strange

[incomprehensible]

the most bizarre feeling came over me last weekend, i was at a family reunion at my aunties holiday home. Now we were meant to be havin dinner together and just chatting and having a good time but i simply wasnt capable of it. Just before i arrived i started to feel tense and jittery and could only get inside quickly to grab a RTD which did nothing to relieve this. I ended up standing on the driveway feeling jumpy and despairing and unable to say much more than a couple of words to people coming past. i started to get frightened and went to the lake to calm down which did nothing so i didnt return to the house for 2 hours when dinner was finished. When i got back to house after walking round the blocks bout 5 times unable to summon the courage to get to the house. I finnaly did kinda but remained outside in the dark desperately wanting to go inside. Finally my cousin came out to try and engage me in conversation which is where i really lost, my heart went and i was uncontrollably shaking(almost violently) unable to talk or think properly with jerky uncoordinated movements when i tryed to move, at this i started to get a flight of suicidal ideas and there my cousin was looking at me with some sort of concern and pity but bassically looking at me like i was nuts! At this point i cracked and very quickly rushed back to the motel in despair. This has happened before but never to this degree.

What was happening to me? Feedback please 8O

 

[alana]

maybe accept that that moment happened.

I have moments like that and it seams like its the end of the world. Im sure that it means more to you than to anyone else that was around you. So maybe try not to get too angry with yourself. Accept that it happened and that it may happen again in the future.. But it dosent really matter if it does.

my 2c

 

[Ashiene]

What you experienced was a full Panic Attack.

 

[kayelle]

Your anxiety is getting worse I guess. Very often we need to hit rock bottom before we realise that we need to change. Something needs to happen now, you have to decide that this is the bottom and that from here you're going to work and seek help (different help if you're already getting some). That's not going to be easy either, but the alternative is staying like this.