Prostitutes - my stories *sigh*

[Danedo]

My life has taken an odd turn, and I just need to get this off my chest.

I am a pretty good looking guy, but due to SA/depression and general neuroticism, I have never been really able to connect with people.

In high school I had a small group of friends, and before I left to college, I hung out with a lady friend, and in college I went to socials, but I still really had no friends, no one to really talk too.

As an adult, I am alone.

I consider myself a 'functional' social phobe; I can go out, even flirt with strangers, but I can never really connect on that intimate level we all desire.

Part of it might be my arrogance in my looks, but who knows; I might need a new mirror


A few weeks ago I was flirting heavily, as best as a social phobe could, with a coworker. I knew, rationally, the 'relationship' I conjured up in my head had a low probability of success, as she was leaving for California.
Well one thing led to another, and I finally got a Facebook friend invite, haha.

Long story short, I feel I really embarrassed myself through Facebook messages, and after she took a week to respond to one of my messages, I got terribly depressed.

OK, long story short again, I went out and found a lady. I was pleasantly surprised at how relaxed I was, but let's just say my little 'buddy' didn't work. The nerves and the SSRI side effects killed me.

Afterwards, I felt... OK. I felt different, and funny. It was my first time, at age 25, but it didn't feel like I had sex. More like was naked in a room with a lady and moved around a little.

I think a day later it hit me how relatively low I had just gone. I had changed state; I had crossed a bridge and I wasn't sure I liked it.

I felt, and still feel, absolutely depressed that I lack the social skills and self confidence to connect with another woman and make love, not just have meaningless relative motion between two people.

Amusingly, today I did it again.

What is wrong with me? Seriously...

I know in general that guys seeking prostitutes may be in better financial circumstances, but I feel so strange interacting with, I'll just say it, poor people who are down on their luck.

Life is obviously not fair, but man... Living in a hotel, having a child taken away from you, doing drugs, not having an education...

It made me feel so strange that there is such an apparent difference between me and these people.

I somehow feel entitled to good things; friendship, a wife, a great job, and yet I have none of these partly due to SA.

And now I am visiting prostitutes...

I have a fairly positive outlook on life, despite all things. Seeing the last space shuttle launch gave me a feeling of hope; that despite my own relative misery, despite my pain, that mankind as a whole is advancing. We are slowly inching closer and closer to meeting the stars face to face, of getting off this rock.

I just wish, like everyone, that life could be more enjoyable.

And, of course, that I had something more in my life so I didn't give in to prostitutes.

I am afraid of future implications. Am I addicted? If I ever get married, will this creep back to haunt me? Will I give in then?

The usual question; what is going to happen to me?

 

[Felgen]

I've never paid for sex myself, but you shouldn't feel bad for doing so. Paying money to get into a night club and then spending a small fortune on drinks and ocassionally end up in bed with a drunk chick isn't cheaper than seeing a prostitute. Nobody's "entitled" to anything, though (unless the United Nations write so on a piece of paper); if you want a regular middle-class life, you'll have to work hard to get it.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Danedo, it just sounds like you're lonely. You are not the first man (or woman) to look to sex in the vain hope of assuaging it.

 

[dean01]

i cant see the problem with what youve done to be honest, who says it wrong to see a prostitute, your both consenting adults and isnt it legal it certain states of america and in holland ?. the question i would ask myself is it truly making me happy?, is it what you want?.

 

[EasySkankin]

the question i would ask myself is it truly making me happy?, is it what you want?.

Good point sheppard.

I totally feel for you Danedo... I'm in a pretty similar situation to yours. I seem to be pretty attractive it seems but have never had a girlfriend due to my SA. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was very very close to sleeping with a prostitute... but it didn't happen, either way, I was ready to do it. And I'm probably the most moral person you'll ever meet (not exaggerating, just being blunt and putting all modesty aside)... and if SA can make me do this (seek out a prostitute) I think it can make any guy with SA do it as well.

Don't feel bad about it dude, learn what you can from it and move it. It's definately not the end of the world... you have reason to do it (your SA), but still that doesn't mean you should. Like sheppard says, it all comes down to it making you truly happy. If it does, do it... if not, learn what you can from it, and move on.

 

[fudgy]

the golden rule in life is this ...

If your going to do something , then hold your head up and high and be proud of what you do !

If you can't .....then don't


I imagine your reasons behind it where

1, a little female company
2, to get laid
3, to prove to yourself you can get it up

aint nothing wrong in that my friend.

what is wrong is coming on and speaking like they are second class citizens , its not my choice of career , but they are people !!!

many men pay for sex , make sure your dressing your fella up and make sure your not taking any chances AT all.

When your paying for it your in control , you have called the shots and these girls will please you regardless of your sa/or whatever you have , so its understandable that you have "explored" this route.

when your ready , feel competent , then try again with another girl and go on a date and take things slowly.

Not getting it up is an age old problem btw ...your are not the first and you wont be the last.