Please read everyone!

[rubyred716]

i just think like, this is it? this is life? thats all? i think of space and the universe and just us floating in it .. i get dizzy, and i feel like i cant escape. i say to myself, why is THIS life? why cant something else be life?

When I was 15, I was laying in bed one night, and thought about what happens when I die? I lay there, and that's it? Forever and ever? All of a sudden I got dizzy and had to say My name is Michelle, I love my Mom, she is upstairs. I explained this feeling to people but they didn't get it. It was only for a few seconds but my heart started to race and I felt really hot. I got this feeling like 5 times. I couldn't think about it because it made me get dizzy. I've had anxiety my whole life. A month ago I started smoking weed but not a lot. I've smoked it a few times b4 in the passed and became paranoid but nothing like derealization/depersonazalition feelings. Well a month ago I got that feeling like I did when I was 15 but it was 10x worse. Then I smoked again a week ago and got the feeling, my head got numb and everything. My boyfriend didn't know what I was talking about. I kept saying this is life, that's it? That's all? It felt fake, like I was in a dream, and not even here. Like someone is watching me from outside of a bubble. I constantly question why are we here, and how a planet can come out of nothing? I feel like I can't escape it. I feel like I'm stuck and drowning. I always think, this is life, that's it? What makes THIS life? Why isn't life like something else? I went online and saw that this is what it's called, and I went to a psychotherapist a few days ago and she told me I had dissociation disroder along with this, anxiety, and depression. She put me on lexapro which I've been on like 3 years ago for like 6 months for anxiety. Does anyone feel like this? PLEASE WRITE BACK! it'll make me feel so much better

 

[Feathers]

Hi Ruby and Welcome!

Please stay away from weed if you have problems with this!!
There are LOTS of posts online (on another forum) where people who were (mostly) perfectly okay got terrible problems after smoking weed..
Trouble is it doesn't affect everyone the same and some of their friends (who also smoked it) and closest people really can't understand..
Maybe people with anxiety or other previous sensitivities can be more susceptible?

It can also happen after any traumatic experiences.. So it might be worth exploring if you had any PTSD or a difficult childhood or such? (There are ways to combat/counter these too, helpful books and links..)

I was very philosophical about things when I was in high school, and read a lot on the topic - I kinda did get to terms with my own personal philosophy of things (picked up from various magazines and books about this, including some accounts of after-life/near-death experiences, and we had discussions with some of my friends.. I also read about the theories on the origins of universe etc. and some science fiction and such.. and I wrote about it, exploring the things and concepts in letters and journals.. maybe some of that could be helpful to you too?)

It can be a sign of gifted or highly intelligent personality to ask yourself these things..

A classmate of mine also had problems about feeling 'caught' into 'why this life' (why not something else)? Then I told her about books on positive thinking and such, and she really liked them and is now quite successful and seems happy in her life..

An ex-boyfriend also had 'moments of truth/realizations about life' after experimenting with heavier drugs (that's why he's an ex bf, partly) so please stay away from those too!!

 

[Ignace]

Fieuw, I thought my post was deleted. Well I refer you to my post in your other thread.

 

[Minty]

I've never done drugs or have had issues with dissociation, but I have moments of intense awareness all the time. I usually think, "Whoa. Whoa, I can't believe this is real! I can't believe I'm here, experiencing this. It doesn't make sense that this (the world and everything in it) should exist. The only thing that would make sense is nothingness."

I know a lot of people with your disorder express a certain level of panic, but in these moments, I can't help but take in how beautiful everything is simply because it exists and it shouldn't. It's soothing.

 

[lunaticbinge]

I would say to simply not think about it and take life for what it is but we both know it's not that easy. Thoughts like these invade my mind all day everyday and I simply can't help but think about it. Also, weed isn't for everyone. Many people that smoke constantly develop this "space cadet" personality in which they are spacey and contemplative to a fault. I don't smoke as often as I used to for this reason.

 

[rubyred716]

thanks for the advice everyone! ive been feeling much better the past few days, still some anxiety and thinking about all that stuff, but much much better from how i was feeling last week! thanks for all the comments, they did help me a lot !

 

[Fear of people]

I take (oxazepam) an anxiety drug called Murelax..alepam and serapax...all 30mg tablets.
Only have a half life though...compared to valium and xanax. Anti-depressants don't work for me and have been on Lexapro for 6 months...only made my anxiety worse...so my doctor put me on mild sedatives instead.