RACE REJECTION

[sux2bme]

most caucasians probably wont know about howt his feel, not only do i have to put up with rejection cos of my severe avpd, but as an asian in australia i put up with rejection cos of my race. it hurts tenfold.

like even tho i have lived in australia most of my life, i know no matter how hard i try to act or be 'aussie' i will never be 100% fully accepted into 'mainstream' society. i know not all aussies are racist and most r nice, but all my life i have been either bullied or ostracized (i call soft racism) cos iam asian that I cant take it anymore.

here some examples of what happens, like noone dares call me a chink or a gook to my face (even tho it happened sometimes), but little things in everyday life u notice:

1-even on msn, talk to sum chick, we get along all nice and she wants to see my pic. i send it and BAM - the talking stops and ignoring starts.
2-clubs - i wont even go there. its fkn hell. i nevr had a chick smile or even take notice of me. and i know why the main reason is.
3-say in a 3 way convo - 2 whites and me. their gaze and focus and attention will always divert from me and to each other. i'll be just standing there.
4-general rude service from shop owners, checkout chicks, etc...
5-unfriendly looks at pubs or general 'aussie' hangouts where most are caucasians.
6-99% of the time whites stick with whites, asians with asians. bs with with melting pot/multi cultural crap

thats just some examaples off the top of my head. there is so much more i can go into.

*edited by mod team*

 

[corrinaelizabeth]

I think your focusing to much on ur race,for some reason u seem to be making a huge issue out of this, there might be other reasons why ppl stop talking to u on msn etc maybe coz of ur avpd u feel like u need a reason why u feel like u do and blame ur race and if ppl r racist then surely they are not worth bothering with in the 1st place?at the end of the day we are all the same underneath i think u should be concentrating on dealing with ur problem rather than looking 4 a "chick" maybe when u come to terms more with ur avpd u will find it easier to accept urself easier said than done i know im not having a go i just dont think u should want 2 bother with ppl who dont want 2 bother with u just coz ur asian!

 

[marge808]

to some extent, i know how you feel - i'm asian-american, and i just moved to ohio. many ignorant people here think nothing of calling an asian girl a "third world whore" or something else derogatory, without even checking her background, etc. they assume i married my husband for a visa, despite the fact i was born an american citizen. i feel like sometimes bringing my passport when i meet people, just to show the american eagle. a major part of my SA developed from the hostility and racism of people here.

thats not to say, however, that all people are racist here. i think there are many good people. i'm just too afraid to meet them now, because of the initial trauma.

 

[triceratops]

it could be worse u could be albino.

 

[marge808]

a lot of things could be worse.

doesn't excuse the discrimmination, wherever it may be directed.

however, it's important, i think, to focus on the SA itself, because there are so many factors out there that make one retreat into solitude. racism, violence, strange places, loud noises - the world is scary.

 

[italiano]

im albino :lol:

 

[testobot]

hi sux,

it sucks to hear that you are having such a hard time with racism and APD. Whether discrimination comes from ethnocentrism (viewing own's own culture as superior to other cultures), nationalism, or racism-discrimination is wrong, because it hurts groups and most importantly it collectively hurts those individuals who are (innocent) good and decent people.

It seems like it may especially be tough on you like it is with any member of an outgroup (the minority group or group holding less power). You not only have to face obvious discrimination such as racial slurs, but you have to discern whether or not their is a subtle (yet malicious) form of discrimation occuring. For example, take one of the scenerios you listed- a girl from a club never has smiled or taken positive notice of you. You have to decide- 'oh is this racism?' or (like most of us SA'er males) is this a case where the women simply aren't attracted to you because are not confident, friendly, outgoing, assertive, and many other typical things a girl maybe looking for in a man. It is difficult to know really.. but (and I by no means mean this as an insult) you have chosen to protect your self-esteem by labeling it as racism. I am not saying that it is not, but it is hard to know either way so you tell yourself that all these things are because of racism and there could be an alternative explanation either way on each of your examples. But what sucks and adds to your stress is how do you really know and does the alternative explanation really help your self-esteem? It must be very difficult being a minority in Australia. I am sorry, I am not from Australia so I do not know the dynamics of that society very well.

I do know from first hand experience that sometimes somebody from discriminated groups can misinterperate potential discrimination. A few years ago, when I was on paxil, I used to help teachers tutor in electronics class. Yes, I am SA, but the paxil worked pretty well on me and made it tolerable enough for me to tutor (paxil has the worst withdrawal symptoms that I have ever experienced in my life by the way).

