Say your negative thoughts

Shyguy4

Shyguy4

Active member
I want to start this post to let people express the negative thoughts anyone has about themselves in any given day and maybe even have someone else who realizes that these thoughts aren't realistic to tell them they are over reacting or maybe give some advice on how to help out in their situation.


Today While I was out walking in the snow I realized I wasn't with my brother which I usually am and he was out with some of his friends and I had one of my negative thoughts that he's probably been waiting to not have me come along and that he only hangs out with me to be nice because he's my brother. By the way my brother hasn't shown me that he doesn't want me to be there with me but it was almost automatic for me to have this thought and I just came to that conclusion because I've been feeling like that for quite a while.
 
Fairylicious

Fairylicious

Active member
I wasn't going to post because i don't think i want to really put in writing the shit i say to myself... that would make this almost more real.

But your anecdote sat with me so i changed my mind.

I hate those automatic thoughts. They are always for the worse. I didn't realize how bad about them i am until the last year or so living and now not living with my cousin. She says that i'm always expecting the worst and that it is my negativity that keeps me so low. She reminds me that not only would true friends not think such things of me, people that don't know me, don't have the time to think spiteful things.

We, (but for my purpose i'll use your story-- i don't have any snow stories) Think of the other person/object, and we put on them what we think about ourselves. We don't think that we are worth a walk in the snow with, so we tell ourselves that the other person is just waiting to get away from us. Academically, it's a way to externalize our own self-hate/judgement.

In my case, i will have some automatic thought about what someone else is thnking or trying to do, and then i get mad at them, or withdraw from them. Really, i'm just letting my head get to me and tell me that i'm not worth company... but blinded to our own bullshit, i surmise that so and so is mad/irritated/bored etc. with me.
 
enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
I'm feeling left out. My sister and my brothers decided to go hang out in the snow and then went to the mall and never asked me to go with them because I didn't fit in the car with them....so I spent all day alone. Deep down inside I know they all think I'm weird. I'm the uncool one.
 
Shyguy4

Shyguy4

Active member
enchantress24 said:
I'm feeling left out. My sister and my brothers decided to go hang out in the snow and then went to the mall and never asked me to go with them because I didn't fit in the car with them....so I spent all day alone. Deep down inside I know they all think I'm weird. I'm the uncool one.
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I know what you feel I was feeling the same way when my friends left without me to go to a party and they told me they had no room in the car for me I felt rejected by my own friends which made me feel worse about myself but you also have to realize that right now you have social anxiety so you've been reacting strange and maybe even isolating yourself from them so they probably don't think you like them.... I know I always put myself in the bad view of things like maybe they think I'm not cool enough or maybe they think something is wrong with me but remember that other people don't see you in this sort of way so to them its more like.

"oh he probably doesn't want to come to the party with us"

so they probably made plans before you knew they were going and thought that you probably didn't want to go because they thought it would make you uncomfortable or they usually don't see you go to the mall(I don't because my S.A.) and assumed you didn't want to go so they didn't ask. You can't always assume the worst because people don't see you as negatively as you see yourself, I know it's hard but try to remind yourself that not everything should be taken personally and this is why I created this post to help people realize things like this.
 
bitingthepea

bitingthepea

Well-known member
my negative thoughts are just
if i say something there gona think im weird.. or what if i say it and it comes out offensive
 
no1

no1

Banned
f*ck everything. let's all just die..

there's no point to existence when there seems to be no hope.

sorry.

I feel unreal.
 
enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
Shyguy4 said:
You can't always assume the worst because people don't see you as negatively as you see yourself, I know it's hard but try to remind yourself that not everything should be taken personally and this is why I created this post to help people realize things like this.
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Thanx for this comment. I've tried seeing it from this point of view but I do gotta admit I'm different from most ppl my age and I've been told this before. I recently posted something similar about how hard it has been for me to keep friends. I can make friends easily but I guess once they really get to know me, they back away or something. Like I'm not cool enough or I'm too boring. I suffer from severe chronic depression and I kinda don't blame them...no one wants to hang out with 'negative nancy'.
 
wataf

wataf

New member
i have absolutely nothing to do on a freaking friday night and i've been depressed for at least the last two years and i can only see my depression getting worse in the future. what the hell is the point of living like this?
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
toothpastekisses said:
It dawned on me recently that I interpret everything as negative; I'm trying to think more positively and it helps ease anxiety a little, though it'd be very difficult living in a happy bubble ALL the time
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i am like this with every social interaction. every glance, every comment, every gesture is some negative implication about me. it can't all be negative. and it can't all be about me. what a paranoid freak i am.
 
Shyguy4

Shyguy4

Active member
no1 said:
f*ck everything. let's all just die..

there's no point to existence when there seems to be no hope.

sorry.

I feel unreal.
Click to expand...


I felt unreal when I heard that all my negative thoughts weren't real and I felt like how can something unreal like my thoughts affect me as bad as it did.Makes you feel kinda regretful that you spend most of your life worrying about thoughts that your anxiety made you believe and even more regretful when you see the truth.
 
