PLEASE CAN SOMEONE READ

[Anonymous]

Hi im 17, soon to be 18 and female.

I feel silly typing as I know so many people suffer and I don’t want to trouble any of you but I don’t think I have other options at the moment. I feel like I’m boring you with the same old stories, however I have valued these when reading from the site as I know im not alone, but I still feel this way here in this room. I have visited this site for several months everyday as the pressure has just been building up and I think its time for me to make the first move. Im so scared that someone will somehow know that I have posted this and have never done anything like this before.
I have not been diagnosed with SP but have always been extremely shy. Day by day it just gets worse. I think the REAL SP began two years ago when I started my A levels. I went from 5 years of talking to noone to being reunited with one friend and got to know her friends. I am too afraid to really engage with them though. I have studied A level Psychology. We began to cover phobias briefly. I noticed that I had these symptoms of SP. I couldn’t believe it. I went home that night and began researching and everything I read was so ME. I have questioned and questioned whether I really have this and there are times when I think no cant be but then the anxiety creeps back and I feel sad again. Its seems strange studying psychology because I feel silly that I have read you have to change your ways of thinking etc I have thought ‘Yeah this seems ok, I will try to sort myself out’ but its so hard and I don’t think it works. Although I know there must be hope if some people are cured.
I feel like I just need someone to talk to. I cant talk to my family because they will not be understanding. They know that I am nervous etc but I don’t think to this extreme!! My mum is also very insensitive about my feelings and people with mental disorders and I would be so ashamed to admit to this and she would be so ashamed to tell people or accept that her daughter has it. I do however know that I need to talk to someone which is why I am trying this. I know that people can become attached to a ‘label’of the condition but I don’t want this to happen. I just like the fact that now I don’t feel so abnormal as I know im not alone.
I do not believe that I am depressed but I know that SP can leave me feeling in a depressive mood and exhausted from being tense. Even when I am sitting still in the least possible way to feel embarrassed I still feel immense anxiety. I can never relax. I cant even walk across a room. I cant write in front of people. This even was a problem in my exams. The examination pressure doubled as I fear of being evaluated on my performance. I have developed a terrible fear of my psychology teacher especially. I think this is because I know that he has studied psychology and I am afraid that he will find out what I am experiencing. It is in his lessons that I have suffered most panic attacks….. of course I am not entirely sure that what I have experienced is a panic attack but im quite sure. I can remember the first one very well. It was terrifying thinking that everyone was looking at me as if I was a glowing light attracting attention and my heart POUNDING away so strongly. I was trembling and couldn’t breathe. SP has left me with slight obsessive behaviours although I don’t think I have OCD. I check that pages from a writing pad are torn off to last me the day so I don’t have to tear them off in the lesson. Basically I lay everything out in a structured way to minimise potential embarrassment. I stay up to ridiculous hours to finish work to my best so that people will not judge me. However, I also hate this as if I do really well people also seem to notice me. I hope this is making sense. I don’t feel as if I am explaining myself very well.
My main problem now is that I have finished school. I am not going to uni because I don’t think I can cope. This means that I have to get a job which I think is impossible! I know nothing is impossible but still. I have never had a part time job and am not independent. I have never been on a bus on my own before. I have not been ‘out’ since July last year where it was 2 of my friends birthdays and mine and I got dragged along. I felt I had to as it was my birthday. So overall in the last two years I have been out once. The thing is since then it has just got worse. I don’t even stay for lunch at school. I cant eat in public. The problem is now that I cannot say to my friends im busy with school work. I cant believe they still ask me if I want to come the amount of time I have said no. I started to say to some of my closer friends that im scared and we sort of joke so they don’t really understand but accept more why I don’t come. All my friends are closer to others because of spending more time with them then I do. Although I love being with my friends the anxiety is still high as I fear of being rejected. I hate to upset anyone as I would feel bad, as well as being judged by others. I know that I have extreme low self esteem and lack of confidence but I don’t know what to do. I wear my coat into the summer months and I think this is because I feel safer, protected and covered up. Its like a barrier I can hide myself behind. When I stand out a lot then I rely on hoodies to cover my arms and wear trousers always.
So can anyone give me advice on how to get a job with SP? My mum is beginning to pressure me but I can’t go into the ‘big world’. I don’t have any idea of what I want to do which also makes things difficult for me. I want something simple, obviously avoiding many social situations. I don’t know how I would even get to an interview.
My SP is beginning to get so bad as I am feeling myself hiding away from my family now too. This is why I am desperate for help. It’s interfering with everything. I am not asking for a miracle cure. I just want to feel a little safer with my friends and make it manageable before I lose them. I know in general people say that other people are not interested in our behaviour or us but when I try to tell myself this the inevitable happens where it is clear that someone is laughing. i just cant get rid of these negative thoughts. if i dont have SP then im so confused.

