grapevine
Well-known member
- I really, really hate to admit it- because it is embarrassing and like an endless journey into insecurity, but I constantly feel like I just want someone in my life to give me re-assurance.
Forgive me- this will probably be a little long.. and probably inappropriate -its kind of a rant XX
And Ive become so obsessed with it now. Because its been 6 months since I lost a lot of weight and changed my appearance I think for the better.
For the first time in my life I am actually dressing up a bit- and exploring all that - something for a decade I avoided as a social hermit. And recently, for a short time I loved the way I looked for the first time in my life and felt good inside. But even then I never got any compliments .
I am so obsessed with it because in my past I was emotionally abused and stuff by a guy and he said alot of things that still get to me- and now I work with a guy that I still have a stupid crush on and its bringing back so many insecurities (and its the first time I have ever in many years or more actually been myself and hung out and actually talked with a guy )- little things are getting to me- what people say - that reassures my thoughts of unattractive - and so and so.
And because of all that I have been so depressed apathetic.
But it really hurts because for so long I starved myself of all this girly stuff and the moment I actually get into it - I get nothing nice said to me- and knock backs. I mean I get people always talk about gorgeous and beautiful women and all that in front of me. And this morning was the tipping point as I with a lady and she said 'where not here for our looks' as a joke- but that was something that made me feel like even more in my past! I am taking things so literally.
Even the guy I like has said things like everyone is average at work.. and then he wanted me to acknowledge how pretty his flame from the past was that hurt him by thinking of male movie stars I like - . I mean, all I have got to go on in compliments was when I was a teenager ~ I had lots of nice things said to me and lots of boys after me then- not that I want that now- I just want to feel beautiful and have reassurance away from the past. And not even my mum says anything nice - even though she sees that I have changed so much and taking care of myself.
I feel like I have to change everything about my appearance for not just the guy I like but to get some reassurance - and that is crazy!!!! It just seems like people hesitate to say anything nice about my appearance to me idk. Everything just feels like its pointing to a the guy from my past opinions and they are not nice.
How can I get back to where I was when I was happy with being me in the mirror and not feeling like I have to change myself for people?
Forgive me- this will probably be a little long.. and probably inappropriate -its kind of a rant XX
And Ive become so obsessed with it now. Because its been 6 months since I lost a lot of weight and changed my appearance I think for the better.
For the first time in my life I am actually dressing up a bit- and exploring all that - something for a decade I avoided as a social hermit. And recently, for a short time I loved the way I looked for the first time in my life and felt good inside. But even then I never got any compliments .
I am so obsessed with it because in my past I was emotionally abused and stuff by a guy and he said alot of things that still get to me- and now I work with a guy that I still have a stupid crush on and its bringing back so many insecurities (and its the first time I have ever in many years or more actually been myself and hung out and actually talked with a guy )- little things are getting to me- what people say - that reassures my thoughts of unattractive - and so and so.
And because of all that I have been so depressed apathetic.
But it really hurts because for so long I starved myself of all this girly stuff and the moment I actually get into it - I get nothing nice said to me- and knock backs. I mean I get people always talk about gorgeous and beautiful women and all that in front of me. And this morning was the tipping point as I with a lady and she said 'where not here for our looks' as a joke- but that was something that made me feel like even more in my past! I am taking things so literally.
Even the guy I like has said things like everyone is average at work.. and then he wanted me to acknowledge how pretty his flame from the past was that hurt him by thinking of male movie stars I like - . I mean, all I have got to go on in compliments was when I was a teenager ~ I had lots of nice things said to me and lots of boys after me then- not that I want that now- I just want to feel beautiful and have reassurance away from the past. And not even my mum says anything nice - even though she sees that I have changed so much and taking care of myself.
I feel like I have to change everything about my appearance for not just the guy I like but to get some reassurance - and that is crazy!!!! It just seems like people hesitate to say anything nice about my appearance to me idk. Everything just feels like its pointing to a the guy from my past opinions and they are not nice.
How can I get back to where I was when I was happy with being me in the mirror and not feeling like I have to change myself for people?
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