Self-consistency is holding me back

[Mr. S]

I don't have any close friends, so my family are the only people who really know me. Except that they don't, really... they know how I was a few years ago. I played video games a lot and I spent tons of time on my computer. Well now video games last 15 minutes before getting boring, and I'm getting tired of surfing the internet all day. And now I feel like I need to hold up that image they have of me. It's as if I'm afraid they'll notice something different about me and say, "hey, that's not like you". I'm acting in stupid ways to maintain self consistency. I never go out except to go to school because I was perfectly content with my computer and my wii before... It's as if I have to do the things I want to do without my family knowing it. Which is impossible, by the way... somebody else is always here.

I'm torn between wanting to move out for university to get away from this... phenomenon, and wanting to stay for the comfort of my home.

This is really frustrating right now because winter break has just begun. Without school, this means 2 weeks of not going outside except for parties (of course I hate parties) and pretending to be content with my gadgets unless I change something... I'm not even sure how I survived the summer break like this. I was bored out of my skull.

That became a sort of rant. To turn it into a question, do any of you fear showing change to your family or friends?

 

[gustavofring]

If you start believing in this limited vision of yourself, it can become a selffulfilling prophecy.

I know what it's like. I too kind of thought I was a certain kind of person for years who acted and behaved in certain ways. I still am. But I am willing to break through this let go off my apathetic spectator attitude.
In many ways the people in our environment and the vision of us that they have can limit us. Because they believe we're set in our ways, we conciously or subconciously continue in those patterns. People will always have their judgements and vision of you. Why? Because it's comfortable and safe. Because you have a shared past and people use that as their frame of reference.
If you always were viewed as a loser because of your actions or inactions, then chances are people still view you this way. The question is do you let that dictate you, or will you take charge yourself and try to think out of the box a little, to become something more. Yes, some people will probably react a bit negative and cynical at changes. But there will also be people who are positively surprised. Those last people are the ones you should hang around with. Not the people who think you should continue being a version of you that you don't like.

"Look at a man the way that he is and he only becomes worse. Look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be"

 

[Mr. S]

Thanks for replying. I don't think my family would respond negatively to my changes, I just don't want to see them respond at all... for some reason.

I had an idea to start doing things outside of the house, I would find a charity or something to volunteer at. I even have an excuse, I need a few more volunteer hours before graduating. But I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents yesterday and I made that post trying to articulate why I couldn't... I didn't want to surprise them with changes.

I'll have to try again. I want people reading this to be disappointed if I don't...

 

[laure15]

I'm not a fan of drastic environmental or external changes because I believe change starts within. I've tried moving to different cities and things didn't get any better for me. I am the still the same person I was many years ago, with some minor changes though. I used to think moving away to college will make me become a bigger, better, bolder person but that didn't happen.