If anyone has read this far I would like to say a BIG thank you for reading it. If anyone has time please could someone give me some advice or just speak to me. It would mean a lot. I would be very grateful. I hope I havent offended anyone.

 

[Anonymous]

Hiya 17 almost 18!
Don't worry, you said absolutely NOTHING that could possibly offend ANYONE, but are you aware of why the possibilty occured to you? Yikes... I hate to say it, but it DOES sound as if you have SP, a fairly intense SP at that. But don't freak.. it's not the end of your life, just time to try changing and making a new one.

There is nothing you wrote that we all haven't experienced at one time, or all the time. You are not alone in this, AT ALL, and remember this site and that someone will be here for you, to listen, share, what ever!

I told my parents about my SP about 3 years ago, my Dad feels badly about it, and he tries to comprehend how I feel or what I must be going through, but it's extremely difficult to do that unless you experience the disorder personally, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially not my Dad! My Mom is still in denial about it, but at least when I throw a 'tantrum' now, she walks away instead of aggravating me more! Don't worry, they will come around eventually!

Take baby steps 17, one day at a time, and I know it's especially difficult, but TRY not to worry about things until it's absolutely neccessary, (like telling your parents) and skip it then too, if you can! :wink: Wait for the right time and just make 'excuses' in the meantime to get you by!

Best of luck and wishes!!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi!
You are in the right place not only because you definitely have SP but also because we are all here to listen to eachother and help as much as we can.
But first of all I think you should help yourself by telling your parents about how you feel.I`m 28 now and am succesfuly recovering from SP but till this day I regret the fact I did not tell my mother sooner about it.I also felt she wouldn`t understand me but if I had told her I wouldn`t have spent the best teenage years in pain and struggle.I came out of the closet after she died.
You have to understand it is very difficult for a healthy person to understand this illness since it`s mental and psyhical manifestation is not as obvious as we experience it.Not any of my friends has ever noticed there was something wrong with me-that is why your friend still ask you to accompany them-you seem as the same person to them.I`m saying all this so that you would understand the fact that your parents probably won`t accept it right the way, but be smart-educate them about it(literature,internet) and most important let them know you need them.
Telling your teacher is also not a bad idea.Maybe he/she could recommend you some psyhiatrist or other professional help.
Just be brave as you were when you wrote this post and don`t lose hope cause you have no reason to.I`m the living proof!
Bye!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I really appreciate you reading this, it has meant a lot to me. Thank you so much for your advice. After I posted yesterday I was shaking. I kind of regretted what I had done.
I feel really scared now that someone else rather than just my own opinion has said they think I have SP. I really don’t think I could ever tell my parents. I think I’ll keep it a secret. If they were to find out, I would like to have something prepared of how I would explain myself?? They used to not really let me go out when I was little, which I suppose could have contributed to SP. Now I have finished school etc, they are noticing that I am still not going out. They are actually trying to encourage me and they are asking for reasons. I’m running out of good excuses!! It was yesterday that it was a friend’s party and I didn’t go again! I think they are noticing a pattern, it’s making me more scared and confused. I wish they could just leave me alone sometimes.
I know its difficult for a ‘normal’ person to understand how we feel which is exactly why I cannot tell anyone, no one would understand. They would say, ‘just get over it’. This is why I am so pleased that someone who feels the same as me has responded. I cannot possibly go to a psychiatrist. I couldn’t imagine myself there and I wouldn’t say how I really felt anyway. Also it’s the same, although they may really understand ‘us’, they will never fully unless as you say, have experienced it themselves.
I still can’t believe I’m managing to write on here! If I don’t, I think it will get worse and then I would be even more embarrassed about seeking professional help if it got so so bad! Although somehow im determined not to let that happen
Thanks again

 

[richkid]

It must feel a bit better to know that you friends can laugh about it to some extent. My advice to you is to tell someone you know you can trust. I guessing sometimes when your in groups is more difficult, and as a result feeling more and more withdraw as it loks like your friends are getting closer. Try one to one, do something a build on your social skills with them. Try new things, and if they don't work like you hoped there is less embarressment. I think your friends if will understand and be able to support you if you let them know. I say this because I started to believe nobody would want to be my friend and slowly started to aviod anyone and everyone. Not a wise move. The friends you have know, will be ones you have forever keep them close, let them know or at least one person.

