Pushing someone away and then missing them?

[Solitude]

Is this common for an avoidant? To push someone away and basically cut off all contact, and then incessantly miss them?

 

[vj288]

Classic AvPD behavior I'm afraid I do it constantly.

As do I. It's almost instinctual. Possible anxiety, get away and stay away. Then afterwards realize what just happened.

 

[***deleted***]

yep, pretty much every friend I've ever had

 

[petrified eyes]

yep, pretty much every friend I've ever had

Same here. ::

 

[fitftw]

me too...I don't see how I'll ever change that habit.

 

[EscapeArtist]

-sigh- add me to that list of people. As vj said, it's instinctual, I can't tell the part that wants to push the person away and the part that wants them closer to me from eachother when i'm in the process of pushing somebody away. It's like a disease that wants us to be alone forever. I hope it at least has a reason lol. Also, I have a very hard time getting over people, I still miss friends that I pushed away in elementary school.

 

[da_illest101]

i remember pushing a girl away, that was 13 years ago and I still regret it. I wish I could find her an apologize

 

[zav943]

Classic AvPD behavior I'm afraid I do it constantly.

ditto...

Although, I don't think they ever bothered to talk to me afterward...and that's what makes it hurt even more. It's as if the solution I decided to take is really what they wanted. They never wanted to talk to me or be my friend. By not talking to them, they didn't mind. That's exactly what they wanted...

damn...

 

[userremoved]

^ Try not to look at it that way or you'll cause yourself unnecessary anguish. Most people once pushed away will assume you don't want to be bothered with them so unless they can't take no for an answer they'll probably just stay out of your way. But it doesn't mean they were never interested at the start.

 

[coyote]

Unfortunately, I do this, too.

It's reassuring to know that so many others do this - maybe I don't need to be so hard on myself for what I assumed was a fault that only I possessed.

 

[lilymartens]

I did/still do that to everyone. Doesn't matter that we have fun together, that we can talk about anything, I'm afraid that they won't like me after some point, and before that happens, I break it off.

 

[Solitude]

Wow, I guess I'm not the only one who does this. Thanks everyone for the replies. I'm just now discovering that 'the way I am' may be more than just being anti-social ::

 

[sfmarkh]

Pushing people away usually for a small betrayal or a misunderstanding. Not letting the other person tell their side. Reaching the wrong conclusion. Depending on my perceptions which are not always right. Finally, not giving the other person the benefit of a doubt. In my haste to end the relationship I was adament that I was right without considering otherwise. It's like my decision is right! and I won't change it. Yes I have regretted doing so many times.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Yes =( spending time with someone makes me happy, but then all the sudden i want a break to be alone. When I come back they're not there or kinda there, but not someone wanting to hangout again....