Anywho, I befriended a youngish punk rock kid who happened to be black. He seemed nice enough at first but after awhile (especially when I started becoming more shy and stressed after quitting paxil) he turned into a total asshole. It even got so bad that he ridiculed me in front of the whole class. So, in order to protect my sanity I just cut off my relationship with him- yes, I did make it clear why. But he has a tendancy to personalize everything, every failure, and blame it on racism. Particularly when it is rejection- he even spread a rumor about the professor being racist because he 'just knew' that he should have gotten a better grade. I also have reason to believe that he spreaded rumors stating that I was racist. Ugh! and that is one of my peeves- in addition to being very shy around just about everyone I am paranoid about being labled by a black person as being racist.

Does that fact make me a racist? I hope not, because I would never categorically discriminate,personally deny, or intentionally hurt anyone.
Do I have prejudices? Yes, and so does nearly every human being (those who deny it are either lying to others or themselves, or do not know themselves very well). but there is a difference between prejudice and discrimination. It is important for everyone to acknowledge that they have prejudices and attempt to judge everyone else on an individual basis based off of not superficial reasoning but an open mind and critical thinking. But mostly with an open mind and compassion, i think.

I think that only thing that will help human beings in this vastly shrinking world is tolerance and most importantly interaction. LOL... this coming from a social phobe.. so yes, I can understand that that would be very difficult on you having AVPD... but hey I would be more than happy to befriend you and I am not Asian :O .... but beware, I have some positive prejudices about asians... hmmm, maybe you can correct my stereotype..hehe... just kidding- sorry, I hope you didn't find that offensive. but really, it is ashame and sad that you have been dealing with this discrimination.. but it is also sad that you are choosing to stick to your 'own' group in a society (that thinks anyways) that other people should to A DEGREE integrate.

 

[boodizm]

Dude, i know exactly where you are coming from. Growing up in Australia as a South American-Australian i have had to deal with some of the things you mentioned but have never felt rejected, just made to feel 'different' at times. With having sp didnt help things , feeling i was constantly being judged with regards to my skin colour and other thing of course. But i began to break these feelings down to being in my head and i am just a tougher person mentally and it rarely affects me anymore. It sounds hard but start to feel proud of both your ancestry and of your birthcountry and you may not notice as many stares or rude behaviour and if you do then think of it plainly as their loss for being so unaccepting and narrow-minded, after all it is not your fault. You should never think this as it's hard enough living with what we have.
There will always be a few wherever you go in the world, but there are also plenty of people out there that love talking or getting to know people from other cultures/races, i for one.
I also think that some areas are worse than others in regards to racism, just take Cronulla for example. Long before that happened i would never go there because of the feeling you get around the beaches and so forth.

 

[newshyguy]

yo

i know what you talking about , im hispanic, and i go to school in an all white populated town, but dont let race get on the way, i notice that personality is a great influence, just try to be yourself and make the best of it. i know is not easy, sometimes im in my class and im like "what the hell are these people laughing about" because what u find funny sometimes people from other race dont find it as funny and viceversa.

 

[Waybuloo]

Firstly i'd like to know which city do u live in and grew up in..
What u described sounds like u r constantly faced with a barrier that jsut doenst sound like the Australia i know.

I understand there may be the odd subtle racism and innuendos or random racist git as u prob can't eliminate it 100%. But it sounds a bit far fetched to me, ur situation.

1-well that's unfortunate, there may be lots of reasons.
2-well that's unfortunate, there may be lots of reasons.
3-'', but maybe its because of your SA? lots of conversations involve different races.
4-Could be down to your SA.
and the list goes on teh same..
u say in AUS whites stick with whites and asians with asians. that may be true. For me, im more comfortable with myown race, maybe jsut that i can relate to them easier. That does not necessarily associate with racism though. It does not mean that u mix one of each together an dthey can't have a decent interaction. I admit i hang around asians but not because i think the anglos or other races would reject me or whatahve you, but its just my pattern and i always feel mroe comfortable with them.

maybe ur extra worried of not fittin in with the 'mainstream' aussieness becos u grew up here and thus find it less accepting that u can't truely fit in (notwithstanding maybe racism is blown out of proportion if not a delusion and that its not the true reason)?

