shy guys

[Yossarian]

I was bullied alot at school for being a "geek".......*blush* (that is still embarrasing for me to admit).

It makes me angry when people use the term geek as an insult. You should be proud. Ok people use it in different ways but from what I have experienced they mostly mean people who do well at school or have a passion for something like Star Trek.

1) Yeah who wants an education? What the hell have smart people ever done for the world..... except inventing like almost everything..... pah it sure would be cooler to be living in caves, punching people. Ignorance rocks!!!

2) God forbid those morons who actually care about something. What this world needs is more indifference. Stop shining lights and curse the darkness!! Lets all sit around drinking pretentious coffee, wearing T-shirts that pretend to swear, criticising everything and everyone who gives a damn.

Ok rant over, sorry. I love pretentious coffee lol.

 

[Anonymous]

One way you might identify that a shy/social phobe boy likes you is that he trys to avoid you. I have done this. I may be interested in a girl, but realizing (realistically or not) that I haven't got a chance - I avoid her so that I won't grow more fond of her. Or, I rationalize this behavior by thinking that rather than put her through the pain and awkwardness of rejecting me, it would be kinder of me not to talk to her.

Perhaps irrational logic, but its all i've got.

 

[lifesnotfair]

it doesn't matter if you are shy or not, it seems like women do not like me whatever happens

 

[Anonymous]

Being an extremely shy guy SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!!

From my own point of view, the more annoying and loud you are, the more chances you get to actually hook up with someone. Sad but true. Looks (physique) actually don't matter that much in the end, because it is more a question of attitude than anything else.

Of course, most of us here share basically the same problem, that is to say, the lack of initiative. In my case it is a combination of this lack of courage with plain bad luck. The occasions where I have actually taken the initiative of asking a girl out on a date have not ended well. I have never succeded, not a single time. With each failure I get progressively more and more afraid, to the point of being completely terrified of rejection, since I know now that I do not deal good with it. The best I've ever gotten when it comes to relationships is the old "just friends" talk (aka the polite or "softer" rejection), which is not very promising.

Bad luck? Well, what I considere as bad luck is the fact that in the last couple of years, the places I've been attending (work and studies) are full fo people who is a bit older than I (I'm 24 right now) , so all of the women are already married or in long term relationships. Friendly people nonetheless, but for me it's not possible to remain friends with them outside the school or work enviroment. The times I have tried were quite unpleasant: Once I went to one of these women's house, and got the vibe that I wasn't welcome there (from her husband of course). On another occasion I got a similar invitation, I ended up in a meeting with other couples, that is to say I was the only single person there, so it was quite an uncomfortable experience. To sit there and watch these couples making out, or cuddling or just telling how happy the were together is just plain torture; it's like they're rubbing their love and happiness in your face.

Just to give you an idea of the thoughts I have in my head when I see a girl that seems interesting to me:

- "bah... she has a boyfriend or a husband for sure"
- "I have nothing to offer, why would she even considere talking to me"
- "she's already with her friends, how the hell am I going to grab her attention"
- "She'll tell me to f*ck off and laught at me if I try to start a conversation"
- "What the hell is wrong with me?"
- and so on...

Since I don't have any friends to hang out, I usually go out alone (if I do, which happens like once or twice a year), sit alone in the pub, drink my beer alone and walk back home alone...

I'm not only shy, I'm also pessimistic and bitter, because I can't even picture my life getting better anytime soon. I know I have possitive and desirable qualities, but well, I just don't know how to actually fix my life so I can become able to share all that with someone.

Anyone want to trade lives??

 

[Anonymous]

yeah, we can trade lives, although we'd both be left in exactly the same situation

seriously, it's only a matter of time before I pluck up the courage to put myself out of this miserable existence

and why is euthanaisa banned anyway? anyone who has experienced the life that i have would realise that euthanasia should be made as accessible and easy as possible

 

[Yossarian]

Being an extremely shy guy SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!!

From my own point of view, the more annoying and loud you are, the more chances you get to actually hook up with someone. Sad but true. Looks (physique) actually don't matter that much in the end, because it is more a question of attitude than anything else.

I don't think it's about being loud or annoying. I know it's hard but how can someone love a person they don't know. If you don't communicate (ick) or express yourself then there is nothing to attract people. Apart from maybe looks or a few people who might find you mysterious and be lured by curiosity. Or if they are telepathic.

 

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's about being loud or annoying. I know it's hard but how can someone love a person they don't know. If you don't communicate (ick) or express yourself then there is nothing to attract people. Apart from maybe looks or a few people who might find you mysterious and be lured by curiosity. Or if they are telepathic.

I agree with what you said, especially the telepathic part, but my problem is , even if I am talking to an outgoing woman, I feel like instead of her being an active participant in comversation, she is being passive in the conversation and sizing up my attractiveness from how well I converse. This evalutaion make me feel even more anxious and quiet.

 

[Anonymous]

of course nobody is suggesting that theres anything wrong with being a young parent or having children to more than one partner, if thats youre choice and path in life. right?

Sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone by my prehaps thoughtless comment but I was referring to girls who made my life hell at school!!.

