Sorta dating question...Don't know what to think ?

[teandtoast]

I should probably think nothing of this but I find it bit weird just wondering anyone thoughts...
I'm 27 and only been out with few girls sadly (really bad shyness has always held me back).
Anyway a girl I went out with when I was 17 who really got on with (sadly didn't last long because of my shyness) I recently spotted on a dating website...I hadn't seen her around in years but after taking ages to build up the courage and deliberating over whether to send her a message or not I thought what have I got to loose (she's pretty hot)...I never see her these days so won't matter if she doesn't respond.

So I sent her a simple message just saying hi what been upto etc, checked back next day and had no response and saw she had deleted everything off her profile. I thought wow she really doesn't wana speak to me or something or look at her pics etc. Found bit strange but thought oh well.

Anyway yesterday on facebook I came on to find I had a friend request from her I thought how weird after what she did on the dating website....really I should have declined her request but I did accept her.
She then even wrote on my wall to say happy birthday as was my birthday yesterday.
I felt like sending her a message saying I'm bit surprised she's added me but thought best not.

bit weird no ?

 

[coyote]

maybe she deleted her profile on the dating site because she doesn't want to bother looking for anyone else after finding you

or maybe it had nothing to do with you at all, and the timing was just coincidental

i hope you go out with her so that you can find out and report back to us

i'm on the edge of my seat wanting to know!

 

[outofthisworld]

well personally I maybe she got freaked out on the dating website because of all of a sudden there was ppl that she knows checking her out on the dating website..

so if she friended you on fb then for sure she kept thinking of you after she received a msg.
So you should start chatting with her and see where that goes. as you said you got nothing to loose

 

[kilojoule]

disclaimer...just an opinion......


I'd say she freaked out. (nothing to do with what you did don't worry) I'd say deleting it all was a knee jerk reaction. I mean you set up a dating account and someone you know sees it (regardless of who they are or your relationship to them) you'd be embarrassed and delete it all.

Then I'd say she realised she'd been silly and rash (...is that the word I'm looking for...yknow too quick, too reactive, not thinking) and went to find you to contact you.

You'd have to ask her the rest but you did nothing wrong. Definite knee jerk reaction. I'd have probably done the same.It in no way reflects negatively on you so don't take it personally

 

[teandtoast]

maybe she deleted her profile on the dating site because she doesn't want to bother looking for anyone else after finding you

or maybe it had nothing to do with you at all, and the timing was just coincidental

i hope you go out with her so that you can find out and report back to us

i'm on the edge of my seat wanting to know!

Sorry Coyote I know it is not exciting or barely worth a thread but I don't have these situations ever come up as not great socially and wasn't really sure how to play it.
cheers anyway

 

[teandtoast]

outofthisworld / jewel -
cheers for your thoughts...I guess you could be right and that kinda makes sense. On the dating website you can chose to have your profile open for people to see in searches or have it so your profile is only viewable when you message someone....I have it so my profile not viewable in searches for that very reason you talk about that don't want people I know seeing it (and there are other people I know who use it...one even in my department at work and would be possibly hugely embarrasing if she saw lol).

Maybe I could send her a message but I don't want to possibly embarass her again :s...I thought if she wanted to she could message me to say hi but maybe I should if she doesn't as guy expected to first and all that...not sure if should mention the whole dating website thing either

 

[outofthisworld]

outofthisworld / jewel -
cheers for your thoughts...I guess you could be right and that kinda makes sense. On the dating website you can chose to have your profile open for people to see in searches or have it so your profile is only viewable when you message someone....I have it so my profile not viewable in searches for that very reason you talk about that don't want people I know seeing it (and there are other people I know who use it...one even in my department at work and would be possibly hugely embarrasing if she saw lol).

Maybe I could send her a message but I don't want to possibly embarass her again :s...I thought if she wanted to she could message me to say hi but maybe I should if she doesn't as guy expected to first and all that...not sure if should mention the whole dating website thing either

I think she might be a bit embarrassed and not sure how to message you so she at least wished you a happy birthday which is a good start.
Why don't you reply something like.. thank you and by the way.. how is it going or hows life.. i don't know.. u know what I mean..

 

[kilojoule]

I think it should be a private message if anything

 

[coyote]

Sorry Coyote I know it is not exciting or barely worth a thread but I don't have these situations ever come up as not great socially and wasn't really sure how to play it.
cheers anyway

it's much more exciting than my life

anyway, my main point was that conjecture is useless

the only way to find out is to get to know her better

and that really is exciting :thumbup:

 

[gummybear22]

Maybe I could send her a message but I don't want to possibly embarass her again :s...I thought if she wanted to she could message me to say hi but maybe I should if she doesn't as guy expected to first and all that...not sure if should mention the whole dating website thing either

are guys expected to make the first move b/c of all that dominance mess?

 

[bleach]

outofthisworld / jewel -
cheers for your thoughts...I guess you could be right and that kinda makes sense. On the dating website you can chose to have your profile open for people to see in searches or have it so your profile is only viewable when you message someone....I have it so my profile not viewable in searches for that very reason you talk about that don't want people I know seeing it (and there are other people I know who use it...one even in my department at work and would be possibly hugely embarrasing if she saw lol).

Maybe I could send her a message but I don't want to possibly embarass her again :s...I thought if she wanted to she could message me to say hi but maybe I should if she doesn't as guy expected to first and all that...not sure if should mention the whole dating website thing either

um... is it too obvious to point this out, that there is no reason she would add you as a friend unless she wants to talk to you

 

[truffleshuffle]

um... is it too obvious to point this out, that there is no reason she would add you as a friend unless she wants to talk to you

I agree with bleach. She would have not sent you a friend request if she didn;t want to atleast talk to you. I would have thought the same thing you did if I sent a message and she just deleted everything and didn;t send a facebook friend requests but since she sent that request she deffently wants to at least chat with you.

 

[Mario8]

Its weird, no doubt. Some women scare easily from past acquaintances / ex boyfriends , so... maybe it took her a bit by surprise. Its understandable, in a way, but yeah its still weird lol. I`m guessing that she also didn't like the fact that anyone can see her profile. She may be embarrassed about that.

Anyway. That is no longer relevant. Right now its likely that she`s unsure of what to say to you. I say PM her and see what`s going on there. If you end up seeing something you don`t like, than move on quickly. Right now she`s just a chick from your past. She`s almost like a stranger. You got nothing to lose.

 

[teandtoast]

Cool I guess you guys right. Do you think I should mention before like Hey I'm sorry if I scared you before hows things bla bla or just not mention the whole dating website saga.

 

[bleach]

I wouldnt mention it unless she does. can't see what the point would be. definitely don't apoligize for messaging her, that's what she had the profile for. you're going to sound like a milquetoast if you do that.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I should probably think nothing of this but I find it bit weird just wondering anyone thoughts...
I'm 27 and only been out with few girls sadly (really bad shyness has always held me back).
Anyway a girl I went out with when I was 17 who really got on with (sadly didn't last long because of my shyness) I recently spotted on a dating website...I hadn't seen her around in years but after taking ages to build up the courage and deliberating over whether to send her a message or not I thought what have I got to loose (she's pretty hot)...I never see her these days so won't matter if she doesn't respond.

So I sent her a simple message just saying hi what been upto etc, checked back next day and had no response and saw she had deleted everything off her profile. I thought wow she really doesn't wana speak to me or something or look at her pics etc. Found bit strange but thought oh well.

Anyway yesterday on facebook I came on to find I had a friend request from her I thought how weird after what she did on the dating website....really I should have declined her request but I did accept her.
She then even wrote on my wall to say happy birthday as was my birthday yesterday.
I felt like sending her a message saying I'm bit surprised she's added me but thought best not.

bit weird no ?

It seems like maybe she was embarrassed at being on a dating website that when she saw someone she knows on there she immediately deleted it.

If she didn't want to talk to you further,she wouldn't have friended you and made a point to post happy birthday.

 

[Mario8]

Cool I guess you guys right. Do you think I should mention before like Hey I'm sorry if I scared you before hows things bla bla or just not mention the whole dating website saga.

Don`t mention it. Keep things casual, and go with the flow. And if this somehow comes up, just keep your cool and pretend like you never really gave it a second thought.

 

[OceanMist]

Oh geez, she did the "let's just be friends" thing in an online type of way. Gosh, that's almost worse than doing that in person.

I'm not making fun, I'm just understanding how disappointing it is, as I have been there, brotha.

Anyway, a lot of women delete their profile because they get sick of men messaging them that they aren't interested in. Don't feel too bad, it may of just not been you that made her delete her profile, I'm sure that other men contributed to that too. I've heard of men sending nude pictures on there and that kind of nonsense, so I bet she had to deal with that kind of stuff from other men.

If I was you, I'd ask why she deleted her online profile. See what her response is. If you do this, let me know what she says. I'm kind of curious about this.

Look on the bright side, at least she didn't one-date you without any kind of sex or intimate acts and then say she's not intersted in you. That's the worst.

That was the worst for me. I've had multiple women date me one time and then either say they just want to be friends or ignore my messages completely. That's the worst. It's just one big tease, and the guy doesn't even get sex out of it.

I'd much rather have a woman use me for a one night stand of sex.

 

[OceanMist]

To the people trying to say she was "scared," you do realize she moved from a dating site to a friends site to talk to him.

I'll put it this way, if she really was interested in him, she would have immediately explained her reason for deleting a dating profile. Either that or sent him her digits.

Btw, just because she's sending a friend request on facebook doesn't mean she even wants to be real friends. There are people with thousands of friends on facebook and they don't want to talk to many of those people, and yes, even people they friend requested.

Is it so hard for you to believe that she was just trying to nicely tell him she's not interested? Women do reject guys you know. I think this woman is trying to be nice about it, which believe me, that happens all the time.

I actually had one time where a woman told me she was talking to me online just to be nice. That kind of stuff happens all the time. She was just honest about it, which is rare with stuff like that because it's actually rude to tell someone you are just talking to them to be nice.

Honestly, it sickens me that so many people want to try to make the OP feel like she still might be interested just because you want to think that there is no unfairness in the world.

 

[gummybear22]

That was the worst for me. I've had multiple women date me one time and then either say they just want to be friends or ignore my messages completely. That's the worst. It's just one big tease, and the guy doesn't even get sex out of it.

I'd much rather have a woman use me for a one night stand of sex.

your testosterone sure does control you OceanMist...