So obsessed with wanting compliments from people in my life..

grapevine

Well-known member
- I really, really hate to admit it- because it is embarrassing and like an endless journey into insecurity, but I constantly feel like I just want someone in my life to give me re-assurance.

Forgive me- this will probably be a little long.. and probably inappropriate -its kind of a rant XX

And Ive become so obsessed with it now. Because its been 6 months since I lost a lot of weight and changed my appearance I think for the better.

For the first time in my life I am actually dressing up a bit- and exploring all that - something for a decade I avoided as a social hermit. And recently, for a short time I loved the way I looked for the first time in my life and felt good inside. But even then I never got any compliments .

I am so obsessed with it because in my past I was emotionally abused and stuff by a guy and he said alot of things that still get to me- and now I work with a guy that I still have a stupid crush on and its bringing back so many insecurities (and its the first time I have ever in many years or more actually been myself and hung out and actually talked with a guy )- little things are getting to me- what people say - that reassures my thoughts of unattractive - and so and so.

And because of all that I have been so depressed apathetic.

But it really hurts because for so long I starved myself of all this girly stuff and the moment I actually get into it - I get nothing nice said to me- and knock backs. I mean I get people always talk about gorgeous and beautiful women and all that in front of me. And this morning was the tipping point as I with a lady and she said 'where not here for our looks' as a joke- but that was something that made me feel like even more in my past! I am taking things so literally.
Even the guy I like has said things like everyone is average at work.. and then he wanted me to acknowledge how pretty his flame from the past was that hurt him by thinking of male movie stars I like - . I mean, all I have got to go on in compliments was when I was a teenager ~ I had lots of nice things said to me and lots of boys after me then- not that I want that now- I just want to feel beautiful and have reassurance away from the past. And not even my mum says anything nice - even though she sees that I have changed so much and taking care of myself.

I feel like I have to change everything about my appearance for not just the guy I like but to get some reassurance - and that is crazy!!!! It just seems like people hesitate to say anything nice about my appearance to me idk. Everything just feels like its pointing to a the guy from my past opinions and they are not nice.


How can I get back to where I was when I was happy with being me in the mirror and not feeling like I have to change myself for people?
 
Last edited:

F0AM

Well-known member
I think your feelings are absolutely normal, you've been through a lot and for the first time in a long time you're starting to like yourself (and to be honest, that's the only thing that matters) and a little recongnition would be appreciated (i think we use other people's opinion to verify our own and usually value more theirs...and that's wrong).

1 Keep in mind that people arrive and leave our lives (some may stay), but the only one you'll have to live with for the rest of your life, full 24 hours each day, is yourself so, change only that what you want to change about yourself in order to feel good.

2 for a short time I loved the way I looked for the first time in my life and felt good inside well, then you're doing it right and should focus on that since liking ourselves is not always an easy task, remember that we are usually our toughest judges! :thumbup:

3 people always talk about gorgeous and beautiful women and all that in front of me. But do they talk about how beautiful those women are in front of them? maybe they don't feel comfortable telling that kind of things directly (do you do that with your crush or someone you find attractive) and maybe (just maybe), some people talk about you (good things i mean) when you're not...in front.

4 lady said 'where not here for our looks' as a joke that woman probably doesn't find herself attractive and was only talking about her looks, since that our can be "in general", however, that could also mean both of you and maybe she added you to the sentence in order to not feel that bad (some people do that to avoid feeling worst)...saying "i'm not here for my looks" sounds more personal/crushing and not in general.

5 guy from my past opinions i've been reading "Off my chest rants- or how not to live your life" and do you really think you should keep in mind the opinion of someone like him? i dont think he's qualified to have any valuable opinion.

6 guy that I still have a stupid crush is that crush really worth all the effort and trouble? (just saying)

Anyway, is nice to see that you're starting to accept and like yourself, don't let anyone take that from you, even if i was wrong keep in mind my first two points. I'm sure there are lots of people who would find/find you attractive!

OH and i'm tired of saying this but correct me if i say something wrong grammatically speaking since english is not my first language and you'd be helping me ^__^
 
Last edited:

Megaten

Well-known member
For one I would say stop messing with that dude from work. Saying things like "everyone here is average looking compared to my ex" means to me that he either has no interest in impressing you or he has the dating skills of a kindergartner. Next he'll be putting gum in your hair and knocking over your sand castle. Some people are just guaranteed to make you feel worse about yourself, especially if you already have confidence issues.

Wanting complements after years of getting put down is kinda expected. I like getting pats on the back too since my confidence was destroyed through most of my youth. And its like Dr Phil said (though I know a lot dislike him), a person needs like 10 compliments to fix 1 putdown. Its like the brain holds onto the negative more than the positive. After enough positive reinforcements from good company, peoples self esteem can make improvements. But yeah I think most unhappy individuals are surrounded by either toxic people or those that dont give a damn how they feel.
 
Top