Mack_Berserk
Well-known member
I've been a dunce up to now, and SA has nothing to do with it.
I ditched high school so much that when I was finally caught, the office said that it was "extremely rare" for someone to get away with so much ditching and difficult to "turn around".
I remember drinking lots of alcohol those days to justify my absense from school. I had at least one other friend who would ditch and drink with me, for other reasons of course. Eventually, I got to a point where I would drink before school, and then go to the first two periods while drunk just to know what it would feel like without being anxious. Then I would leave the campus.
But the truth of it is, I really can't blame it all on SA. I admit that much of ditching school had to do with the fact that I didn't want to be around people, however, it's only fair that I also include the lack of motivational feelings that contributed to my behavior. Sadly, I just didn't have any inspiration or goals in school. My failure in high school and college had more to do with no motivation than SA. (This is one of those things that is very hard to admit to myself, even in writing.)
I ended up having to get a GED rather than a High School Diploma because I was not disciplined enough to stick to my school work. I then went to college to study computer software through money from my grandma. I dropped out after a year from SA pressure and a sudden loss in interest.
That was around age 20 (almost 21). While attending college, I had been working for a game support company for a year when I got an employment opportunity in Texas from a software development company through a friend's relative. I moved from California to Texas for this new job and worked for about 8 months before the recession kicked in and they had to lay me off. Since then, I have been desparately working at a restaurant to make money, but was recently fired.
I am now 22. I have few skills, no special work history, and no useful prior knowledge of technical environments. Money is tight, depression is certainly nothing new, and SA has never let up (despite many positive activities such as going to the gym daily).
HOWEVER, after several months of working as a Host/ToGo associate and going to jail for... public intoxication..., I believe that I have finally had some sense knocked into me. I want to become a paramedic. I may have been a dunce up to this point, but I think I'm just now realizing that the past is the past and the future is what I make of it.
I'm going back to California in a few days. With some aid from family, I will go back to school to pursue the career I desire. This is my last chance at being who I was always meant to be. Honestly, it's success or death - There is no in between. And I WILL succeed.
I have severe SA, but I'm determined to not let that get in the way here. SA has plagued me since I was 13, and even though it still has a death grip on my social life, I won't let it stand in the way of following my dreams.
So... Can anyone relate?
I ditched high school so much that when I was finally caught, the office said that it was "extremely rare" for someone to get away with so much ditching and difficult to "turn around".
I remember drinking lots of alcohol those days to justify my absense from school. I had at least one other friend who would ditch and drink with me, for other reasons of course. Eventually, I got to a point where I would drink before school, and then go to the first two periods while drunk just to know what it would feel like without being anxious. Then I would leave the campus.
But the truth of it is, I really can't blame it all on SA. I admit that much of ditching school had to do with the fact that I didn't want to be around people, however, it's only fair that I also include the lack of motivational feelings that contributed to my behavior. Sadly, I just didn't have any inspiration or goals in school. My failure in high school and college had more to do with no motivation than SA. (This is one of those things that is very hard to admit to myself, even in writing.)
I ended up having to get a GED rather than a High School Diploma because I was not disciplined enough to stick to my school work. I then went to college to study computer software through money from my grandma. I dropped out after a year from SA pressure and a sudden loss in interest.
That was around age 20 (almost 21). While attending college, I had been working for a game support company for a year when I got an employment opportunity in Texas from a software development company through a friend's relative. I moved from California to Texas for this new job and worked for about 8 months before the recession kicked in and they had to lay me off. Since then, I have been desparately working at a restaurant to make money, but was recently fired.
I am now 22. I have few skills, no special work history, and no useful prior knowledge of technical environments. Money is tight, depression is certainly nothing new, and SA has never let up (despite many positive activities such as going to the gym daily).
HOWEVER, after several months of working as a Host/ToGo associate and going to jail for... public intoxication..., I believe that I have finally had some sense knocked into me. I want to become a paramedic. I may have been a dunce up to this point, but I think I'm just now realizing that the past is the past and the future is what I make of it.
I'm going back to California in a few days. With some aid from family, I will go back to school to pursue the career I desire. This is my last chance at being who I was always meant to be. Honestly, it's success or death - There is no in between. And I WILL succeed.
I have severe SA, but I'm determined to not let that get in the way here. SA has plagued me since I was 13, and even though it still has a death grip on my social life, I won't let it stand in the way of following my dreams.
So... Can anyone relate?
