothing. Yes at first I was scared, but even after I got a little more comfortable, nothing happened. It's more than 'getting me out of my shell.' I have no ability to join in conversations. It's like part of my brain has been lopped off and I just don't have the function to do it, however hard I try. The same as it's always been. Even having the couple of people that I know slightly there didn't help. It's not just about confidence because when I went I had no trouble standing up and asking to take a photo with the person whose leaving do it was. I thought this would get easier. This is not going to get easier. Please tell me what to do because I don't have any more ideas. Help.
That's it then
- Thread starter aj
- Start date
Johno
Well-known member
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We have all had bad nights. I bet that many others, like you had a bad night. Chances are that some of those u thought were having a good time were not having a good time. Just be selfish next time. Focus on yourself. Forget trying to please others. Enjoy yourself. Fuck it. Have a good time. Drink if u have to. Just let go and have fun. That's what I fucken do. GOOOO MANNNNN!!!!!!! LOLLLLL
ENTERT8NER
Member
Johno said:
Very well said Johno...
Thanks guys. I'm a bit better now, it was just such a knock back. I don't want to keep on, but it's hard to explain, I wasn't really scared of anything, I just can't jump into the conversation of a group of people who already know each other (probably) well and are talking about something I have no idea about, eg. other people they know. I don't feel that I have any right to butt into their conversation or sit at their table but I think that's where your advice will come in :lol:
I'm not giving up on the whole thing but I think it's time to turn it down a notch and concentrate on the people I work with now. I might go out with them if it's just them, but I won't be going with a bunch of people after work again. It's not going anywhere, and I guess it's not what I want anyway. I don't want to know everyone, only a few good friends - one or two will do. I think (read: hope) I've already found them and need to concentrate on them!
I'm not giving up on the whole thing but I think it's time to turn it down a notch and concentrate on the people I work with now. I might go out with them if it's just them, but I won't be going with a bunch of people after work again. It's not going anywhere, and I guess it's not what I want anyway. I don't want to know everyone, only a few good friends - one or two will do. I think (read: hope) I've already found them and need to concentrate on them!
IWouldPreferNotTo
Well-known member
My advice: drink more.
nhen
Active member
In larger groups, things can start to feel quite competitive, just competing for people's attention and whatnot. If you're new to a group of people who have a history together, you're already at a disadvantage. I moved to a new town and got a job at a place where the people seemed to know each other from the time they were in high school (or maybe even before). It drove me nuts. And it seems as though the more people there are, the harder it gets. My SP is peculiar, in fact, in that I don't really mind one on one interaction as much as interacting within a group (it's still pretty hard, mind you). It's that competitive aspect that makes me shrink from most forms of social interaction.
elizabeth86
Member
God that's the worst hey! When you're with a bunch of people who are chummy with each other..
I sit there thinking of something to say, but I have nothing! It's so awkward. You're not alone!!
I sit there thinking of something to say, but I have nothing! It's so awkward. You're not alone!!
You're not too peculiar, I find that too. I'm a lot better talking directly to someone who I know at least a little.
To ask a direct question about what I said before - this is kind of how it went:
You walk into the pub, and there are, for example, ten people who work where you do, but you have barely even seen them before. There are three on that table, three on another, and so on. Each table is chatting away between themselves about things you know nothing about. (Or it could be in the staff room, round the back of the bike shed... whatever.)
I know that I could listen to what people are saying, ask about it and join the conversation. Okay. But, how do you get to that point? Even if you ask if you can join them, what right do you have to just sit down with them? Or is that how it works? Is that where I need to be (a little :lol more selfish?
After the other night, though, I'm feeling a bit different. I don't think I'm so worried about it now. Most people seem to find being with other people fun and interesting... I just... don't.
To ask a direct question about what I said before - this is kind of how it went:
You walk into the pub, and there are, for example, ten people who work where you do, but you have barely even seen them before. There are three on that table, three on another, and so on. Each table is chatting away between themselves about things you know nothing about. (Or it could be in the staff room, round the back of the bike shed... whatever.)
I know that I could listen to what people are saying, ask about it and join the conversation. Okay. But, how do you get to that point? Even if you ask if you can join them, what right do you have to just sit down with them? Or is that how it works? Is that where I need to be (a little :lol
more selfish?After the other night, though, I'm feeling a bit different. I don't think I'm so worried about it now. Most people seem to find being with other people fun and interesting... I just... don't.
seekeroftruth
Well-known member
...
I am much better at speaking with people on a one to one basis, or with two people that I know well.
I can barely speak in groups, partially because of the tripe that people tend to talk about and I always mumble, slip my words up, or say something no one finds interesting and then I cease to care and separate myself emotionally from the situation.
I am much better at speaking with people on a one to one basis, or with two people that I know well.
I can barely speak in groups, partially because of the tripe that people tend to talk about and I always mumble, slip my words up, or say something no one finds interesting and then I cease to care and separate myself emotionally from the situation.