Talking to people of the same sex

[Ebbe]

I have seen some topics on this forum about having trouble talking to the opposite sex, but what about people that have a problem with making friends with, and talking to people of the same sex.

I am not very talkative in general, but it seems like it is more difficult to talk to other women then to men. Since I work in a field with mostly men, I don't get to meet that many other women, but when I meet them I always feel very awkward.
When talking to men I am usualy able to make a little smalltalk, but when I do the same with women, it often feels like they are looking at me as if I am strange (which I am ).

Could it be because I would really like to have female friends and get nervous when I finally get the opportunity to make them? Or are many women more judgemental then men, which makes it more intimidating to talk to them?

Does anybody else have similar problems?

 

[freestylemonster]

First off, there's nothing wrong with being "strange". I see it as a good thing. It's good to be different! I think your problem is you talk to a person expecting them to one day become friends, so you put a lot of pressure on yourself not to mess up. What you gotta do is go into the situation expecting never to see the person again. Then if she wants to hang out again or something so be it, and if she doesn't want to...w'ever!

 

[Helyna]

I think women are more judgemental, and since you're more used to working with men, it makes sense that you would be more anxious about women.
I wonder sometimes why we always talk about talking to the opposite sex.

 

[restmychemistry]

i have a very similiar reaction when i talk with other women, too. i want to make other female friends, but i always end up feeling uncomfortable around them.

for me, i know that i am uncomfortable around almost everyone, but more so with women because i cannot rely on flirting, or focusing on the differences between us (men & women), as a way of keeping me distanced from them on an emotional level. i want to be close to people, yet on another level, i am afraid to, so i will keep myself 'safe' by protecting myself... i'm more comfortable around men, she knows something more about being a woman than i do, i know more than she does about being a woman, she's this, i'm that... whatever... but, it all boils down to me keeping myself distanced from the thing that i want because i just may get it, or i just may lose it or it will suck like so much else has... inner dialogue, old tapes, society, commericalism, crap, crap, crap...

or, it could all just boil down to my relationship with my mother.

 

[JonnyD]

i've seen some girls telling exactly the same here,

althought i can talk with man in a more confortable level that women, everyone makesme nervous in some way :/, if they are unknow or i've not met them in a long time it makes me nervous too.

But i really think you dealing daily with men have helped, before i started to work i was absolutelly terified of everybody! then i started to work in ITs with so many dudes, that i started to get used with them.

in fact me dealing daily with a girl , made me change a lot of mispercepions i had about women.

But it's mostly about your safe zone, when you're at work i supose you're feeling alright , or much better then in the "outside world", when you're talking with a women there your less anxious then in the "outside world".

What i mean is, we're less anxious in or safe zones, so you made women into a "dangerous presence", much like i did with unkwnown people. When i'm at work and someone unknow appears i can keep working, but i don't feel like running away. If i was anywhere else (except home) i would go way asap.

but even now i'm not that confortable, even in some "familiar" position, i'm just a part of the scene most of the time. lets say that it looks like i learned how to be a robot then i behave automatically

 

[Moonie]

I have a terrible time relating to women. In fact, I haven't had a girl friend since I was about 15 years old. I am not sure why. I am sure there are girls out there that I would get along with just fine, but I can't find them or make friends with them.

I am worried that a girl would judge me as a weirdo more than a guy would. I think girls would be less accepting of my lack of social circle. I also worry that I would be the girl in a group of friends that that they talked to behind my back. I worry that our humor or interests would not match up. Many girls like to talk, maybe even gossip, be bubbly, and that's not me.

But, maybe I am more comfortable with guys, because they are the only ones to approach me. Maybe they want something more than a friendship, but at least they talk to me and seem more interesting in getting to know me. I think, too, that being flirty in some ways and even being intimate with past BFs has allowed me to open up more to men.

I'd really like to have a girl friend again. It's been a decade since I've had a sincere one. And I also find myself embarrassed that I don't have any girl friends. Just thinking about it, feels weird now.

