Straight men and gay women in online dating

[Unspoken]

I decided to suck it up and try online dating after massive improvements in my overall anxiety levels this year. I list myself as female seeking female, but I still receive messages from males seeking females. I also listed that I'm looking for friendship, so that's been my assumption about their intentions. The confusing thing is that I've received a few "winks" or prompts from similar features. If it was from a woman I'd assume it was an attempt at flirting or hinting that I should talk to her, but it doesn't serve a purpose for men.

Does this say:

1) "I didn't notice the 'seeking' category."

2) "I'm trying my luck despite the 'seeking' category."

3) "I noticed you were looking for friends as well and I'm trying to be friendly. I might be unsure if you're interested in talking."

4) "I am a robot designed to send these. Beep boop."

And if it's #1 or #2, should I be more cautious of who I chat to in case I'm giving someone the wrong idea? I assumed that since we're all adults and not exactly in the age range where people are notable for being unsure of their orientation that anyone visiting my profile would take note and choose to interact or not interact accordingly, but...

 

[Flanscho]

I don't get your question.

 

[Unspoken]

I don't get your question.

I am a lesbian on an online dating website. I am listed as looking for friends and dating. Sometimes straight men message me and we talk under the assumption that it's purely friendly, but sometimes they send things like winks that serve no purpose between friends and I'm wondering if some of these people aren't thinking of it in friendly terms and I should reevaluate how I handle myself.

 

[mixedupgirl]

Personally if I was in your situation I wouldn't talk to the men i doubt their intentions are to just try and make friends with you, they've either not read that your seeking females or they're trying to push their luck to see if you like men too. It's a dating site, not a making friends site - so ignore them imo.

 

[Flanscho]

I am a lesbian on an online dating website. I am listed as looking for friends and dating. Sometimes straight men message me and we talk under the assumption that it's purely friendly, but sometimes they send things like winks that serve no purpose between friends and I'm wondering if some of these people aren't thinking of it in friendly terms and I should reevaluate how I handle myself.

Well, if I'd be you, and assuming you are 100% lesbian, then I'd stay away from most guys messaging me on such dating websites, since most of them would most likely want more than a regular friendship, which wouldn't make any sense. Of course, if someone messages you with whom you get a lot in common, and who lives nearby, meeting in a café or something can't hurt either. But in general, I'd stay away from them. Same if I'd be gay and women would be messaging me.

 

[sullyS25]

Guys are not just trying to be your friend on an online dating site, that is complete BS . Guys are horn balls and most dont care if it says you are seeking females, they will still try anyway. I might suggest changing the site. Im pretty sure on some sites, like plentyoffish, if you put that you are seeking females, they will only show you females and you will only show up on other lesbian females searches.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I would assume that the men are making an attempt . Especially via their winks and such. Then DEFINITELY! would be cautious as to their motive. It's hard enough to be friends with a straight male who's looking for somebody when you're a lesbian! At least from what I've found, let alone meeting them on a dating site. Hmm. Unless they are gay men. Then that sounds like a great friendship Heh. I'm not saying they're not just looking for friends, but it just sounds..... Against their nature I guess. At least discreetly assert that you're a lesbian somehow.

Good for you for mustering it up to put that up on the dating site. I tried a year ago under the same conditions, lesbian and just looking strictly for friends, and although there were a lottt of cool people in this area and I got quite a few messages, some potentially good conversations, I chickened out halfway through them or kept hiding my profile so that people would not be able to respond. Hmmm.. But yeah, good for you! That's a big step.

 

[Kiwong]

Well, if you aren't looking for 1 or 2 then don't respond.

And definately be beware of 4) some dating sites do send messages to get you to sign up to more expensive dating options.

I'd suggest those kinds of dating and not worth being a member of.

 

[AGR]

I would be open to only friendship on a dating site,but guess most guys are not.

 

[thegunners21]

Guys are not just trying to be your friend on an online dating site, that is complete BS . Guys are horn balls and most dont care if it says you are seeking females, they will still try anyway. I might suggest changing the site. Im pretty sure on some sites, like plentyoffish, if you put that you are seeking females, they will only show you females and you will only show up on other lesbian females searches.

And people say men aren't generalized on this site.