Ok. Right off the bat I'm gonna say that I've had a few drinks, so this might be long and tend to ramble. I'll do what I can with it.
I really don't know why I'm writing this - I mean my signature basically says it about me. Guess I've read a few things and seen a few movies lately that's got me thinking about it, though a relationship / commitment with someone is not for me (just prefer a girl on a casual basis). I'm a natural loner born and bred by probability and my environment. Although a lot of what I'm about to type is probably common sense (as well as my opinion that you may or may not agree with), there might be one or two things here that can help someone. Feel free to add or correct stuff as this is just basic info that I'm typing up half drunk anyway. Ok here we go...
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It seems that finding the right person for a relationship is about timing, numbers, and persistence.
First off, if someone doesn't seem interested in you or appears to turn you down, don't take it personally. In all honesty, many times the reason is not you but is them. They might actually like you but not respond to you at the time due to any number of personal reasons: they may be down at the time / not feeling well for whatever reason and just don't feel like meeting someone at the moment, they may have recently broken up with someone and aren't interested in anyone at the present, they may currently have a bf/gf, they may be focusing solely on another area of their life at the moment and currently don't want or don't have time for a relationship, they may have SA as well and its difficult for them to respond to you, they may be dealing with other things at the time such as family problems or whatever number of other issues they may currently be having, etc..
I'm not a big deal or anything, but just showing an example in regards to the above paragraph: I remember times in the past when girls I was really attracted to showed interest in me and I didn't respond (mainly due to either being in a "down phase" mentally at the time, or being "so far away" at the time that girls weren't even on my radar). I really did like them, especially the ones who were genuine, but didn't respond to them because of things I was dealing with at the time. More likely than not, these girls probably thought that I didn't like them and that the reason was because of them, as people many times are mostly focused on themselves and don't even consider the other person's situation. But in reality it wasn't them, it was me. At the least, I wish they would've known that it was me and not them (not sure if they would've believed it though - reminds me of a Seinfeld episode), to take away any rejection or insecurity that they might have felt.
It might be difficult (more for some than others depending on your degree of SA), but if possible take the initiative to show interest in the other person, rather than wait on the other person to let you know if they are interested in you. If you don’t make the first move, nothing may ever happen, as many times the other person doesn't want to make the first move either out of fear and is waiting for you to do so.
Something that might help: If you show interest in a person and they don't show interest back in you at the time (possibly due to any number of reasons as mentioned above), consider leaving the door open for them, giving them the option to get back to you later. The last thing you say to them can simply be "If you change your mind later, just let me know." And if they don't know you very well and have no way of contacting you, maybe just give them a piece of paper or business card with your name and phone # on it and walk away. If nothing else they'll be flattered that you have shown interest in them. You might be surprised how many people would walk through this door at some point in time, whether it be hours later or possibly years later, if you just give them the option to respond back to you when the time is right for them. Even though they now know you are into them, if you don't give them this option / let them know that you would like to see them later, they might think you are no longer interested and they may not contact you later if they wanted to, out of fear thinking that you might reject them. So it might help to let them know that you would still be interested in them.
Never be afraid of rejection. If a person just isn't into you, who cares. It is just their opinion and means nothing. Not everyone is going to like you, just like you aren't going to like everyone you meet - different people have different tastes. It doesn't matter - let it go and move on. Again, don't take it personally - you win some, you lose some. Just don't quit - keep pursuing. The more you pursue, the more likely it is that you will find the right person for you. Finding out that someone isn't interested in you is a good thing. You now know that they aren't interested, you can give them the option to get back to you later if they change their mind, and you can move on to someone else, instead of waiting around on that one person the whole time wondering if they are into you or not. Most people, if not everyone, are turned down at times in their lives. Sorting through the numbers / being turned down / turning down other people is many times necessary in order to find the right person for you. Sure you might get lucky and find the right person early on, but a lot of times this doesn't happen. Don't make the mistake of settling for someone you are not happy with. Don't just stay with the first person who shows an interest in you (unless they are perfect for you), as this person may not be the best fit for you. There may be someone out there who is better for you and you for them - don't be afraid to test the waters - go out and find them. Finding the right person will far outweigh any rejection you may encounter on your path to finding that person. Even if you pursue 100 people and 99 of them aren't interested or aren't a good fit for you, you still win and it was completely worth it, as you have found that one person who is right for you. The same would be true even if it took 1,000 people - just be persistent and keep looking until you find the right person for you. You only lose/fail if you quit or don't try at all. Just don't try too hard, as this can come across as desperate which can be a turn-off in general. Just take your time and let it fall in place.
Don't rush it, but do take action as opportunities become available. There is only so much time in this existence, and once it's gone you can't get it back.
"...And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you..."
I really don't know why I'm writing this - I mean my signature basically says it about me. Guess I've read a few things and seen a few movies lately that's got me thinking about it, though a relationship / commitment with someone is not for me (just prefer a girl on a casual basis). I'm a natural loner born and bred by probability and my environment. Although a lot of what I'm about to type is probably common sense (as well as my opinion that you may or may not agree with), there might be one or two things here that can help someone. Feel free to add or correct stuff as this is just basic info that I'm typing up half drunk anyway. Ok here we go...
----------------------------------------
It seems that finding the right person for a relationship is about timing, numbers, and persistence.
First off, if someone doesn't seem interested in you or appears to turn you down, don't take it personally. In all honesty, many times the reason is not you but is them. They might actually like you but not respond to you at the time due to any number of personal reasons: they may be down at the time / not feeling well for whatever reason and just don't feel like meeting someone at the moment, they may have recently broken up with someone and aren't interested in anyone at the present, they may currently have a bf/gf, they may be focusing solely on another area of their life at the moment and currently don't want or don't have time for a relationship, they may have SA as well and its difficult for them to respond to you, they may be dealing with other things at the time such as family problems or whatever number of other issues they may currently be having, etc..
I'm not a big deal or anything, but just showing an example in regards to the above paragraph: I remember times in the past when girls I was really attracted to showed interest in me and I didn't respond (mainly due to either being in a "down phase" mentally at the time, or being "so far away" at the time that girls weren't even on my radar). I really did like them, especially the ones who were genuine, but didn't respond to them because of things I was dealing with at the time. More likely than not, these girls probably thought that I didn't like them and that the reason was because of them, as people many times are mostly focused on themselves and don't even consider the other person's situation. But in reality it wasn't them, it was me. At the least, I wish they would've known that it was me and not them (not sure if they would've believed it though - reminds me of a Seinfeld episode), to take away any rejection or insecurity that they might have felt.
It might be difficult (more for some than others depending on your degree of SA), but if possible take the initiative to show interest in the other person, rather than wait on the other person to let you know if they are interested in you. If you don’t make the first move, nothing may ever happen, as many times the other person doesn't want to make the first move either out of fear and is waiting for you to do so.
Something that might help: If you show interest in a person and they don't show interest back in you at the time (possibly due to any number of reasons as mentioned above), consider leaving the door open for them, giving them the option to get back to you later. The last thing you say to them can simply be "If you change your mind later, just let me know." And if they don't know you very well and have no way of contacting you, maybe just give them a piece of paper or business card with your name and phone # on it and walk away. If nothing else they'll be flattered that you have shown interest in them. You might be surprised how many people would walk through this door at some point in time, whether it be hours later or possibly years later, if you just give them the option to respond back to you when the time is right for them. Even though they now know you are into them, if you don't give them this option / let them know that you would like to see them later, they might think you are no longer interested and they may not contact you later if they wanted to, out of fear thinking that you might reject them. So it might help to let them know that you would still be interested in them.
Never be afraid of rejection. If a person just isn't into you, who cares. It is just their opinion and means nothing. Not everyone is going to like you, just like you aren't going to like everyone you meet - different people have different tastes. It doesn't matter - let it go and move on. Again, don't take it personally - you win some, you lose some. Just don't quit - keep pursuing. The more you pursue, the more likely it is that you will find the right person for you. Finding out that someone isn't interested in you is a good thing. You now know that they aren't interested, you can give them the option to get back to you later if they change their mind, and you can move on to someone else, instead of waiting around on that one person the whole time wondering if they are into you or not. Most people, if not everyone, are turned down at times in their lives. Sorting through the numbers / being turned down / turning down other people is many times necessary in order to find the right person for you. Sure you might get lucky and find the right person early on, but a lot of times this doesn't happen. Don't make the mistake of settling for someone you are not happy with. Don't just stay with the first person who shows an interest in you (unless they are perfect for you), as this person may not be the best fit for you. There may be someone out there who is better for you and you for them - don't be afraid to test the waters - go out and find them. Finding the right person will far outweigh any rejection you may encounter on your path to finding that person. Even if you pursue 100 people and 99 of them aren't interested or aren't a good fit for you, you still win and it was completely worth it, as you have found that one person who is right for you. The same would be true even if it took 1,000 people - just be persistent and keep looking until you find the right person for you. You only lose/fail if you quit or don't try at all. Just don't try too hard, as this can come across as desperate which can be a turn-off in general. Just take your time and let it fall in place.
Don't rush it, but do take action as opportunities become available. There is only so much time in this existence, and once it's gone you can't get it back.
"...And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you..."
