Reaching Out...(A place to rant, cry out for help, and confess)
- Thread starter M1tCh
- Start date
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
this isn't anything serious to bitch about, but i felt like sharing since i can't really tell anyone anyway....
i have this stupid little girly crush on one of my dad's friends... that sounds weird, but the guy is just my dad's friend from church, and he's only 28.. anyway, he's too cute and funny and he comes over some saturdays when my dad buy's the pay-per-view UFC fights and a bunch of people come over to watch..... anyway, i just wish he would message me on fb or something at least, hahaha! but i'm never ever one to initiate anything soooo ehhh, i'll just have my little silly crush on him
lol
i have this stupid little girly crush on one of my dad's friends... that sounds weird, but the guy is just my dad's friend from church, and he's only 28.. anyway, he's too cute and funny and he comes over some saturdays when my dad buy's the pay-per-view UFC fights and a bunch of people come over to watch..... anyway, i just wish he would message me on fb or something at least, hahaha! but i'm never ever one to initiate anything soooo ehhh, i'll just have my little silly crush on him
lol
Kat
Well-known member
It’s sad but that’s how most people feel and when you do reach out to people try to help, people knock you down for it.
You’re being stalked….. that’s creepy.
Dronee
1
*Agorahphobickatie's signature/ obscure/ modifications*
Not ever forward but behind
I look backwards, once hope now fear
And fretful wake I would but find
The test of now and here
***
One step forward, two steps back
And packs of woes so neatly stacked
My lack I mourn and by morning gone
Forlorn again and a rain of pain
So paint me black night's gloomy hue
Still standing here but they never knew
Who laughs alone with masks and pegs/?
Who asks in silence and in such returns/?
***
Sorry. I didn't mean to write that. The signature sparked something in my mind. But yeah... I always felt two steps behind everyone else. No matter how much I learn, it never seems enough. I often feel like a very slow learner. I feel like I'm much more flawed than just about anyone. But hey... whatever it is, the only thing is to keep trying... I think in the end, it's all about faith.
I feel like a dozen people in one person... Trying to have some faith. My friends have moved on. Career, skills, relationships, responsibilities... I'm going nowhere. I can't count on anyone really. No one except myself. Sink or swim, 'lose' or 'win'... That kind of mentality seems to be everywhere. They look down on me. Maybe all of them. But there's nothing left for me. It's never a battle on an even ground. So there's nothing left for me but to keep trying to find a way to solve the seemingly insoluble.
Not ever forward but behind
I look backwards, once hope now fear
And fretful wake I would but find
The test of now and here
***
One step forward, two steps back
And packs of woes so neatly stacked
My lack I mourn and by morning gone
Forlorn again and a rain of pain
So paint me black night's gloomy hue
Still standing here but they never knew
Who laughs alone with masks and pegs/?
Who asks in silence and in such returns/?
***
Sorry. I didn't mean to write that. The signature sparked something in my mind. But yeah... I always felt two steps behind everyone else. No matter how much I learn, it never seems enough. I often feel like a very slow learner. I feel like I'm much more flawed than just about anyone. But hey... whatever it is, the only thing is to keep trying... I think in the end, it's all about faith.
I feel like a dozen people in one person... Trying to have some faith. My friends have moved on. Career, skills, relationships, responsibilities... I'm going nowhere. I can't count on anyone really. No one except myself. Sink or swim, 'lose' or 'win'... That kind of mentality seems to be everywhere. They look down on me. Maybe all of them. But there's nothing left for me. It's never a battle on an even ground. So there's nothing left for me but to keep trying to find a way to solve the seemingly insoluble.
Last edited:
heartstrings
Member
I'm too afraid to respond to other posts on this forum. And in the back of my mind I feel that this thread is so tucked away that even if someone reads what I've written they'll only skip to a fresher thread. I don't know.
Venting:
I'm fundamentally flawed, but not in a good way. Not in an appealing way that can be romanticized, although I try to put the best spin on it. When I was a child I comforted myself by pretending the "mother ship" would eventually come back for me. Hahaha.
These days I tend to be very tense. I feel challenged by any interaction with humanity at all. As if I can't measure up, that I'm not going to deliver interesting and entertaining conversation, no amusing anecdotes or witty rejoinders. I have been trying to reach other people my entire life. And failing to do so, for the most part. Even if I momentarily snag the gaze of the person I'm seeking, I simply don't have the gravity to hold them. I'm kind of like a distant satellite sending out weak signals that can't translate into something that makes sense to others. It's such a shame because I'm fascinated by people.
I just realized that when my mom and grandmother die I will have absolutely no one left that I know for sure won't become bored of me.
It's sad, disturbing - selfish - that whenever I do find a friend I'm suddenly disappointed when I find out they already have a buddy or s.o because then I know that there will come a day when I'll only become an occasional amusing filler in their life.
Venting:
I'm fundamentally flawed, but not in a good way. Not in an appealing way that can be romanticized, although I try to put the best spin on it. When I was a child I comforted myself by pretending the "mother ship" would eventually come back for me. Hahaha.
