Seriously...how do I make and keep friends?

[Social_Monstrosity]

It's such a foreign concept to me. The only friends I can seem to keep are online and even then I get ignored after a while. I'm not needy/creepy or annoying or anything like that.

Getting a job will probably help but after 30 applications with no response, it's easy to get discouraged.

 

[Felgen]

Making friends isn't really that hard. Keeping them sure as hell is, though.

I've learned that the best place to make friends, is at the break at your work place or at school. Keep in mind that social skills is not the same as charisma; the latter is required to make friends, the former is required to keep friends. The latter can be learned rather quickly, the former is extremely difficult to learn if you have very little social intuition.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

....You can make friends by being involved. Join a club, play a sport, go to a class, whatever. The more you're out the more likely you are to make friends. Also if you show up to one place a lot, even if you act like a weirdo people could start to get used to it and think you're unique. If you act differen't then most, it takes awhile for even the outgoing-like people to get used to you. So you can make a friends that way. It can be harder to make friends when you go to a bunch of random places and meet different people each time, because you have to get used to everyone all over again and a real connection doesn't usually happen instantely. It can be a challenge just showing up though, but really it's how it's done.

 

[deleted user 1]

I know my circumstances take a shot at my credibility on my thoughts here, but I would like to offer them anyway, for whatever they are worth. When I was housebound for the longest period in my life, i thought long and hard about this, questioning why we should have friends at all! and it just came down to the fact that we are wired to be social beings, there's no getting around that fact, we observably do worse in isolation. It's in us to want companionship, to share our thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. This then turned my attention to how we make friends and how to maintain a friendship.

There are numerous ways to make friends. For one, you can draw on the contacts you already know to branch our further and meet new people. This may be the easiest route for some, as theirs a point of familiarity in the people you already know, which will also make the other person more open to you. Though, there are times, like mine at present, where you have to start from scratch. Work and school are two big opportunities to make friends. Or you can take up a new hobby and put yourself in new situations where you will naturally meet new people. The possibilities are boundless, how about the internet! (Do be careful with that one).

Next is the are I struggled most with. As a severe SAD sufferer, it was such a struggle to get through each day that I became very centred on myself, how I felt and how others acted around me. I became side-tracked by my issues as I became more withdrawn. The biggest thing you can do, in my opinion, is rework how you treat others. Remember all of those reasons for companionship I listed above? Well the people you meet are looking for the same thing. I believe that many times we lose friends because they end up doing all of the work, and eventually they take that as a hint to move on. so take an interest in others, invite them out, be pro-active. Show an interest in their lives, and show them that you value them and want them to be a part of yours! Instead of focusing on what you want to receive from others, give to them everything that you would want from them. Do this and I doubt you will lose any true friends.

I hope this post wasn't too preachy, I sincerely wish the best of luck in your endeavour for companionship SM

Dosvedanya

 

[shybutsexy]

....You can make friends by being involved. Join a club, play a sport, go to a class, whatever. The more you're out the more likely you are to make friends.

Tried this my entire life, but it happens that when im with a new group of people

i get nervous + start sweating + my brain freezes + cant think of anything interesting to say = no friends

over and over again...

 

[Minty]

I know what I need to do to make friends, and even keep them. The problem is I have no motivation to make friends because I can't connect with anyone. And you can't force a connection.

 

[Agon]

People are fickle beings. Sometimes you think you're friends with them for forever, but then they go and move on and leave you in the dust. Real friends are hard to find, so I don't think it's always our social phobic tendencies that drive them away. Sometimes, or even most of the time, but not always.

As for the making friends part, I think making the first move works best. Most people will find pleasure in having other people take interest in them, so that's how to get the ball rolling.

This is all just in my opinion, btw.

 

[deleted user 1]

People are fickle beings. Sometimes you think you're friends with them for forever, but then they go and move on and leave you in the dust. Real friends are hard to find, so I don't think it's always our social phobic tendencies that drive them away. Sometimes, or even most of the time, but not always.

As for the making friends part, I think making the first move works best. Most people will find pleasure in having other people take interest in them, so that's how to get the ball rolling.

This is all just in my opinion, btw.

That's very true, and one of the reasons why I find it very hard to trust people, or open up to them. I know that it's commonly accepted to gossip about others, and I'm not naive enough to think that it doesn't happen to me. Good friends are very hard to find indeed, sadly, I lost a very good friend, my best friend. Though it was not entirely my fault. My SAD was something that got between us, but he was also moving in a different direction in life. His values, morals, behaviour and ego all changed. We had less and less in common, and in the end, through my knowing that he was turning on me behind my back, I cut the cord. I'm still very disappointed that things ended like that, as we were the best friends back in the day. But that's life.

 

[ShyChild]

Tried this my entire life, but it happens that when im with a new group of people

i get nervous + start sweating + my brain freezes + cant think of anything interesting to say = no friends

over and over again...

Yes me too, but I think I'm interesting, have good qualities, & a lot to offer as a friend. Just don't know how to get there

 

[Duraldo]

Friends suck ass. Making friends is easy, keeping them....different story. I'd rather not ever have a single friend, then deal with the crap friends I've had my entire life. I'm almost to the point where there's no reason to have a friend unless I'm getting something out of it...since that's what everyone does to me.

Good luck.

 

[MNM322]

i have a problem keeping friends too, i can relate