SA is sooo bad!

[Jodie-Tyler]

I made a thread a while ago about being unable to use the phones at work, and the responces were really helpful, but the only progress I made was to receive phone calls when office is empty.

Well today my SA plumited, because I was asked to call a company and re arrange a pick up time from something we hired from them. I didnt realise I had to call right away, nor did I think it was acceptable to take all day but I just wanted the office to empty a little (which is usually does at some point) THEN I was going to make the call.

Unfortunately for me, the company turned up for their stuff which we hadn't got in the office yet, and it was my job to tell them to come tomorrow.
The driver has to make lots of other pick ups so can't wait nor come back at the end of the day, and now we're being charged extra.
And it's all because it's impossible for me to make a phone call in front of people.
I didn't tell my boss this (when she asked me to call) because A- I though it was really unprofessional to say I can't make phone calls, and B- I wasnt uncomfortable with saying that in front of the whole office.

So they're really pissed at me, and I just want the ground to swollow me up!

 

[kihira]

Hmmm...don't worry, everyone mucks up. Maybe you could do some training somewhere to get you over this issue? A bit of intense therapy. Doing phone calls in front of someone who understands until the fear smooths out to a workable level.

 

[Falkor]

I can totally understand, I even can't make phone calls in front of my family. I always go to a place where I'm all alone, and I check if people can't hear me.
That sounds really bad, I know. But I just can't make phone calls in front of people, I get really anxious when I get called in public, I just walk to a place with not lots of people around me and I pick up the phone. But sometimes I force myself to do it. But it's really hard to have this fear. Because making phone calls is something we all have to do. It's important, I was shaking today while calling the doctor for example, It's hard. But we should find good thoughts what makes us relaxed about making the phone call.. It's not like we have a freak on the phone.. Lol.. It's just talking to someone, a person you know, or don't know. Just interaction. You could practice before you make the phone call, so u say the right things, But mostly it goes natural.
I hope you can overcome this fear, so u can make your colleagues happy =)
And that you can do your job, without being bothered by SA

Good luck to you

I can't give better advice, because I struggle with the same..
But believe me, it's irrational our fear.. So , i hope that relieves you,
You just have to think positive about it, and things go good

X

 

[talisman]

I've avoided making phone calls in my job...I even avoided one just last week! lol

Truth is it is an essential skill for work so the more practice you give yourself the better you'll be and the easier work will become. The anxiety doesn't go away entirely but it will reduce once you become more confident.

I differ in that I'm more concerned with what the person on the other end of the phone line thinks than those sitting around me, but you just have to try and blot them out and focus 100% on the call. Just talk slowly, prepare what you want to say in advance, but avoid having an entire script ready in your mind (that causes me to fumble around with words a lot) and put on a friendly voice to make the other person more relaxed.

I moved into an open office about a year ago and since then I've been able to listen to how others make phone calls and that's helped me a lot, so if you can learn from those around you instead of worrying about them listening in.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Dear Talisman,

Thank you for your advise, others have said simular about writng down what I will say before making the phone call, which is good advice, only I can't do that when recieving a phone call.

 

[Lea]

At least you have some job...

 

[Dronee]

I used to be a cop for a while in the past. It was a very difficult challenge for me. What I found helpful was to carry around a pen and a piece of folded a4 paper in my pocket. I'll write all kinds of things down so that when we are making calls to transmit information and other things, it's much easier because everything is right there in front of you. I also carry a sort of (forgotten the name) hard piece of file where you can just clip multiple a4 papers to them.

Then you can just write stuff down, bring it everywhere with you. It's also a confidence booster in a way because in the mind, it's a piece of assurance. I actually was nervous right to the very end, but I managed. I was not fired and people thought I did a very decent job despite being very anxious deep down.

Just keep practicing. And try not to let other people's annoyance get to you. Oh and I used to sometimes stay back to help out other colleagues in other stuff that's not necessarily work related. Many of the other cops were older and are not that good with computers, so I sometimes helped them out. That gave me a little bit of confidence since they'll often be more supportive at work.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Thank you for all your comments, appreciate them!
Very good advice too, better than what my friends have told me!

Deeply grateful.
xJ

 

[overcome.]

I know how it feels to feel like you've dissapointed people you work with, yet actually sort of haven't, if you get me. I found that being open about myself to the degree where I let the people I work with know about my anxiety issues, very helpful. I'm not saying you should go right off of the bat and tell them everything, or even that much. But you'd be surprised sometimes at how people can respond, and how they'd rather help, instead of criticise. Have you ever thought about talking to a particular person in your office (with some kind of power), who seems open minded, about what's been going on? I know that's very daunting, but who knows what that could achieve.

