Suicidal thoughts, but not wanting to do it
- Thread starter MFDunn
- Start date
dannyboy65
Well-known member
I know how you feel believe me I'm thinking your in high school its me just guessing? Listen though everything you are going through I have been through! I been bullied since day one of school I have autism, schizophrenia, anxiety, and depression. I know weed is addictive because I was a heavy drug user for 2 years. I mostly smoked pot but I also did ecstasy and acid. I was always high or drunk I couldn't go a day without being intoxicated. Don't kill yourself my friend there is much more to life I promise you. Ask anyone that has talked to me on here. They seen my last posts I've been to the hospital for suicide attempts, fighting addictions and been struggling with bullying. Just push through I promise it does get better. The reasons I wanted to die was the bullying, voices terrorizing me in my head, drug use and drinking. I gave myself alcohol poisoning 5 times in a few months. I don't even remember much of the two past years because I was always messed up. There is help though I promise you seek it, my recommendation though do not go to the school! They say they will help but they never do, I had to go to the school more then 200 times just for bullying and they did nothing. It does get better though, high school is a joke. No one is mature or trust worthy (some are but most aren't) I am now in college and I've never been happier my friend. I joined an autism foundation and met a beautiful girl who also has autism, I am above average in all my courses (which never happened before) and for once I have friends. Just hang in there and do not be afraid to message me I'm always up for some conversation. 
Thanks Dannyboy. I'm out of high school and I just graduated college. I loved the first college I went to because it was right after high school and I felt like I had a brand new chance to start over and make friends and I made a bunch of friends...but to make a long story short a year or two later I ended up making a mistake and in 2010 I got a dwai (driving while ability impaired) charge after leaving a party and in New York State the legal limit is .08 and I blew a .09 and I was 3 weeks away from turning 21...the legal drinking age in the US...anyways I became really depressed and down on myself and I started smoking and drinking heavily for a long period of time and gained a ton of weight.
I eventually realized that I was doing a lot of damage to myself and I stopped drinking alone but I continued to smoke on and off and have gone through periods of compulsively buying and smoking weed.
At my worst I was smoking just to make myself feel better and that was when it was really starting to get out of hand because I felt like shit all the time...
But since it was a community college I ended up getting into a really good school for business but because I had a bad experience and finding out my ex had sleeping around with some of my 'friends' and a bunch of guys on my floor...I was afraid to live on campus at my new school because I didn't want a similar thing to happen there (it's also in my hometown) so I decided not to dorm. But I made sure the door hit her hard on her way out if my life, so to speak. (Don't worry I'm not abusive or anything)
I had a really hard time making friends and during the first two years of school there... I ended up joining the school rugby team and I really wished I had done that sooner because not only was it fun but it was a great way to meet people.
I tend to not open up easily to some people so it really took me a while to get comfortable with them and by the time I was I ended up graduating.
But I'm feeling better today tho. I keep telling myself that things aren't that bad if I have those thoughts or negative thoughts in general.
I should feel proud that I just graduated a rigorous business school. And if I have the right attitude I can land myself a good job and maybe make a good living and maybe make it easier to get girls or start a family down the road.
And girls seem to love guys with money or a good job.
And as serious as any DUI related charge is, I ended up getting a good deal because the officer was known to have been really shady in other cases and I ended up getting a violation (my original DWI was lowered to a dwai) and will be off my record in a few years. I just know to be careful because another similar charge will land me a felony and jail time and I have no intentions to meet 'bubba' lol
I eventually realized that I was doing a lot of damage to myself and I stopped drinking alone but I continued to smoke on and off and have gone through periods of compulsively buying and smoking weed.
At my worst I was smoking just to make myself feel better and that was when it was really starting to get out of hand because I felt like shit all the time...
But since it was a community college I ended up getting into a really good school for business but because I had a bad experience and finding out my ex had sleeping around with some of my 'friends' and a bunch of guys on my floor...I was afraid to live on campus at my new school because I didn't want a similar thing to happen there (it's also in my hometown) so I decided not to dorm. But I made sure the door hit her hard on her way out if my life, so to speak. (Don't worry I'm not abusive or anything)
I had a really hard time making friends and during the first two years of school there... I ended up joining the school rugby team and I really wished I had done that sooner because not only was it fun but it was a great way to meet people.
I tend to not open up easily to some people so it really took me a while to get comfortable with them and by the time I was I ended up graduating.
But I'm feeling better today tho. I keep telling myself that things aren't that bad if I have those thoughts or negative thoughts in general.
I should feel proud that I just graduated a rigorous business school. And if I have the right attitude I can land myself a good job and maybe make a good living and maybe make it easier to get girls or start a family down the road.
And girls seem to love guys with money or a good job.
And as serious as any DUI related charge is, I ended up getting a good deal because the officer was known to have been really shady in other cases and I ended up getting a violation (my original DWI was lowered to a dwai) and will be off my record in a few years. I just know to be careful because another similar charge will land me a felony and jail time and I have no intentions to meet 'bubba' lol
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