Sex?

[Danfalc]

Okay this is a bit personal so i wont be suprised if i dont get many responces. But does anyone feel like sp really affects sex, emotionaly rather than physicaly, i mean i put up my walls when im with people, and i do the same during sex, I mean i still enjoy it, but i find it hard to be passionate and caring, and probaly come across as quite cold and distant during it, and even more so afterwards because thats when you tend to cuddle and stuff like that, so i tend to make an excuse and go afterwards because i find it hard to be close to people.It makes me really guilty because i feel like im using people for just sex,But to be honest if i had the choice, id sooner stick with the cuddles and being close if i could cope with that and pass on the sex.

 

[ColdFury]

SA affects my sex in that I don't have any.

 

[Moonie]

Well, with my first BF - we only had sex 4 or so times.. lol I counted. A couple of those times I had been drinking before hand. I didn't really like this guy.. I just didn't know how to end it. He oncesaid to me and some other people that "she only shows me affection when she has been drinking." With my current BF, I am much more open and I actually truly love him. I just am so shy aout being naked though, lol. There are some things I would like to do, but I m too shy for it. Though, we do cuddle and it's great.

 

[Sebastian]

Dan, at least you're gettin some!

 

[Danfalc]

Hi Moonie, first of all i want to say its good that youve found someone who you can be open with and that you love

You said your shy about being naked?well we all have things we dont like about our selves but to be honest im sure theres probaly nothing wrong with you except having low confidence,, but from a guys perspective,if i meet a girl who i like, does it matter how she looks naked?, as long as i like her personality she will be attractive to me no matter hows she looks without her clothes on.

And sorry if its wrong of me to give you advice on your relationship, But from you saying you can be open with this guy, perhaps you should talk to him about what you would like to do? I mean he probaly wants to do the things that you want to do, but doesnt want to pressure you

 

[Danfalc]

Dan, at least you're gettin some!

Yeah but its no fun if you cant feel emotoinaly close to the person, i know that might sound like im being sentimental about it, but i dunno i guess i just lack the emotion to be passionate when im with someone.

And masterpiece2 i do feel guilty about it,i dont be off with them on purpose,but with me being so distant it must make them feel pretty bad like im not intrested in them or somthing

 

[Sebastian]

Dan, at least you're gettin some!

Yeah but its no fun if you cant feel emotoinaly close to the person, i know that might sound like im being sentimental about it, but i dunno i guess i just lack the emotion to be passionate when im with someone.

And masterpiece2 i do feel guilty about it,i dont be off with them on purpose,but with me being so distant it must make them feel pretty bad like im not intrested in them or somthing

I know what you mean. However, it doesn't mean you cannot show affection and be cool with it with anybody. Maybe you need to reach a certain level of trust and to find a certain type of girl.

 

[Scottish_Player]

I wish i could make some comments on this post,but not having much experience with this side of life kinda leaves me with nothing to say on the subjet. :roll:

Maybe when i get my life in place and start doing what i should be doing at my age i can come back and comment on this post

 

[zzz]

How are you able to pump your rump and grunt and listen to the skin slap and have your big sweaty face looming over someone and all that without feeling close to them? Haha.

I had sex a couple times when I was a teenager. They were horrible experiences. HORRIBLE.

How do you get to the point where you have sex? You have to be sharing some kind of emotions before you get to that point, don't you?

I would ask you exactly what actions you consider to be "passionate and caring" but I think that's going too far. I'm so nosey. I wish I could be a fly sometimes.. just sit on peoples walls and see how they interact with each other.

Oh well, carry on with the sex talk.

 

[Danfalc]

How are you able to pump your rump and grunt and listen to the skin slap and have your big sweaty face looming over someone and all that without feeling close to them? Haha.

Haha!!!! :lol:
Umm im actualy a little embaressed i brought this stuff up, the only reason i did was cos i havnt slept for a few days and i was in a hypo mood.

But seeing as people have taken the time to reply it would be rude of me not to reply back.Um zzz, you wanted to know what specefic actions i considered were pasionate and caring? Umm well its not the actual actions i have a problem with, its like the whole mood of the thing, if that makes sence? I feel like because the very best i can be with someone is cold and distant, that that probaly makes them feel quite bad themselves.But i suppose thats just how i am at the moment, and like everyone else, im just gonna have to learn to deal with it as theres probaly no easy answer.I wasnt really looking for advice i was curious if anyone else was the same.