I've had to decline things where I work. I originally told the people I work with that I'm going to find it very hard to do inductions into our work place, for customers, of groups of 1-9 people. Eventually, after confidence had been built up over a few months, I've done plenty of inductions, speaking to groups of people. I've done tours of our campuses with lots of people, and my anxiety isn't what it was, in some areas. However, I've declined to go onto courses to further my CV, due to anxiety. It's taken me a long time to be able to induct customers to our facilities, and I still don't go to staff social events.

To summarise, do you know what I think? Give it time. One step at a time. Be brave, but be honest to yourself and try to not put yourself under too much stress, but enough to progress. It's damn hard, but it does work.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Yes I know exactly what you mean.
I do have someone to talk to, and she has worked with me on my problems with the phones ect, but she gives me too much stuff to do at once and I don't want to tell her "I can't do any more it's too hard" because she'll think "She needs to do this and if she quits now she'll never get over her fear"

But I just need to say "I'm OK with you helping me with the phones but one step at a time please"

It sounds easy enough to say but it's hard to confront someone when you have SA, and when that person is higher than you.

 

[overcome.]

I know how to many the 'simplest' of things are infact really very hard to do. Just take your time. Do you work there full time? One thing with my job, is that it's casual work. So my hours change all of the time. All kinds of flexibility can help ease anxiety sometimes.

Have you ever had any form of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)? It's pretty mentally exhausting, but it's useful, and you learn a lot in the process. From what I've seen, quite a few people here struggle to get a job due to SA, looking at things on the other hand, you've done incredibly well to get into one, and to stay there is tough, but you're doing it.

 

[Feathers]

It's good to ask people by when you are supposed to do something, and see what the consequences are if you don't - eg 'Could this be done by.../Is it okay if this is done by (your preferred time)?' They're likely to tell you by when it needs to be done and why.. (orelse you can ask about it, in a diplomatic way..)

You've learnt a lot from this experience, so it's a good experience (even if it felt bad at the time...) Sometimes the situations where you learn A LOT don't feel good at the time.. The important thing is you can do things differently next time..

Also, a girl I know had problems speaking in a foreign language on the phone, but said her German is way better than their knowledge of our language.. So she just went ahead and communicated as best she could.. And usually they could talk things out okay..

So remember, even if you don't communicate 'perfectly' - you don't have to, you're not a radio moderator or TV anchor, you just need to communicate the essentials, you don't need to sound 'perfect'.. so just go ahead and do it.. (after some basic preparation)

 

[Feathers]

Yes I know exactly what you mean.
I do have someone to talk to, and she has worked with me on my problems with the phones ect, but she gives me too much stuff to do at once and I don't want to tell her "I can't do any more it's too hard" because she'll think "She needs to do this and if she quits now she'll never get over her fear"

But I just need to say "I'm OK with you helping me with the phones but one step at a time please"

It sounds easy enough to say but it's hard to confront someone when you have SA, and when that person is higher than you.

Okay, can you write things down or even record what she says with a mini mp3 recorder or on the cell phone or something? (Maybe even cell phone camera could help? Try & experiment at home, if you can record stuff with pictures, sounds and video? Check how good your mic is, how far away can people speak to be heard on the recording?) And ask for permission to record?
Then watch the videos/pictures at home?

(I found it VERY helpful to record some things on courses or informal stuff like baking bread or such.. )
Then, you could even make 'tutorials' for yourself..
I wrote down notes even when I was learning how to drive a car..

Could you also sort of ask her to 'give you lessons'/be her 'apprentice' and then say something like, 'Okay, Lesson 1' sort of jokingly.. and say, 'Ooh, this is advanced stuff, can we just cover the basics first?' And of course thank her very much for doing this/helping you, maybe with chocolates or such? (Or bringing/cooking her coffee? Or bringing homebaked cookies in?)

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

yeah I do make her tea.
And I never thought of recording myself from where others would sit, just to see what they could hear.
Might do that.

And I am already doing stuff like that, like lessons with my work college, but I just need to say to her it's all going a bit too fast for me.
Only, it was hard enough telling HER about my problems with the phones and stuff, and I have a job to do on another floor and I need to ask a woman to teach me how to do something and I'm so scared because of course I have SA so it's always scaring, but she doesn't know I have SA and I can't bring myself to tell her.
I don't want my boss thinking I'm using my SA to get out of doing stuff.