Sick of self-absorbed 'friends and family'

[ForeverBlue2]

I don't have many friends but have a couple that I rarely see but have more email contact. They are okay but others really drive me nuts. There is one who when we have contact with each other, all she is really interested in is talking about herself. Occasionally she will ask a question about me but then I will say a few sentences and then she somehow manages to turn it back to her.
I have provided support and advice for her a fair bit and then when I need the support she doesn't really care. We both had a problem with a former supervisor but now she is out of that department and that supervisor is helping her with something, she doesn't say a word when I tell her about my problems with this supervisor (luckily I am out of that department too) she just said that she is now 'neutral'. At the time it just went over my head but the more I think about it the more it makes me angry. I realised just what a user and fickle person she really is. I did want to catch up with her as I hadn't seen anyone for ages and I feel comfortable with her. But I am going to avoid seeing her in future. I just came away feeling angry and used.

I am so sick of all these me me me people. I am always there to listen and give people advice but when I need it, where are they??? My dad is terminally ill also which makes it worse. Especially when your own family don't make an effort and leave all the responsibility up to you.

How do people deal with these types? Do you just avoid them altogether? I know I have become very negative of late over people's behaviour which isn't good.

 

[manicexpressyv]

This behavior is really annoying.

The only real solution I have found is to sever the ties you have with people who are inconsiderate, don't make you happy, and in general hold you back from being your best. There's no reason to tolerate this behavior when there's a whole world of people out there to meet! It's tough, sure, but I think it's a better option that settling for people who don't have a positive effect on your life.

If you're worried about not being able to find other friends, I think that's indicative of self-esteem issues and you should think about what positive qualities you have to offer. I don't even know you but I can tell that you're a thoughtful person and would probably be a good friend. You just have to be unafraid to express that so others can see it too.

Also, if you expect others to be there for you when the going gets tough, you may find yourself constantly disappointed. Self-reliance is an extremely empowering trait.

I had more trouble with this when I was in school and living with my parents (less control over the people I interacted with), but now I am completely free to choose what social circles I hang out in, and who I spend my time with. Becoming aware of the people you interact with and the effect they have on you is the first step towards consciously choosing the connections in your life.

 

[recluse]

I can't stand self centred, vain, arrogant people. This is the reason i hate society so much.

 

[Havocan]

Just stay away from those arrogant and selfish people, the bring nothing but mental illness to you.

 

[Off The Wall]

Yes people love to talk about themselves, it's how it always is. For me thats somewhat good cause it means i dont have to talk as much. But yes it is totally annoying when you get those people who put all their problems on you i mean i don't mind i like listening i know sometimes you just near an ear i'm more then happy to be that person.

I was there day in and day out thru my best friends problems. I had a problem oneday something she'd been thru also and i told her and nothing! i didn't expect her to even say anything but maybe a hug? not even a hug! whatever man so not cool!

got rid of her fast.... and then all my other friends who were the same... Oh no i have no friends left! haha.

 

[ForeverBlue2]

Thanks for you replies. I do think the best thing to do is avoid her. Luckily I don't work in the same building as her anymore so it should be easy. I can easily make an excuse not to catch up anyway. To top it off I bumped into her again in the shops and had to hear it all over again...aarrghhh.
For a long while I have put up with people who are like this as I was too accepting of people and I have stopped being in contact with two of them which is a relief. They still send the odd email to check where I am as I moved to the UK but returned home a few months later. I just delete those emails as I can't be bothered with them and I don't want to be under pressure to catch up with them so they can brag about their lives as they usually do.

I think alot of it has to do with my disappointment in people that they behave this way. With family I have come to expect it and quite frankly prefer not to see them anyway. It's awful because I am so over everybody and am so hateful towards people which is a waste of energy I know. Perhaps it's been years of being polite and courteous that has just built up to the point where I have had enough. I never ask anything of anyone but you would think occasionally people would be more caring. That's life I guess. The less you expect from people the less disappointed you are!!! hehe

 

[kayelle]

Same thing with my friends. Me and three other girls used to be best friends, bla di bla. They completely abandoned me and forgot about me for the year I had severe agoraphobia, and they act like it's no big deal at all. I ask them constantly to tell me if they're going out cos i want to go too, but nope! Last week one of them went out of her way to let me know they had all gone out to let me know they had all gone out together the previous Friday. Then when I was telling her about how I am back in college, I mentioned that I find it really difficult to talk to people there (obviously!), and all she had to say was 'well you have friends already'. I had no idea what to say...what the f***?!
Anyways, sorry for rambling on about myself, it just really upset me so I thought I'd bitch about it here. Oopsies!

I think cutting these people from our lives is the best thing to do...instead of spending time being annoyed about the way they're acting and getting worried about it. It's so disappointing, but hey! It seems that's how people are, even those you thought you were good friends. ::