Marci074

Marci074

New member
enchantress24,

I can relate to what you feel. A huge part of why I have social anxiety is because there were many times in my life when I knew I was left out because I just didn't fit in. Many times my cousins would go to places and would leave me out. It would always feel weird and not wanted and started believing that there was something weird about me that made people not want to be with me when it came to having fun.


This belief still has stayed with me for many years and it is very difficult to overcome. Everytime I experience rejection I feel like this again. This is why I have such a hard time with rejection and I would rather avoid talking to people than go through rejection.

For years I figured that I if I could manage to be like everybody else, my problem with social anxiety would be fixed. I find myself imitating people, agreeing with people, and doing whatever so I don't feel rejected. This of course, makes things worse and I still don't have friends because I can't be myself.

The times I manage to feel relaxed and be myself (very few) I see that people seem friendlier to me.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this.
 
Shyguy4

Shyguy4

Active member
toothpastekisses said:
It dawned on me recently that I interpret everything as negative; I'm trying to think more positively and it helps ease anxiety a little, though it'd be very difficult living in a happy bubble ALL the time
Click to expand...

Of course you can't be happy all the time, that would mean your delusional which is probably worse than having an anxiety disorder haha. The point is to see that your mainly UNHAPPY because you believe you are always going to be this way which is not true. One thing that helps is questioning your negativity like if someone got angry at you and made you feel bad don't assume because obviously you have anxiety disorder so you automatically think of the worst case senario.. so don't assume but try saying "maybe she was having a bad day and I just so happened to be socializing with her at the wrong time. Don't jump to positive thoughts when dealing with your a.n.t.s. thoughts because going from "oh she doesn't like me how could anybody ever like me !" to " yeah shes mad at me so what! I'm the greatest person in the world! It doesn't make any sense and obviously we wouldn't believe it since we think negatively and see ourself as less than human.By questioning our negative thoughts we can see a more realistic side of the situation then an emotional side.(notice that the statement you make about yourself comes from an emotional viewpoint rather than a logical viewpoint).
"Nobody likes me they think I'm weird."

If what I said was too confusing basically question you negative thoughts and you will see a more real side to what really is happening.(Your making a big deal out of nothing.)
 
CK23

CK23

Well-known member
I agree with shyguy.... We always assume that we are the problem... we're at fault... ' i made her upset, she hates me'.... 'Why would she want to be my friend, she is out of my league'... It gets so overwhelming that even saying 'hi' seems like a mountain to climb.... Yet, what's really surprising is that most people particularly girls are kind and thoughtful towards shy people. There's also this intense fear of rejection that keeps us quiet i think... We're rejected, tortured by other people so we automatically assume there's no point in communicating, even if a person is nice to us she or he would leave us cos 'People always leave'... This isnt true, it's not logical, it's just emotional! People dont always leave, there are some friendships that last for years! not everyone on this earth is cold and unfaithful! We just have to put our faith in God and have faith!
 
kathyprice19

kathyprice19

Member
its all pretty sad, cuz i always think that whenever i do say something, no one's gonna wanna listen to me, or that what i say isnt worth being listened to. i mean, when other ppl talk, i always listen to what they say and yet i cant believe that ppl would do the same for me. dont get me wrong, i know that there's part of my head, the rational part, that's telling me that ppl do wanna listen, but then there's the other part of my brain, the fear part i guess, that keeps telling me that whatever im saying better be said in as little time as possible so i dont waste other ppl's time, and what i say better make sense, it better be right, because making a mistake (especially as a student, in class!!) would be the worst thing ever...i want to believe that this is totally irrational, but i dont know, i just cant. and so ppl automatically think of me as stuck up or just plain quiet. i kinda resort to telling my opinions by email or facebook so that way ppl can read them when they have time...when i know that they have time as opposed to in school when they are rushed. i wish that i could believe that what i say is worth someone's listening but i guess that its gonna take a lot of work!!
another thing is the fact that whenever someone tells me something negative, i take that information and multiply it by a million. for instance: i tutor younger students (one on one obviously, otherwise id get panic attacks!!) and one day i was tutoring a girl (in the office, she had a detention) and the principal came to us and yelled at us to be quieter. now it definitely wasnt me who was making all the noise, it was the girl, but i took the blame. once the principal left, all i could think about was how it was all my fault that i managed to get yelled at and how i couldnt control this girl and get her to be quieter. now my math teacher noticed me tutoring this girl and the next day he pulled me aside after math class and told me that i was doing an amazing job. well it wont be much of a shocker to anyone reading this that i obviously knew right away that he was mistaken. i think he took my protestations as being humble, but i wasnt even trying to be humble, i just couldnt get my mind around someone thinking that i was doing something good, because in my mind i think i could definitely improve (if i could just get over my SA!!)
what i wanted to say, (in like 2 lines but it turned into a huge essay practically!!) was that i think that ppl with SA, or maybe just me, we tend to focus on the bad stuff ppl say, and to believe what they tell us, as opposed to the good things that we do...
 
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