So shy at 22

[Lotrsfan]

Hi, i'm sooooo shy!! and i'm 22! and i feel like i'm the only one! :lol: most woman my age are really really outgoing or they were shy when they were at school but they are now outgoing, have like 20 friends, a really good job, has been out with lots of guys, has a boyfriend and has settled down with him and is planning to get married and have kids etc etc.

Me, i have no friends, i'm totally shy, i've never been to a nightclub,, i've never been kissed by a guy or been out with one and i would be too shy to anyway LOL, and because i have no boyfriend (but i half wished i did and half wished i didn't because i would be worried i'll be too shy around him) i have no plans in getting married or having any kids real soon!! :evil:

it's sooo sad!!!! oh and i also have no job. I'm scared to get one, because of my shyness and being totally different from all the other 22 year olds that may be at the job.

Most woman, with their sister's boyfriends they...well don't flirt but they talk to them all outgoing, but me, i've never talked to my sister's bf, but he doesn't really with me either. And i hate it when he comes round, because i'm always here and he probably wonders why i don't have a job to go to and all that!!

My life is such a mess!! totally different from my sister's, who's starting uni on Saturday, has friends, a boyfriend who she says she's committed too and i think she's shy but not that shy!

grrrr!!!!

LOL my rant over!!!!

 

[A-UK-Lovely]

well u gotta start somewhere eventualy, u cant live with ya mum n dad forever! so eventualy u gonna need to get a job of some sort. ull find that when u get a job, get meeting people etc everything will slowly fall into place.
ull find the reason why the shy people from school are now outgoing is because they've been exposed by college, uni or work. n the same will happen for u if u let it.

 

[alwmt]

Me, i have no friends, i'm totally shy, i've never been to a nightclub,, i've never been kissed by a guy or been out with one and i would be too shy to anyway LOL, and because i have no boyfriend (but i half wished i did and half wished i didn't because i would be worried i'll be too shy around him)

I totally get what you are saying here. I'm going to be 20 in a couple of months and I have never been out with a guy either. 30% of the time I wish I had one but the other 70% I'm happy to be by myself. I don't really want a boyfriend if he is going to want to go out and want me to open up to him. I like being by myself most of the time.

 

[shield]

I think the first step is just trying to do little things which over the course of time will add up to big things. Maybe try to find some friends on this site who you could do little things with.

 

[littl3misstrange]

I'm in the exact same position as you, except I'm 18. I'm sure when I'm your age, I'll be in the same boat though. I can't see me changing anytime soon.

 

[Lotrsfan]

It's ok, I know where you're coming from. Remember not everyone is the same, outgoing etc. Did you ever go to college, or uni?

Yes, i went to college about 4 years ago and people were mean to me because i wasn't like them and i was too quiet for them. So i quit before they bullied me even more.
Uni?? argh! nah you couldn't send me to uni!! i'm soo shy for that!! LOL My sister's gone to uni today and i kinda envy her argh!

 

[Lotrsfan]

well u gotta start somewhere eventualy, u cant live with ya mum n dad forever! so eventualy u gonna need to get a job of some sort. ull find that when u get a job, get meeting people etc everything will slowly fall into place.
ull find the reason why the shy people from school are now outgoing is because they've been exposed by college, uni or work. n the same will happen for u if u let it.

I have been exposed to the world of work. I've been employed before in a warehouse. I didn't do so well because i kept making mistakes and then people found out i was really quiet and kept sayinhg stuff like "Give her like 2 months and she'll be ok." etc and i knew that, i would probably get that all the time now and with the mistakes i was doing at my job, so I quit.
I've also been to college, which i hated and have been exposed to students and god, weren't they mean!!!!

So, yeah even if i have been exposed to people, it doesn't help. I was still shy.

 

[no_wukkas]

Our stories are slightly different but I do know how you feel and have been there before... I think most of us have that are on this site. I don't mean to harp on about this person but she really helped me and I think she can help you too. She suffered with extreme social anxiety/shyness until she was 29, overcame it and now teaches others how they can overcome it too. She is in australia but has a DVD course available at her website. Plus links to books and cd's that you can buy on amazon.com If you can find a way to get the DVD then do... there's a good chance it will help you a lot. I hope it does... extreme shyness is not something you have to put up with forever!

www.socialanxietyaustralia.com.au

 

[Lotrsfan]

Thanks no_wukkas. I'll check out her webiste and maybe see about getting the DVD. But problem is...if i watch it, my parents will hear and i don't really want them to know that i'm watching something to get over this, even though they do know that i am very shy, but it's kinda embaressing, if you know what i mean :lol:

 

[no_wukkas]

Thanks no_wukkas. I'll check out her webiste and maybe see about getting the DVD. But problem is...if i watch it, my parents will hear and i don't really want them to know that i'm watching something to get over this, even though they do know that i am very shy, but it's kinda embaressing, if you know what i mean :lol:

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, anyone on this webpage would understand what you mean as we all have or have had a fear of what other people think of us. Perhaps you could listen to it on headphones on the computer? It's well worth it! Especially if you're not working and have the time to do it. Do you ever have the house to yourself?

I've just moved overseas with my partner which has resulted in my anxiety resurfacing a little... I'm not working at the moment and have decided to use this time to get my anxiety back in check (by using the workbook I received when I did Sue Clelands course, a book on positive affirmations called 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise L Hay and a cd called 'Self Esteem Affirmations' by Louise L Hay... it's working! It really does help. Even the Self Esteem Affirmations alone seem to put me in a better frame of mind... I listen to them on my ipod as I go to sleep at night and when I'm doing my work on anxiety.