Don't run away from it, because you will regret it. If they are encouraging you to go out thats saying something surely. They must lie being with you, you sound like a nice person to be with.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi
I am a 35 year old woman. It sounds like all of us with SP are really nice people. I think the world needs more humble people like us. Don't you agree?
The worst thing about how you feel is the fear of people thinking you are mentally ill. (You are NOT) Your teacher would not be much of a professional in the field if he looked down on you. Some of your anxiety may go away about your teacher if you try and speak to him.
Have you told your doctor? That is the best place to start.
I have recently found out that I have sp. I tried working in retail for about 3 years. Finally I could not stand it anymore. I started my own house cleaning business. It pays well. Hard work. For me, I would rather work hard then be around people. I am hoping after I get counceling I will be able to feel comfortable around people.
I have 2 kids and it is so hard for me to go to their games, school functions etc... I go when I think I can handle it. Everyday is different.
Hang in there. This is not a brick wall. I have been able to overcome a lot over the years by myself believe it or not. I can drive now. I don't wear my coat in summer time to hide myself anymore!! (You believe I did that too!!) I can go to the grocery store and I am able to talk myself through my anxiety.
Tell your doctor!!! Take care
Laura

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Laura and Richkid,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! It really, really means so much to me being able to talk to someone.
I understand what you are saying about not being mentally ill as SP is just an exaggerated response of an individual, but the rest of the world who are classed as ‘normal’ do not see it this way do they?? I do think it would be nicer to have more people like us around!
I could never talk to my teacher. During the whole course I think I’ve only said a few words to him because it was absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t want to put him in an awkward situation. It’s a shame though because I think he was great teacher! I only have to go back to school once more now to collect my results, just one more time to face him
I have not told my doctor, and couldn’t. I have only been to the doctors when I was very little. My mum doesn’t believe to keep going.
I’m pleased you can drive now This is also another ones of problems though. My parents are really forcing me to learn but I don’t want to, I’m too scared. When I was at school I just said that I wanted to concentrate on my work. I’m glad I’m not the only one who does the coat thing! It seems silly doesn’t it but I can help it.
You are right about the groups of people. In fact I don’t make any comments. The longer it goes on for, I then start feeling bad for not saying anything and the anxiety gets worse. I don’t know how to stand or anything. I feel so stupid! I have thought about telling a friend but even if you can trust them, you still don’t know how they would react, or if they would understand. It would be difficult to choose who as well. I will think more about it though. Finishing school means the only contact I will really have with them is by going out so I feel as if I’m getting left behind.
Thank you again so much and for your advice

 

[ella]

Hi!
Last time I wrote you under the `Guest`,I was logged out.
I feel like you are my little sister,probably because I`ve gone exactly through the same things you`ve described(even the covering up thing).So,please don`t get me wrong when I say I still insisist on you telling someone about it.You have to realise there`s no plan B.I don`t want to discourage you,but unfortunately SP will not go away by itself and there are no miracles.I think you are still very young,brave and smart,so don`t let it take the best years from you!
I know you probably won`t listen to me,but at least promise me you`ll do it some day and I`ll leave you alone! Belive me,you`ll wear high heals and short skirt in no time,like I do today! :lol:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Ella,

Its nice of you to reply to me again. I can’t tell you enough how much I really appreciate it. I’m really stuck of what to do now. I am listening to you about telling someone but it feels too weird. My mum and dad would probably just laugh at what I told them and ignore it if they didn’t acknowledge it. if they did accept it then would ‘hate’ me as I described before for ‘wrecking’ the family, if you know what I’m trying to say. Also, what if they did try to make me go to see someone- I just cant tell them. As for a friend, well as the days go by it just gets worse. I don’t know whether they are going out anywhere or not anymore. Being at school gave them the chance to ask me. I don’t blame them for not contacting me as they know I wouldn’t go. If I was somehow to convince a friend, I don’t want them to feel as if they have to act different around me, or feel as if they have to set time aside to talk to me. I don’t want to ruin their life. I can’t just suddenly turn around and say how I feel. I couldn’t ring them either because I’m too scared to use the phone.
My family and I are going away soon and my dad is like now we (my brother and I – he’s really intelligent and everyone is proud of him(He’s 20 and at university)) are older we could go out to restaurants and stuff, maybe. Can you imagine what I thought?! I don’t know what I’m going to do!! Part of me thinks this is my chance to try it because I don’t want them to notice. I just wish I could stay at home though.
I don’t know what to do now because in a way I feel like I have told someone talking on here, but I haven’t really. It’s so hard to keep it a secret as well. Finding time to post when I wont be disturbed! I wish I could get books and stuff to help me, but they would notice.
About the high heels and skirts, that would be great because at the moment my wardrobe if full of the same stuff! Anyway, sorry, why do I always go on for ages! I’m also sorry if I seem like I’m being really negative and not listening but I am
Thank you!