 

[Pessimisten]

About the loud and annoying issue:

Certainly these types WILL get the attention. Of course they might just get the approval of the girl just by being obnoxiusly persistent (to the point where the girl just say 'yes' to everything to make him shut up). When there's this sort of people in the place I get sort of intimidated and at the same time more reluctant to even try my luck. It's a sense that one gets overshadowed by these sort of clowns. But of course... I'm talking from my own point of view, which may not be quite realistic. After all, I'm not that much of a reasonable person when it comes to social interaction.

 

[bzygirl66]

Needs help with a shy man.

I am sooo glad I found this site. I am not a shy person and have recently become very attracted to a gentleman who is. I was bold enough to him give him my number. He hasn't made a move but continues to have all the classic signs of being interested. Should I ask him out on as specific date or would that just shy him away even more? He is worth the wait.

Bzy

 

[J]

Re: Needs help with a shy man.

I am sooo glad I found this site. I am not a shy person and have recently become very attracted to a gentleman who is. I was bold enough to him give him my number. He hasn't made a move but continues to have all the classic signs of being interested. Should I ask him out on as specific date or would that just shy him away even more? He is worth the wait.

Bzy

If he seems interested, but hasn't called due to SP, then by all means ask him out directly yourself. Give him all the space he needs, tell him his shyness is OK, and help him work through things. Good luck!!

ps: maybe give him the URL to this site, too

 

[maggie]

I think shy guys are sexier, more sensitive, and more humble. (good qualities!!) And in my little opinion :wink: , I think they are more loyal and are much less likely to cheat on you. Guys that have too much confidence, outgoing, loud, do nothing for me.

 

[introvert]

Pessimisten, I am basically 100% in the same situation as you. The biterness certainly doesn't help also, making you seem like an unpleasant person on top of being anxious. :x I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this one.

 

[J]

I think shy guys are sexier, more sensitive, and more humble. (good qualities!!) And in my little opinion :wink: , I think they are more loyal and are much less likely to cheat on you. Guys that have too much confidence, outgoing, loud, do nothing for me.

I need to meet more ladies who think the same way as you! Too many gals seem to go for the alpha male (for my taste, at least LOL).

 

[Colin]

I wouldn't want to impose a situation like that on a girl, not without her first making her intentions clear. How should a girl's true intentions be read though, I haven't a clue! Slipping a telephone number sounds like a mixed signal, how much deeper can conversation get over the phone, I would think if put in that circumstance. Maybe encounter this gentleman in private and then give him your signal.

 

[kattness]

I think shy guys are sexier, more sensitive, and more humble. (good qualities!!) And in my little opinion :wink: , I think they are more loyal and are much less likely to cheat on you. Guys that have too much confidence, outgoing, loud, do nothing for me.

i agree 100% the loudness of them just make me want to kick em in the nuts thousands of times!

 

[FruitLooPs]

I think shy guys are sexier, more sensitive, and more humble. (good qualities!!) And in my little opinion :wink: , I think they are more loyal and are much less likely to cheat on you. Guys that have too much confidence, outgoing, loud, do nothing for me.

i agree 100% the loudness of them just make me want to kick em in the nuts thousands of times!

As much as I hear that, the reality *seems* to be different when on the rare occassion I go out to town clubbing. The louder more alpha stereotype guys I know attract women alot more.

Of course im not saying you're lying, rather that when I go out to town clubbing most of the girls there aren't looking for a shy guy I guess huh.

Communication is the key basically, I dont speak my more outgoing friends do - even if what they say or talk about is rubbish.

I guess its just a catch 22 situation for me, since im 19 and not too worried about not ever having a gf, whats more worrying is that i've had the opportunities and let them go past - and I dont see that changing. It's not that I dont want the relationship, its just I think im going to be 'wasting' the other persons time which i guess comes down to a self esteem issue. That and being the unknown im more content to let it slide and me wonder what would've been (man thats a stupid logic, similar to that other guys).

And with everyone that goes by I wish a little more that I would do something about it, but i'm happy/lazy/scared enough to stay the way I am which is OK for now. But in the long term I know i'll end up alot more depressed and sad if ive still never had a GF by my mid 20's or whatever.

Of course if I dont give it ago i'll never know what its like... problem being I dont see how Im going to mysteriously change and be in a situation where I know a person to ask out and feel confident enough to do it.. :? I'm actually in a situation right now where I have one of those things (guess what it's not confidence haha).

wow what a rant, sorry. 8O

I'll probably finally get the hang of it when im like 30 and wish i hadn't waited forever to get the courage to do it, since most ppl by then will be hitched or taken. I just dont want to end up bitter.

 

[Yossarian]

Re: Needs help with a shy man.

I am sooo glad I found this site. I am not a shy person and have recently become very attracted to a gentleman who is. I was bold enough to him give him my number. He hasn't made a move but continues to have all the classic signs of being interested. Should I ask him out on as specific date or would that just shy him away even more? He is worth the wait.

Bzy

Well we are all different but personally speaking just drag him out somewhere. Take him by the scruff of the neck and tell him he's coming with you. It would work for me lol. Yeah if he's shy it will probably be best (or at least quicker) if you take the initiative.

 

[Fredscars]

coffee sends me hyper. i dont drink it any more, so no-one meet me in a place and offer me coffee, ill spend the afternoon talking to lampposts-literally.

 

[Yossarian]

Talking to lamp posts isn't a very 'bright' idea......