The DVD course is also quite expensive but I do stand by the fact that it's worth it because Sue Cleland is a brilliant teacher... it helps so much to have it coming from someone who has been there and got through it... someone who understands what you're going through. So I think it's work every cent if you can afford it. If not, I know she frequently quoted a book that she swears by called 'Overcoming shyness and social phobia: a step by step guide' by Ronald M Rapee. It has it all covered... there's just noone there to explain it all for you and support you through it but it is a very good book.

All the books and cd's (apart from Sue Clelands) are on amazon.com.

Anyways... sincerely hope that helps

 

[Lotrsfan]

no, i barely have the house to myslef, because my mum is a houewife, so she's at home. And yeah, i could play it with headphones on my laptop i guess. But i have spent alot of money recently on other things.

 

[Remus]

I dont post much these days but your post caught my eye Lotrfan, it reminded me of myself at 22.

I was painfully shy as a teen and early 20's suffered anxiety and the worst depression, I remember not even being able to go on errands for my mum to the shop as I was too shy at the till :/

I hit 22 and kinda turned it around a little,, I was in a rut stopped going to college, I reclused and grew a beard!, I only had one freind at 22 and lived alone in a flat on the dole, I had my first breakdown at that age, after that I just tried to get out more, returned to college, made a new freind there, was introduced to other freinds, gained a little confidence from that, eventually the year after met my first GF, we had five years together and two kids, the relationship was a bad one unfortunatly but atleast I did it! shyness does fade somewhat as you get older, I do have SA (diagnosed) though, mine makes me struggle with groups more than one to one, though I think shyness and SA are not exactly the same.

maybe shyness gets easier as you get older or maybe you get so fed up that you challenge yourself anyway and get rid of it

you say you have no freinds but do you have freinds on the internet? they count too if you do

 

[lonely_world]

Hey, it will be okay. I'm 10 years older than you hon, and i'm extremely shy and socially anxious. Girls like us, we just have to try a bit harder than the "circus acts". :wink:

 

[lonely_world]

Hey, it will be okay. I'm 10 years older than you hon, and i'm extremely shy and socially anxious. Girls like us, we just have to try a bit harder than the "circus acts". :wink:

 

[Nervous]

I'm 24 and a in a similar situation. I've had female friends in the past and even lost my virginity but never had a meaningful relationship with a girl even at this point in my life. That's what I really want. It's so frustrating.

I've had similar experiences in my past jobs. Sometimes I'd just quit by not showing up. Even though I felt bad about it, it still felt good that I didn't have to see those people anymore.

PM me if you wanna talk. If you have MSN I can give you mine.

Good luck

 

[Stressball]

*hugs Lotrsfan* im exactly like u...except 21. haven't kissed a guy, never had an intimate relationship yet...have no idea what love is, talking to people makes my guts wanna explode, way too shy to go out to nightclubs, (my cousins dragged me to one once, but it was soo embarassing i literally ran to the toilet to calm myself down lol) im soo lonely its depressing, i want a boyfriend sometimes but there is not much too me so no one would be interested...meh...but we gotta keep pushing on and trying.

 

[OyVey]

It's cool, I get really drunk and pretend everything's ok. You can too

 

[LostInTime]

hope is a fleeting thing for me

8O

(24, 25 in dec, male, somewhere on the westside of the united states)

;///// im anxious even on the web these days but i need real chat
i only managed to keep a single friend thruout my whole life, i used to feel more comfortable online and had various people i talked to alot but i grew tired and ashamed of it
i live in the US and have been on Social Security Disability since Dec '06.... making friends in real life is impossible because my whole life has been lived thru studying history and using computers to research more........... i need something concrete....

ive never been on an actual date.... i used to do well with girls for the first time in my life at age 15, but various things crippled that by my parents restricting my social opportunities and treating me like an antichrist (damn mormons, if you question them and you dont accept 'God made it that way' as the answer then they are likely to shun you and increase the use of force)

.... someone reply to this I'm having trouble even holding on and I need to find people to chat with online who havent moved on with their life (thats where all my online friends went) .. some who DIRECTLY understands stuff like quittin your job by not going, etc etc


so lonely... but my one real life friend ive had since age 9, and the fact that after beign approved for disability ive told HIM alot of stuff and he hasnt rejected me gives a tiny ounce of hope and a large reason of loyalty [that is STILL EXISTS SOMEWHERE IN THE damn WORLD and atleast i have one tiny sliver of the pie of it] so i could never kill myself because he means so much to me, even more after i told him alot of stuff, of which my motivations still make no sense to him....
i feel very conflicted cuz hes not into social history or politics or anything... his lack of a response is discouraging, his common reponse is 'well if people dont know about it (the subject) than they cant say much'
and i dont say anything aloud, but in my head i think 'well then ask me some questions you bastard' .

i cant force him to be what he's not , and the mental health organizations around here are a freakin joke, they treat you like they are Overseers, masters of rehabilitation and see me as nothing but mentally ill.... some docs even treat you like cops... its all very sh*tty..

someone msg reply to this and hopefully we can chat on MSN...
dont have any interest in talkin to guys cuz i'll never open up to them in a real conversation, in my experience women have always been much more empathetic and PRACTICAL about ideas/conflict, etc....

ideas turn me on alot more than some 'side-boob' [Family Guy, PTV Peter's 'The Side Boob Hour' haha ]
but seriously... the mind is so much more to me than the body..
ive had sexually intimate relationships in real life and i used to have purely mentally intimiate relationships before, but my parents literally wouldnt let me go to people's houses (male or female) unless theyre parents were there or would just plain say no, so i lost them in discouragement and have shut myself down for years.....

they assume i just wanted sex which was never the case... i was a fool to believe the first girl i had sex with but hey ya live ya learn..... but ive learned enuf to the point to my brain has reverted to only theory...
i need to put things into practice but discourgement has overwhelmed me....

someone please reply to this , as i have waaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands....