PLEASE CAN SOMEONE READ

[Anonymous]

Be strong!

Me too, I made myself guilty over ridiculous little things I did. But now I think this way: What'll happen if I'm wrong? Nothing! Normal people do make mistakes. And other people won't blame me for it - who would care about those little things. Even if they do. Just appologize. :wink:

I still think calling a psych's a good idea. Are you giving up? I don't know if it'll work. You can do it this way: call when your parents aren't home. And let your doctor explain to your parents for you. And explain to them that you don't want anyone to know this. Just an idea. :wink:

Wish you the best of luck.

 

[Anonymous]

You are what you are!

Maybe your smoking helps to calm your nerves and keeps your mind active which eases your phobia?

You are absolutely right. A psychologist wouldn't say it better.

Try to be yourself. I know it's very hard. But at least try.

Perfection is an ilusion. You don’t have to compare yourself with no one else. Just be you. Society tries to make us all the same. But that’s a mistake. Fortunately we are all different. Be proud of being as you are.

If someone doesn't like you, f--k that. You can't please everybody.

 

[Anonymous]

Hey, i know how u must feel about ur brother because i have the same problem too with my brother: he always seems perfect and i don't. it's been better since i moved away from home to go to uni, but it all comes back as soon as i'm at home especially since i've been back from abroad.

IAM, i think ur right. the important thing is to accept urself as u are, and not the way others want u to be. it's just so very hard ...

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Thanks for your advice, its just so hard. I am trying Im just so pleased I did learn about SP because at least now I have something to fight whereas before they was no hope. I still don’t see much of a future because of it. Staying home alone just seems so much easier. Now I been on holiday I have to find a job NOW. The whole thing is such an issue with my parents etc. I still don’t know what I want to do. All the time what I want to do, and what ill end up doing, will be totally different because of being anxious all the time. I don’t want to be nervous day in day out. I know if I were interviewing myself I would not employ myself. People say you have to sell yourself in interviews but I really wouldn’t have a clue what to say.

I’m so scared, I get my results in 2 weeks!! I’m more scared of actually picking them up, seeing my teachers and what they will think of my marks.

I suppose I have to be proud of the fact that I got through my holiday. I was relieved that after all we did not go to a restaurant but I was also disappointed that I missed the chance to go out with my family away from where I live. We walked around the towns - What I have realised from this is that my main problem is socialising and interacting with the people that I know, my friends. How much I love their company, I’ve worked out that’s when most of the fear comes that I may do something wrong etc. When shopping I used to just stand there but while away I tried to look through clothes etc. (Pathetic isnt it) I have come to the conclusion that I must look more strange to people just standing in a shop than when I am looking even though I’m nervous when looking. I just hope that if I make it shopping in my area some time that I am able to look because it makes things awkward for everyone.

I really feel like I constantly need someone to push me because for some reason I will not choose to do anything for myself. Again I suppose it’s my fear of being assessed on my decisions. Whatever job I do get my whole family will go on and on about it. I really wish that I could do some social things away from home first after my experience from holiday. I don’t know why but I’m nervous right now writing this. This feeling when posting slightly disappeared a few weeks back. Maybe its because I have not written for a while.

Thank you again

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

good to read from u again it's really hard, isn't it? what u described there is exactly how i am feeling too most of the time. i don't know how to get a job ever, i couldn't face the interview. at least i can still push it off for a while as i'm still at uni. but that's also quite hard sometimes because we have to do presentations and talk to the lecturers about essays and stuff (oh dear, i have to talk to my prof this week about my paper ... don't know how to face it ... ) unfortunately my parents want me to get finished as soon as possible even though i keep telling them that i need at least another year. but because of sp it's more like 2 years anyway (in Germany u can go on studying forever :wink: ). and i can't talk to them because they wouldn't understand. well, my father wouldn't understand even though he of all people should! after all, he doesn't feel too comfortable around other people himself.
i used to be like that when i went shopping with my friends. or even with my mother: just stood around without looking. still feel nervous when i go shopping ...
and i also thought i'd be more comfortable doing social things away from home, just to gain some experience as it were. well, i'm living on my own now, so my family can't comment on what i do because they wouldn't know. didn't change anything though. hardly ever go out and i'm always nervous when i do ... when will it stop??????????

wishing u all the best, and i hope u'll find a job!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Lara,

Thank you! i dont know what type of work i want to do though

That’s one of the reasons I didn’t go to university because of all the presentations and expectations etc. I really wouldn’t be able to cope. I don’t know how I got through school. If I started though, I would not give up until the end unless I was thrown out because of my grades, (which would be likely). I don’t like to give up on things once I started. Good luck with talking about your paper. How does extra years of studying work?-choosing when you finish your degree? What do you study? Sorry no need to answer, was just curious

I feel now that I have to go to work etc, I need to be independent and my own person and therefore all the things I fear are being forced onto me. I need to be able to do all the little things that everyone has learnt already. Even though I don’t want to face them I think they are gradually being thrown in my face! I would practically do anything to avoid interviews but at the end of the day I would fear more of being judged not attending work because it would be out of the ‘norm’, even though to get through a day is so stressful and takes so much effort. Thinking hours after a conversation of what I’ve said to people etc. Whether I’ve upset them. Silent awkward moments when I’m left alone with someone, what could I have said to the person even though they didn’t say anything to me, I feel like I supposed to say something. I don’t think ill make any friends. At least I don’t have to do school work now so its giving me more time to concentrate on what others and myself do. Im trying to think about things and realise that I couldn’t do anything so maybe its not my fault. I still cant help feeling like it. Its seems odd but I think we need to practice because when your in a real situation it never works out how you expect it to

Thank you again

 

[Anonymous]

Hi there,

i don't know what to do after uni either. another reason not to finish too soon :wink:

well, actually, the presentations aren't too bad. if u get too nervous u can just read it. i guess if i had to do it more often i'd get used to it, but i only have one or two each semester. there's so much time in between that i always get nervous again because i can't remember what the last one was like :? It's more the going to office hours and talking to my lecturers and participating in class that kind of gets me. At least the presentations aren't marked, so it doesn't really matter if it doesn't go too well. But I'm really worried about the oral exams in the end

German uni system is quite different from the British one. we aren't told how many courses to do in one semester so we can do as much or as little as we choose. which means that it can take 4 yrs to finish if ur fast or 5 to 6 yrs if u don't want to hurry. i even know of people who are in their 16th semester (or 8th year :!: ). But that's mainly in the humanities, i think it's stricter in the sciences but i'm not sure (i'm studying English and German literature and linguistics. Unfortunately two subjects where ur expected to talk a lot.

 

[Ice]

Hey.
I know you'll probably hate me again for bumping this very very old thread. I know you just want this thread to sink! I know! And I know I'm being nosy But you've got to do something. It can get worse if you don't try to fight it. Do something like talk to a doctor...Ok? You can do it!!! I'm looking forward to see your reply! Good luck!!!!!!!!!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi, I am new here. I justwanted to post that I to have difficulty discussing this with people I know because I feel awkward and embarrassed when I talk about it. It seems it will do more harm than good for me. Everyday is different for me, good days and bad days and when I am having a bad day, I just try to get through it. Try to make it through the moment. That can be very good for anyone with this problem. Push yourself through it, and talk to people that can relate. I do pretty good anymore. But, lately I have been trying to visit my very very christian grandmother who is getting very old, and my a uncle whom I was close to when I was younger. I feel we have grown apart so much that I just tense up and close up around them. I have been going once a week or two weeks to my grandmas and bringing my 7mnth. daughter since she was born, and it still hasn't gotten better. It is especially hard when my aunts or uncles are there. I feel like they think I am a idiot because it is so hard to talk to me. Like pulling teeth I guess is the saying.? LOL Sometimes I catch myself not saying nothing and just watching Lauryn (my daughter) playing and talking to her and they are probably sitting there wondering why I even come over if I am just going to sit there and play with her. If I didn't have her, I couldn't see myself coming over at all, because then I wouldn't have nothing to do. My views are alot different than my grandparents and we don't have much in common. I love them dearly though, they practically raised me when i was a youngster. I hope I can overcome this, becasue it is getting in the way of me having a relationship with my grandparents again before they die. I am thinking about getting on prozac, I don't think it is prescribed for SP but I was on it twice before for depression, and it really seemed to work FOR DP and my SP. I would already be on it, but I am going to have to find a babysitter so I can go to the city crisis center. Now that makes me feel like a big freak when I go there. I always have to wait like 2 hours too in the little waiting room. There is so much you can do to keep you busy in there then I get antsy and nervous. I know the wait is well worth it though
Anyways, I have rambled on and not really contributed much to this thread, but I did get some things off my chest. :wink:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

Lara, I know what you mean about time in between your presentations give you more time to wait and makes you more nervous! When I was at 6th form and we did them I would always be one of the last people to present as well. All the louder people would say they wanted to do their’s first. Although I didn’t want to do it at all I would rather go at the start, not the very first though, so I could forget about it. Also then I would set the standard so I wouldn’t feel bad following brilliant presentations. It used to annoy me that sometimes in general, people at the school would not turn up to lessons if they didn’t like what we were going to do. But for me, I was too honest and so always attended even though every lesson was a nightmare!

Ice, I don’t think your nosey at all! I thank you for taking the time to post to me. Deep down I know I need to fight it but it just seems impossible. I really can’t go to the doctor. I don’t want to be put on medication because I want to be in control of myself. I don’t want a fuss. I just can’t cope with it. It’s really not the type of thing that’s fits in with my family. I know I NEED to talk about it though, this site is great. Its great being in the same company. Even here people come and go though. Of course I totally understand that they have a life to live, don’t have time to post, don’t know what to say, have to look after themselves with the same problem, etc This makes me feel lost though because I need a secure friendship. I’m always frightened to do something wrong. Does anyone know about your phobia, Ice?

I’m so so scared!! I get my A level results on Thursday!! I’m am dreading it. Its time to face my teachers one last time . Even though I think after this I wont see them again, I know I could be wrong. Some live nearby so its likely that I will bump into one, one day, somehow! Im just totally scared about what the results will be. Its so hard to look your teacher in the eye when they know your results before you do and they are judging you and are comparing you with other students. Sorry!! Ill shut up about them.

Thanks for you advice Guest, As I have said before, this is becoming a problem with my family now as well, obviously not to the same extreme when out. I feel the anxiety, but now I know it’s the ‘phobia’, I do try to say to myself, hang on a minute, it’s the phobia rather than getting completely carried away with the situation. It doesn’t change my mind about how I feel about it. I do feel that my relationship with my mum has certainly gone separate ways. I don’t talk to my family anymore really. Even simple conversation is difficult. I think its because all our personalities really clash. My brother throws a lot of insults out because he is intelligent so what ever is commented, he is always right. This really upsets me. I don’t think he quite understands that what he says really lingers with me day in and day out. Repeating it over and over in my head. Its just best not to say anything. Then I get asked what is wrong with me, I’m so moody, or lazy etc when I could just simply be sitting there minding my own business. They always think they know what’s wrong with me even though it could be nothing, well nothing new to me, just the SP. If I don’t feel comfortable in my own home I don’t see how I can change. It sounds terrible but I do prefer the company of my friends even though that comes with the whole package of social problems. So its best at home, but then I just feel completely miserable. Sorry!! Ive done it again, gone on and on!! (Hope everything goes ok for you Guest )

Thanks to everyone again!!

 

[Anonymous]

well i think it's perfectly normal that u can't get along with ur family all the time. particularly if u stay at home all the time. u need to go out and live ur own life, get independent. after all that's what growing up is all about.

by the way, i have the same problem with my father that u seem to have with ur brother: he always knows everything and he's always right and if i don't agree with him i just feel stupid. when i was little he used to tell me i'm stupid and can't know anything because i'm too young whenever i disagreed with him. so in a way it's even harder because he's my dad and i still depend on him financially and in other ways too. the problem is that he never even listens to me as though it's not worth it. how then am i supposed to be self-confident when i have to talk to strangers??? it's got better since i moved out from home to go to uni, but whenever i go home it all starts again and i need weeks to recover (and by then i'm likely to meet him again :? )

and i know what u mean about people coming and going ... and i also need a secure friendship ... so if u like i can give u my email address

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Lara,

Im scared though, I know I need to get independent but I just feel hopeless. Now I’m forced to, I think maybe my fears will improve?? When I have to go to work, travel by myself, find my own way. Well I don’t think the fear will ever go away but at least I could get through the day?? Because I’ve never done these simple things my fears just seem to get worse all the time. I desperately need to break the cycle. Its so frustrating, generally every time you feel you are getting somewhere something happens and I loose all confidence.

I am proud, but cant stop thinking about the whole evening. Last night I went out!! It was so nerve wracking!! I had seen some of my friends collecting my results and they asked me whether I would go out. I said I would think about it and let them know later. Secretly I thought, not again, I wish they didn’t ask me, even though I would feel lonely and wondering what they were doing. Anyway, sorry to go on. Basically as soon as I got home, I thought, this is my chance!! It was at a restaurant that I had been 2 years ago, (the last time I went out) I new the layout, the food. I had managed it once before. My friends that had asked me were most of my close ones. I thought this could not get a better opportunity, I really should not miss it. I kept changing my mind. The thing that really made me succeed was the thought that this could be the last time I see them before they go to university. That got to me, I will be so upset to loose them again. Every time I was thinking about all the bad things that could happen I just replaced the thought. I was still extremely nervous, but I just kept telling myself the same thing. It also helped that I didn’t have weeks building up to the event and also it wasn’t a spare of the moment thing. I had most of the day to prepare myself. I told myself not to think about eating in public so it wasn’t until I got there that I panicked!!! I am sure I looked as uncomfortable as I felt but I just kept going. Although I was trying so hard to look normal, I think I stood out. I was so frightened to move I felt like a robot!! It made it easier knowing that some of the people I had eaten in front of before when I was little. Sometimes I kind of felt in my own world sitting there loosing track of the conversation. By the time I think of something to say the moments often pass. I’m just so pleased I did it. Also my parents had gone shopping so when I was to return they would not be just sitting waiting, they would be putting the food shopping away meaning that I wouldn’t be the “centre of attention” I still didn’t like the feeling though, because my parents ask lots of questions etc. The whole things was very “BIG” (if that makes sense). I know though that when faced with the situation again it will be just the same. It took so much effort for me mentally to get there. I keep thinking through the whole thing. Sorry to go on, I just had to say it to someone.

Lara, I’m sorry you experience the same thing with your father. I think a lot of families are probably like it and we all feel the same. I just don’t think they realise how they make us feel, the fact that we hold on to what people say I suppose makes it worse. I also have the problem of them not listening to me as if I’m not worth it. That’s why now I think twice about whether I really want to say something. Sometimes I just sit there and ask a question about 3 times at convenient places and they just carry on talking as if they never heard me. It just seems their natural response and I don’t understand it. They don’t even look at me. Even when my mum asks me something, I can tell her and she will forget and ask again later. Maybe she just has things on her mind though.

I know what you mean about when you return home it all starts again and brings you back down to the same level. It can be so demoralising. My life at home is a little easier when my brother is away at uni, although I love him dearly, when he returns I just find myself miserable with his comments.

To be honest Lara, initially I was scared of committing myself, but it would be nice to have your email address . I’m just scared that I would let you down in some way. For example, by not replying myself for a short period if I was busy etc. Also, I do not wish to disrupt your studying at university. However, if you are happy I am happy . Thank you anyway. I am also scared that somehow my brother could read emails. He is good with computers and could possible find them. Hopefully everything would be ok though.

Thank you

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

i always feel the same when i don't reply to emails for a while ... so don't worry about it. just write when u feel like it, ok? the address is: [email protected]

and congratulations on ur night out! i know it must have been hard for u, but it will be better the next time