 

[jasonkidd]

maybe your being ignored by chicks online cause they're not attracted to asians not because they're racist. you know the stereotypes with asians, small eyes and small genitals. a friend who's asian feels exactly the same way you do. he's uncomfortable and paranoid when he's in the presence of caucasions. he feels like he's unwelcome in their country and they want him and all the other asians to go back to China and the blacks to go back to Africa. it's tough being a minority especially if you live in a neighborhood or go to a school without alot of asians. asians here in san francisco constantly get harrassed, made fun of and beat up by blacks and mexicans.

 

[Waybuloo]

....and they want him and all the other asians to go back to China

what an insult.

no i dont' think China can handle getting back the chinese expatriates, let alone all asians from other countries.

 

[jasonkidd]

....and they want him and all the other asians to go back to China

what an insult.

no i dont' think China can handle getting back the chinese expatriates, let alone all asians from other countries.

asians especially chinese are hated here in the Bay Area. many attend prestigious Lowell High School, UC Berkeley, UC Davis and Stanford. many are engineers making six figures in Silicon Valley. that's why many whites, and almost all blacks, mexicans, and phillipines hate the chinese and call them chinks, ugly, weird looking, small eyes, and small genitals.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

unlocking the thread


we didn't lock it out of censorship, rather, it's a touchy subject and lately we haven't had a whole lot of time to even come to the site. with such a sensitive board of people, the last thing we want is this to get out of hand and insults flying.

have at it.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

forgot to throw in my two cents worth


if it makes you feel any better, i'm mostly attracted to anyone *brown*. brown meaning asian, black, hispanic, everything. i dated a filipino for three years and he's still my best friend to this day. if i'm looking for someone to potentially date, if they're of a different race, all the better. i think being able to see that history in someone's family line is beautiful. it's something different as well.

anyway, it's sort of off topic, but not really. oh well.

 

[Zipper]

I am white, and I am attracted (in a romantic way) only to other whites (especially if they have large breasts). Sorry. :lol:

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i locked the other thread but i know some conversation came up there, so here's a link for reference

--->http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt7131.html

 

[lawyerguy]

Hmm..

I'm an asian who grew up living in the bay area and silicon valley. I haven't experienced much racism there or any signs that white or mexicans or blacks hate chinese or any other race. I currently live in a rural mostly white community and I haven't experienced much racism here either.

In general I feel like silicon valley is a relatively tolerant area. You can drive down to Sunnyvale or palo Alto and drive by the Google or yahoo headquarters and see white engineers having lunch with indian, chinese, or vietnamese engineers. The thing that unites them is that they are all nerds and geeks!

Although it is partially true that whites mostly hang out withe whites and asians with other asians, I do find that there is a large share of mixing occurring between those two groups. Especially on the college campuses that you cited, UC Berkeley, UC Davis and Stanford. The two largest groups at those schools are whites and asians.

But it is a touchy subject and one's view on race, like a lot of things, depends upon what vantage point you view things from and your own personal experiences.

 

[gg]

:arrow: Well i am from Melbourne, Australia. I'm white female and even i have had some people been racist towards me. lebo's have called me a a stupid skip coz im Aussie. that would be like me calling them wogs coz there lebonese. I think racisim is in every culture. but that doesnt make it right. It's just a part of life!

 

[sux2bme]

thanks for all the replies guys. very insightful.
maybe iam taking it too personally sometimes, I 'know' not everyone is racist, and i've met many nice aussie people. But i've had so many negative experiences during my life that now I cant get it out of my head, andits filling me with anger and hatred.

the other night i was walking back home from work, it was pretty late and dark and i walked past this house where there was a party going on. anyways this young white guy was outside the house and as i got nearer and nearer i realised he was staring straight at my eyes with a mean look. I kept looking at him,and i wasnt going to do anything till I passed and he made this "GRRR" sound at me. All my pent up anger and hate just came out and I went to his face and yelled "WTF IS UR FKN PROBLEM??!!".
I was ready to kill him seriously.

He instantly backed off, and made some lame excuse. "oh i had something in my throat....". Maybe he was a bit drunk. I dunno, but its little experiences like this that make me angry. He instantly assumed i was a passive asian that would take his shit without doing anything. This is just a small example, but it happens frequently and Iam sure not just to me. I was so fill with hate , and was seriously gonna hurt him bad. Its weird I almost want to be racially insulted to my face now, so I can explode and release all my anger.