Section_31
Well-known member
Well, i unintentionally and accidently screwed up, and triggered by hunny's anxiety pretty bad.
We were having a pretty heated discussion about somthing, what id call a mild disagreement. I was really trying to understand her perspective, and was asking alot of q's, just trying to get the general feel of where she was coming from.
Now, the problem with this, is growing up, with her dad always screaming at her and bullying her, she learned at a very young age that shes always wrong, her opinion doesnt matter, and that she should always change her opinion to agree with whatever's going on. This has been ongoing for yrs, and ive been gently trying to coax her out of that, to think for herself and be honest about how she feels. Suffice to say thats been extremely hard for her, being conditioned at such a young age to act a certain way. Add to that the fact that her family didnt talk about issues AT ALL. so she really doesnt know how to communicate her feelings or opinions very well.
So anyway, im trying to understand things on her end, asking lots of questions, thinking that doing so will help us communicate better. Unfortunately it had the exact opposite effect and she froze. she started crying and only then did i really realize just what id inadvertently done. We werent yelling at eachother or even raising voices, but it still set her off. She retreated to go find her "safe zone" for a while and i left her alone, giving her space. But i could tell this morning shes still feeling really glum, and to be honest, i feel like a total monster for making her feel that way, unintentional or not. What i see as simple discussion can to her, i presume, come off as interogating.
So, i didnt have any time to apologize or try to make up with her this morning before i left for work. I know she was so worked up over everything last night that she was up untill way past 4. Im getting out of work early today, and going to try to set up a nice suprise for her, flowers, cheesecake, all that romantic stuff. Ive been feeling awful all day and just want to make it up for her, because when i realized what happened, i was horrified, because i swore id never be one of the people who brought on her S/A. Now, maybe thats a little concieted on my end, because as alot of S/A'ers will probably agree, you dont get to pick and choose who or what sets it off, it just happens. Still, it made me feel like crap for the whole day.
So anyway, im planning to try to make things up to her, and show her im sorry and love her. Hopefully all goes well. I'll update later tonight.
Wish me luck.
We were having a pretty heated discussion about somthing, what id call a mild disagreement. I was really trying to understand her perspective, and was asking alot of q's, just trying to get the general feel of where she was coming from.
Now, the problem with this, is growing up, with her dad always screaming at her and bullying her, she learned at a very young age that shes always wrong, her opinion doesnt matter, and that she should always change her opinion to agree with whatever's going on. This has been ongoing for yrs, and ive been gently trying to coax her out of that, to think for herself and be honest about how she feels. Suffice to say thats been extremely hard for her, being conditioned at such a young age to act a certain way. Add to that the fact that her family didnt talk about issues AT ALL. so she really doesnt know how to communicate her feelings or opinions very well.
So anyway, im trying to understand things on her end, asking lots of questions, thinking that doing so will help us communicate better. Unfortunately it had the exact opposite effect and she froze. she started crying and only then did i really realize just what id inadvertently done. We werent yelling at eachother or even raising voices, but it still set her off. She retreated to go find her "safe zone" for a while and i left her alone, giving her space. But i could tell this morning shes still feeling really glum, and to be honest, i feel like a total monster for making her feel that way, unintentional or not. What i see as simple discussion can to her, i presume, come off as interogating.
So, i didnt have any time to apologize or try to make up with her this morning before i left for work. I know she was so worked up over everything last night that she was up untill way past 4. Im getting out of work early today, and going to try to set up a nice suprise for her, flowers, cheesecake, all that romantic stuff. Ive been feeling awful all day and just want to make it up for her, because when i realized what happened, i was horrified, because i swore id never be one of the people who brought on her S/A. Now, maybe thats a little concieted on my end, because as alot of S/A'ers will probably agree, you dont get to pick and choose who or what sets it off, it just happens. Still, it made me feel like crap for the whole day.
So anyway, im planning to try to make things up to her, and show her im sorry and love her. Hopefully all goes well. I'll update later tonight.
Wish me luck.
Sorry about the dispute between the two of you. Hopefully all goes well. Good luck!