 

[Hoth]

I don't interact much with either gender offline, but I've noticed online I have more trouble with my own gender (my online friends have been 85% female). I think it's harder to talk to guys because I'm supposed to have something in common with them, so I feel exposed and more awkward when it becomes apparent that I'm a different species. Women, on the other hand, are supposed to be different... so it's all well and good. Or it could also be that I can't rid my subconscious of the stereotypes of men as aggressive chest-beating nitwits who it's better to avoid.

 

[Smokeringz]

i can say hi, but thats about it.

 

[Riiya]

[Riiya goes paranoid.]

 

[Ebbe]

I am worried that a girl would judge me as a weirdo more than a guy would. I think girls would be less accepting of my lack of social circle. I also worry that I would be the girl in a group of friends that that they talked to behind my back.

Exactly. I am always afraid of that. It happened several times to me that I started to become more friendly with a girl, and then she would start gossipping about someone we both knew... :? What is up with that? At that moment I would just freeze. It is not just that I don't like to gossip, but it is likely that she will be talking behind my back too.

But, maybe I am more comfortable with guys, because they are the only ones to approach me. Maybe they want something more than a friendship, but at least they talk to me and seem more interesting in getting to know me. I think, too, that being flirty in some ways and even being intimate with past BFs has allowed me to open up more to men.

That too. The flirty part makes it easier to talk to guys. Maybe I am trying so hard not to be flirty with girls and not give them the wrong idea, that it becomes awkward. Maybe it is ok to be a bit flirty with girls too.

 

[Ebbe]

Really talkative and overly friendly women, for example, can make me very uncomfortable.

I am actually happy when they are a bit talkative: less uncomfortable silence.
But the overly friendly, yeah, if you mean the type that talks to you as if you are a child, just because you are shy, I dont care much for that either.

 

[jschuley]

I don't know. I think women as a group are horrible people, but that was based on my early experience in college. It also depends on the individual. Really talkative and overly friendly women, for example, can make me very uncomfortable.

How can you say that women as a group are horrible people????? I don't know whether you are male or female, but you should know better than to stereotype half the population based on something they cannot control. I hav e SA, but that does not make me any less of a woman. We can't stand on the outside as if we are not a part of the masses, because we are. And we count.

 

[Kinetik]

I much prefer talking to and befriending women, although that doesn't always work out so well, because I very readily take it to the next level without being able to leave it at the platonic stage. I find my own gender too macho and too limited. There isn't enough creativity, sensitivity, and expression within men. I'm often thinking deeply, and I feel a lot of various emotions. I also have no interest in typical male pursuits, and whenever gender stereotypes come up in conversations or the media, I never feel I can relate to the male ones. I suppose in that sense I've often felt like I have a female brain.

 

[InDeepshit]

i'm nervous around a person of either sex until i judge how judgemental they are (!) and i also find that it's other women which are. I seek out agreeable types...
Ebbe:
Anyway i think the answer to all three of your questions would be.. yes.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Hmm... I enjoy talking to men moreso than women... Because I'm not very girly, so with talking to girls there are very few topics of conversation.
I grew up with an older brother who got me into video games, and such. I was always the pants-wearing, music-loving, no-makeup, no-skirts, "tomboy" in school, until I transferred to high-school.

I hate a lot of girls. I'm ashamed of them, really. But I have a few girl-friends, who I like very much.
I find it's easier to talk to men, but easier to form long term friendship with women.

 

[Rodox]

I think women are more judgemental

I think its the other way around,maybe because I am a man,I am more confortable with older girls,with guys you have to be an asshole all the time,or they will eat you up for breakfest,at least this has been my experience so far,maybe I am in the wrong crowd.

 

[Fighter86]

I am female and I'm intimidated by 2 types of females- the good lookers and 2) the sociable talkative ones. Other than that, its not that bad talking to them. Hmm..I won't say its easy talking to other females who do not fall in these categories, its just that little bit less difficult because I'm not so self concious of myself.