And zzz, im sorry to hear you had a couple of bad experiences when you were younger, but i think most people have a few experiences they would rather forget including me.

 

[Danfalc]

Masterpiece and zzz, first of all i want to say neither of you are being nosey.

Umm i think relationships wont last as long as long as we like because i think like everybody we get feelings for people, but i think we have problems expressing those feelings, and i think we also have problems dealing with other peoples feelings.

I also think we can be too clingy to people, i mean with most of us being quite lonley, when we do develop feelings and experience them from other people, its a big lift for our esteem, and we become over dependant on that person for emotional support.

When i meet someone and were planning on sleeping together, i wont if i think its gonna be anything more than sex, that might sound bad, but if i think the girl or myself even have feelings towards each other, i dont , because i know i couldnt handle a relationship, and one of us would end up getting hurt emotionaly.So no i dont think you need to share your emotions to just have sex.

As for what i think is pasionate and carring, well to be honest i think sex is all about the sex,I mean even if your in a relationship where you both love each other, sex is still about giving pleasure to each other,But i think its carring to take the time to stay with them afterwards and cuddle and stuff like that.

 

[Fredscars]

if i can comment without uhh..implicating myself..

i think emotrion is the problem...People try and make sex emotional..becuase the majority of the time it is..but as we have SA it makes that emotion difficult to cope with. i find when my SA is bad i cant stand my boyfriend even hugging me..the contact of his skin on mine is ...i dont know disgusting somehow..thats how it feels to me, but then im fine with my friends hugging me. That is because i know my boyfriend loves me, and all that..and for somereason i find that really difficult to handle..i scream or shout at him to get off and leave me alone (this is when he is hugging me) and he is left hurt and confused..but anyway
the original topic..
i dont think it really matters danfalc..You said you enjoy it to an extent minus the close emotion..maybe that is a defence mechanism...you protect yourself form the "dirty" feeling (that is the only way i can describe how i feel form contact) by making it an emotional, purely physical act.

i dont know if that made any sense. sorry.

 

[Danfalc]

First of all fred i want to say thanks for taking the time to repy to this, specialy with it being quite a personal post. And yeah it did make a lot of sence actualy.I think you kind of hit the nail on the head with how im feeling so thanks.

 

[lifesnotfair]

SA affects my sex in that I don't have any.

same.. i have postewd this before about sex being over rated. Which is true.. Sex is overrated

besides, there aren't any women out there that would want to have sex with me anyways.. so its a win-win

 

[Danfalc]

I dont think sex is overrated at all, I mean its one of the few natural things we enjoy.Its a nice experience in the phyical sence, but has deeper emotianal meaning aswell.I can understand if your not intrested in sex, but i dont think its overated

 

[lifesnotfair]

i think it is because what if you knock up the girl, or get a STD, or shit like that...

personally sex really isn't that attractive.....its just a painful reminder to all of the people that aren't getting any that we will never be able to experience all those nice things about it...

 

[Danfalc]

Lifesnotfair. okay sorry if the subject of sex is painfull to you, its sad that you think that you will never be able to enjoy the good things about it.You will!!!!

Its painfull for me to read about people who are in relationships, i cant see myself being able to handle a relationship now, or in the near future.But i dont then think relationships are overated just because there out of my reach at the moment, i try and turn it in to a posative thing,its somthing i want to eventualy be able to have, so i think of it as like a goal to get my self better to the point that i would be able to cope with a relationship.Maybe you should do the same with sex?

 

[lifesnotfair]

if i can cope with my job, i can cope with just about anything.. including relationships..

 

[Danfalc]

well hopefully you see what point im trying to make then?

 

[maggie]

.....this is just my opinion...but i have always had issues with sexuality...i think it is hard to be comfortable with kissing, sex or anything else that involves closesness to another person, when i am not comfortable with the basic stuff, like talking, conversation, the phone, shopping, driving, work, just normal interaction....it's hard to be content and comfortable enough to have sex, when i can't even express myself with words, much less anything else...i hope that makes some sense :roll: