cacophonyx
New member
Hi, I posted something up here like a year ago about this social nightmare I'm living, and now its much worse. I can't look anyone in the eyes. Not even my family. I'm totally afraid of interacting with people, and when I go out in public I have to hide from people that might recognize me. I used to have everything: friends, a good job, and I used to have no problem interacting with people. But its this eye contact thing. I can't seem to look at people's eyes when I talk to them, instead I look INTO them. It totally freaks the hell out of them, and me for that matter. I can't control it. I think that alcohol has something to do with this problem, because I am a very heavy drinker and I think it does something weird to my eyes and my soul. What I notice is that when I wake up from a night of heavy drinking, when I look in to the mirror my eyes look zombified. THey are sick and gray with no color in them whatsoever. As I look at the mirror I just have some freaky blank stare that I have no control over. I have tried alot of everything to try and cure this phobia. I thought that getting in shape might help, so I did that. Ive been obsessively exercising for the past year. I do 10 sets of 50 pushups a day and eat very heallthy. I am very fit right now, but I still don't feel mentally healthy. The only thing I havent tried is quitting alcohol completely, but I will stop for weeks at a time. I really hope that someone might be able to help me because this is a nightmare. I can't get a job, and even worse I can't get a girlfriend. I need a girlfriend so bad, I feel like if I had one, she would put the life back in my soul. But it is impossible to talk to women without looking them in the eyes, so Im totally screwed and lonely.