Separation anxiety

[Kinetik]

Does anyone else here experience separation anxiety?

My girlfriend and I split up two days ago and I've been living an absolute nightmare since. My body hurts in ways I didn't know it could. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like I'm going to be sick all the time, and I can't ever envision pleasant companionship again for my future. All the daily routines we had (which helped me enormously with my anxiety) will be gone. Granted, we were toxic together and didn't really work at all, but that knowledge still doesn't take away the pain I'm feeling. What I know and what I feel are at war with each other.

I guess we lived in our own bubble, just us against the world, even though we argued often. Now that that's gone, I don't have anything left. I always said I didn't really need friends, and that's true - but only because I always put all my eggs into my relationship basket. So whenever I go through a break-up, it's like my world literally ends. I have no friends whatsoever.

The thing is, I'm bad in relationships because the aforementioned separation anxiety kills everything. I obsess over what my partner is doing, and I can't let go or be apart from them. I've tried to cover it in the past as best I could, realizing that it comes off as needy and suffocating, but it was always lurking in the back of my mind. So then when my worst fear comes true and it all goes to sh!t (like now) I find myself totally unable to cope.

I've had to temporarily leave my apartment and stay with my dad and gran, just to have some sort of familiarity around me. They're full of suggestions revolving around getting outside more and being proactive with life, which is the complete opposite of what you want to hear when going through this. I just want to curl up and do nothing.

I feel like the loneliness will eat me alive if I go back to my flat. I don't know how I'll cope with it being so empty there with just me by myself. I can't move on or be mature about this for some reason. I don't often post for help here, but this time I really do need it. I don't know what to do.

 

[KiaKaha]

Hey man,

It sounds like you are going through a really tough time, so I doubt anything I can say is going to make you feel any better, I do have an inkling of what you may be feeling, so I can relate there, but unfortunately I dont have anything practical you can use. I do know that you are very insightful person, and have always enjoyed reading your posts, and I sense a strength and intelligence in you through what you write. Breaking up with someone is never easy, and from my own meandering experience time is the only healer. I think what you have done so far is a good move, so keep it up, and vent as much as you need to if you think it'll help. Its a personal struggle and thats all I have really... stay strong, you can get through it.

 

[Kinetik]

Thank you so much, kiwi. It means a lot.

 

[LookingForward]

I feel for you Kinetik, my wife and I seperated about 6 months ago, I've been going through a rollercoaster of hell ever since but lately it's getting easier. I never imagined that seperation could cause such incredible physical pain until I went through it. Like you I couldn't eat, sleep or function at all. But it does get easier, I'm starting to feel more normal now, the pain isn't as bad, I'm starting to think of her less and less every day which is making it possible for me to get my life back together. I still sleep more often on the couch with the tv on rather than in bed because I can't bear the silence and feeling of being alone but that too is getting better. All I can say is hang in there, it will be hell for a while but it will get better soon. You know you were terrible together so listen to your logical side over your emotional side and you'll get yourself though it...

 

[RegalSin]

Asides for the lowcut hawk, why did you and your girlfriend break up?
You were not good enough for her? you spent too much time on something?
Money? prego? affair? That is the root of your problem.