Scared to go back

[this_portrait]

At the beginning of the year, I started frequenting this nightclub on most weekends. Each time was pretty nice, and during the last time I went (beginning of this month), I had a couple people actually try to talk to me.

Then during VD weekend, I went to this event that happens bi-monthly (completely different place, but sort of the same types of people as the nightclub). It was not a very good experience. For one, I was there alone (which always tends to make things awkward). I only had one drink, but it might as well have knocked me on my *** because I felt drunker than normal (I suspect the Wellbutrin I'm on is the culprit).

While there, I was hit on/approached by three guys, mostly when I was trying to sober up. The first one was a bit casual and jokingly asked me something I couldn't hear over the music (something about lipstick). From there things just got creepier. The second one came up to me, placed his hand on my upper back, and asked what my name was. I said nothing, and he eventually walked away. The last one tried to sidle up next to me twice, giving me this look that just made me uncomfortable. At that point I went to a different part of the venue, to "hide," and I just felt sorta miserable at that point. The only relief was running into this older woman I knew from the nightclub.

Now, as you can probably guess, I wasn't interested in any of those guys. I particularly didn't appreciate the behavior of the 2nd and 3rd ones. The nice thing about online dating sites is that if you don't like someone, you can just ignore them. In person is a different story (I have no idea how older generations dealt with that shit). I don't really have a "nice" way of turning someone down. Unless they start getting persistent, I have no reason to get mad and say, "Not my type, piss off," so my instinct is to just flat out ignore them.

That bad experience has me sort of afraid to go back to the place I was frequenting before, for fear that I'll run into those guys, or that a similar situation will happen again. I'd like to think I'm being irrational in my thinking, since most of the people at this bi-monthly event didn't look familiar. Still, I'm afraid.

Am I just paranoid and overthinking (like I do about everything)?

 

[dannyboy65]

I don't think you should let that experience stop you. Clubs are expected to have those awkward perverted people. But if you do enjoy it then don't let a single incident stop you. First time I went to a bar my friends left me alone for 5 minutes and a dude hit on me and it was extremely awkward mostly cause I don't swing that way.

 

[this_portrait]

Funny how the one time I deviate from a routine, it ends up going to hell. >.> I have yet to run into any creeps at the place I was going to -- so far most of the people there have been nice, or at least keep to themselves.

 

[dannyboy65]

Funny how the one time I deviate from a routine, it ends up going to hell. >.> I have yet to run into any creeps at the place I was going to -- so far most of the people there have been nice, or at least keep to themselves.

I recommend you don't go alone though if you can

 

[this_portrait]

I recommend you don't go alone though if you can

Well, I'm SOL on that, because I have no friends. Not a single one here. That's why I started going there in the first place, to meet people. Specifically, people with similar tastes as me.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Is clubbing your only real interest?

Sure clubbing is great for hooking up.. but if you want to make friends, why go to places that have people half drunk/drugged and are mostly there to hit on other ppl?

There are a lot of good ppl out there.. it just so happens that I think most of them don't frequent night clubs and pubs

 

[this_portrait]

Is clubbing your only real interest?

Sure clubbing is great for hooking up.. but if you want to make friends, why go to places that have people half drunk/drugged and are mostly there to hit on other ppl?

There are a lot of good ppl out there.. it just so happens that I think most of them don't frequent night clubs and pubs

No, it's not my only interest. I'm more of a wallflower when I go because I am way too embarrassed to dance, and to be fair I haven't seen too many crazy, drunken morons at the place I've been frequenting. No one's bothered me there (yet); it was just at that one event I went to at a different place, that only happens every other month.

I don't really know how else to meet anyone, and all the suggestions I receive are the same, tired ones:
- go to coffee shops: I would (after all, I could write there), but people typically ignore me, and what's annoying is that eventually I end up having to use the restroom and I gotta take all the belongings I brought with me so they don't get stolen, and if the place is busy I might not be able to sit back down when I come back out.
- poetry readings (or any kind of readings): I really don't like those, especially poetry -- I know I look like the type of person who probably writes angsty poems, but I'm not, really.
- try meetup.com: I thought about this. I thought about going to a couple of them. But I don't like the idea of meeting up with a group; in groups I usually end up being ignored, and the bigger it is the more I feel like I'm competing to say something and be heard.
- (since I'm a writer) go to writing workshops (if they're free): this one I might do, but I don't plan on doing it to make friends. "Business" purposes only.

Basically most of my activities are solitary ones. I can't think of any other ways that would yield satisfactory results (if any results at all).

 

[ComplicatedGirl]

Is clubbing your only real interest?

Sure clubbing is great for hooking up.. but if you want to make friends, why go to places that have people half drunk/drugged and are mostly there to hit on other ppl?

There are a lot of good ppl out there.. it just so happens that I think most of them don't frequent night clubs and pubs

I hold that opinion too. Clubs are not the ideal place to make friends but you can easily meet people, which is different.

 

[Megaten]

I know you dont like the idea of that last website you mentioned, but you might have to bite the bullet and at least try it anyways. By you going out alone like that, but at the same time being very particular, its like youre casting a very large net. So you're gonna drag in just about every fish near you and end up throwing back a lot. The one you want may not even be there or frequent those places. So really it would all come down to blind luck. At least in those groups you can see what type of people will frequent them, plus since youre not by yourself you wont get TOO much attention.

Or an alternative, get with that older lady you mentioned if you can stand her. It might feel a bit safer that way.

 

[this_portrait]

I'm thinking of going out there either on Friday or Saturday night. Not to any nightclubs or bars, but just hang out in that specific neighborhood, walk around a bit.