These days I tend to be very tense. I feel challenged by any interaction with humanity at all. As if I can't measure up, that I'm not going to deliver interesting and entertaining conversation, no amusing anecdotes or witty rejoinders. I have been trying to reach other people my entire life. And failing to do so, for the most part. Even if I momentarily snag the gaze of the person I'm seeking, I simply don't have the gravity to hold them. I'm kind of like a distant satellite sending out weak signals that can't translate into something that makes sense to others. It's such a shame because I'm fascinated by people.
I just realized that when my mom and grandmother die I will have absolutely no one left that I know for sure won't become bored of me.
It's sad, disturbing - selfish - that whenever I do find a friend I'm suddenly disappointed when I find out they already have a buddy or s.o because then I know that there will come a day when I'll only become an occasional amusing filler in their life.
heartstrings
Member
I'm sorry to cut your entry short but I read the entire thing and strongly agree that it's wrong to hate someone you don't know. I think that generally some people are filled with frustrated and angry energy so they focus on whatever they feel is deserving of that hate.
I'm not a fan of his music but I definitely don't hate him. I just turn the channel when he comes on and don't support his music. If someone says they like him then it's easy to just reply "I'm not a fan but hey, what do you like about him?" Or just say "Not a big fan".
I really don't understand humans at times. Why all the jealousy? Why all the hate for such pathetic reasons? I've just seen a group called "I hate Justin Bieber" and people wrote things like "I hate him because he's ugly, sounds like a girl, and has crap songs." What the hell? is that really a reason to hate someone? He is a successful young boy, leave him alone. I'm not a lover of his music but that doesn't mean i hate him. How can you hate someone without even really knowing them? Yes i can understand people dislike his music, but hate him as a person without knowing him? Hate his looks? That's not fair at all nobody would like people saying horrible things about the way they look so why do it to other people? Hate him because 'he sounds like a girl?' He's young, he's still growing, all men had squeaky voices at some point. These are all such childish reasons to hate someone and i think people like this really need to grow up, stop hating people for pathetic reasons, and accept people just the way they are. If you don't like his music, switch off the radio/TV, simple.
Dear friend, these people may be hurt themself or they just think it is fun to hurt outer people, it makes them feel special and strong and it gives them a good laugh. There r out there and your logic has no value in there mind. They will keep on doing what they do just ignore them. When you throw garbage in the trash bag you don't go around thinking about the garbage; why does it smell so bad, why why ... it smells bad because it is garbage!
Anyway if u want to help me push me to go out and do a an activity!
DanFC
Well-known member
just want to end it all... i've taken too much of a beating from this rotten place... i'm broken and tired and helpless... nothing seems to ease my pain... nobody understands what i'm going through... i don't see another way out... please help :
Care to describe, or were you just "crying out", as some put it?
DanFC
Well-known member
Dear friend, these people may be hurt themself or they just think it is fun to hurt outer people, it makes them feel special and strong and it gives them a good laugh. There r out there and your logic has no value in there mind. They will keep on doing what they do just ignore them. When you throw garbage in the trash bag you don't go around thinking about the garbage; why does it smell so bad, why why ... it smells bad because it is garbage!
Anyway if u want to help me push me to go out and do a an activity!
Do an activity
What do you like to do?
Oh, Devrium, I am so very sorry about your situation. It's terrible that you have to go through that. :c Just know that everyone here is rooting for you, and that they do care for you, even if it's just a stranger kindness, they do care about your fate.
I know it's a cruel thing to say of me, and probably redundant, but you have to stay strong right now, and whatever you do, do not give in to those suicidal thoughts. You have all the right to exist in this world, and you also have the right to be loved and cared for. You are not naive or a hopeless romantic at all to expect your spouse to help you out in your hour of need, not at all. If anything, this would be -the- time where your spouse should jump into action. Even if it's just a simple ''It'll be okay.''. But that's non of my business so I'll stay out of it.
I wish I was capable of helping your more directly instead of this essentially useless post. I hope you'll be okay, I really do. Best of luck to you!
I really don't understand humans at times. Why all the jealousy? Why all the hate for such pathetic reasons? I've just seen a group called "I hate Justin Bieber" and people wrote things like "I hate him because he's ugly, sounds like a girl, and has crap songs." What the hell? is that really a reason to hate someone? He is a successful young boy, leave him alone. I'm not a lover of his music but that doesn't mean i hate him. How can you hate someone without even really knowing them? Yes i can understand people dislike his music, but hate him as a person without knowing him? Hate his looks? That's not fair at all nobody would like people saying horrible things about the way they look so why do it to other people? Hate him because 'he sounds like a girl?' He's young, he's still growing, all men had squeaky voices at some point. These are all such childish reasons to hate someone and i think people like this really need to grow up, stop hating people for pathetic reasons, and accept people just the way they are. If you don't like his music, switch off the radio/TV, simple.
I agree with all of this. And why hate the boy for what he does? Like he is responsible for every song he sings, or every tv clip he appears in. What is he, like 15 or something? I doubt he has the resources to do what he does on his own. If anyone should be ''hated'' for his behavior and content, it should be those label companies whom encouraged him, and turned this boy into a milking cow. >:c
And besides, all those jealous jerks can say all they want, but by now he has millions of fans, that's allot more then most can say. His song might not be very profound, but he took a chance, and stuck by it. C: