sick leave

[Thelonely]

I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. Thinking I should stop my pointless life. I don't have any friends, I never had a girlfriend, I had a promotion at work but it caused me to be so depressed that I quit and took back my old position. I was a good looking guy but with the last year or so I've gained so much weight. So I don't even have my looks anymore.

All I'm basically doing is holding on. Trying to see if something can change for the better. Not that I didn't try anything. I went to therapy for a good while. I tried different types of medication. But none of them seem to really help me.

But I'm writing this right now because the last couple months Ive been really depressed and its kind of costing me my job. I called sick often and even took extra vacation because i really needed some time off. Last year I was on sick leave for a month and a half and it did me some good. But I don't want to lose my job over it.

I just don't know what to do right now. I don't think I'm going to commit suicide but I just don't feel strong enough to go back to work. Should I go see a doctor and get off work again but maybe at the cost of my job. Or should I just go anyway and hope its going to miraculously fix itself even thought its been going downhill

I just don't know what to do

 

[Ignace]

I understand what you're going through, I'm in a similar situation myself but I don't call sick ever. I just go to work and sit it out. There's no point in sitting at home being bored and lonely. I don't know what you do in your free time, but mine is completely filled with boredness. Basically I just wait to go to work, when I get home I'm in bed trying to sleep or surfing endlessly to the same websites over and over again. As you see there's no point to my life either, but there's no way I could ever end it myself because A) I'm too much of a wimp and B) my parents wouldn't be able to cope with that.

 

[Thelonely]

My free time is filled with boredom too. Your routine is actually very similar to mine. But I did end up seeing a doctor since I was feeling close to doing it. He got me off work for the week so I could see my psychiatrist and sort things out.

 

[PugofCrydee]

One of the worst things you can do is get yourself into the routine of sitting at home while you are depressed. It only leads to a downward spiral. Getting back to work becomes tougher and tougher the longer you stay away.

I know of this. I had a back injury at work. Had 3 months off, became depressed, ended up having close to 12 months off. It just got harder and harder to 'want' to go back to work.
I seriously considered suicide.

Work can be a great tool and environment to work on our own faults - if we have the insight to do so.
Start by looking for small things that make you feel better, no matter how small. Go from there. We all need things in our lives to look forward to.

Dont end your life. Forever is a long time to be dead.
Yet in life things CAN change. Sometimes quite unexpectedly. In 2 years time you could be looking back thinking 'Gee I was in a bad place then, I'm glad I didn't end it'.

 

[MikeyC]

Is your boss the approachable type? Can you tell him/her what's going on? Maybe they can help you with your workload or something if you tell them the reason you've had so much sick leave.

If you're still suicidal, I do suggest continuing the search for psychologists and medication. If one doesn't work, try another. If that doesn't work, try another. Keep looking until you find a person and/or pill that does work for you. You also say you've gained some weight, and eating healthier and exercising (even lightly) improves mood like you wouldn't believe. I heartily recommend changing your diet and exercise routine and try to get back in shape.

As Pug said, your life can change, and it can be unexpected, or it can be gradual. Keep on holding on and I'm sure you'll come out the other end a better person.