 

[ella]

I completely understand you since fear of telling someone,of being `discovered` and embaressed,or talking to a person of a higher authority(a doctor,teacher)is the natural part of SP.So,I give up! As for the restaurant,my little practical advice would be not to avoid it,certanly not to think about the event in advance(I know it`s hard) and when already there,try to concentrate on other present people,your brother,father,not on yourself.You`ll notice you`re not in the middle of attention,nobody`s looking at you,neither laughing or judging you.Even if someone does,it would probably be some boy who likes you!
I`m gone for now,but I`ll be around! :lol:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Ella,

Just wanted to thank you so much for the advice!! I will certainly try that out if and when the situation occurs.
I feel lost now. This site seems the only way forward but its not because I have to do something about it myself. I just WISH that I could talk to someone. Sorry I’m having a bad day today about the way I feel about it I need a friendship with someone. I feel so alone. Sorry to sound depressive. I feel I have wasted your time because you all suffer from it and I seem to be the only one complaining, so I’m just so so Sorry!!

 

[Haughton]

The best advice that I can give is to do your best not to avoid going out to dinner with your dad and brother. I used to dread the thought of going out to eat. I was always sure that everyone would stare at me and say to themselves "he doesn't belong here". Luckily I had a friend who all she wanted to do was go out and eat. So I ended up spending a lot of time in restaurants with her. Now when I go out and eat with someone else, it doesn't bother me at all. I don't even think about it. My next step is going out to eat by myself. The thought scares me, but I know that one day I will just make myself do it.

When I was younger, I used to wear a jacket in the middle of the summer too. At the time I didn't even know why I was doing it. I kept telling myself that it was because I'm very thin and I didn't want anyone seeing my arms, now I know that I was using it for protection. The only reason I stopped is because my dad kept riding me about it. Now I'm glad he did.

I have not been diagnosed with SP, but everything that I have read sounds to me like have it. I have learned that I have to take things one step at a time. I know that I will not just get over it like some people seem to believe. But if I take things one step at a time and not get down on myself I will eventually be able to cope with it.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Haughton,
Thank you so much for your advice and sharing your experience with me. I’m pleased you can eat in public now. It all seems so simple that I just have to do things in stages but I have no one to do these small steps with. I know I keep going on about not be able to tell anyone, but I really cant! Until then I think I’m at a dead end and I know that it’s just getting worse. I think going to school was the only thing that kept me from completely withdrawing from the world. Now I have no reason to go out I’m stuck. I just hope that somehow when I get a job, it will keep me going again, although I hate the thought of it all. I have thought about this for so long about pretending to be confident in a new situation, to start new, then no one would know that I am afraid. I don’t think it would work though because I’m so nervous, people would see me shaking and I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Sometimes I try to say things but nothing comes out. Does that happen to anyone?
I haven’t heard from any friends and don’t want to contact them because I feel like I am disturbing what they are doing. The longer this goes on, the more I am going to get left behind. I feel like there is no way out. It’s like going to a restaurant to eat. I haven’t eaten in front of anyone for years and years. I think, right, maybe I need to try it in a comfortable atmosphere, like in someones house with some friends. Not too many, but not just one or they would definitely look at you. I can’t set up these little stages though. It just seems impossible. Its so annoying that other people will just do these things without thinking about it. Everything I do its like, no I feel I cant, I’m too scared. It’s too many situations to deal with. To me a ‘comfortable’ setting is bad enough, speeches etc are totally out of the question! I remember them at school, or even returning to school after the holidays, I would be sick days before with worry
Sorry I’ve gone on again but I think more comes out than I mean to when I start. Thank you again though.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi there, don't be sorry for complaining so much. After all, it's good to have someone to talk to, even if it's just in a forum on the internet
I think you really should not be worried about going to the restaurant with your dad and your brother, just try and see it as a first small step. And I also think you should contact your friends. Even if they don't want to talk to you again, then at least you'll know. But I don't think they won't: maybe they feel just the same about keeping in touch with you as you do about contacting them. Maybe they think you don't want to have anything to do with them anymore since you don't ring them up. After all, they don't seem to know about your problem, so why should they think otherwise? But I know it's hard, and I would lead a far happier life if I could stick to my own advice :wink: because i'm also very quiet and never know what to say or how to behave when i'm with other people. I always have to force myself to go out or ring up some friends because i always think they've got better things to do than hang out with me, they can't possibly like me etc. And it doesn't help much either that I keep telling myself that this is complete rubbish. I'm always in doubt and very nervous and insecure around others. However, the way I see it i have no choice: i have to socialise even though it's very hard for me. But otherwise i'll never learn to feel confident around others. After all, you cannot hide away at home forever, can you? Maybe we should not think so much about what could go wrong if we do this or that, but just do it instead ...

 

[Anonymous]

oh, something that just came to my mind: i also think maybe u should get professional help even though it's hard for you. But if you feel that u can't talk to your doctor, why don't u write it all down and let him read it?

 

[Anonymous]

)

oh, something that just came to my mind: i also think maybe u should get professional help even though it's hard for you. But if you feel that u can't talk to your doctor, why don't u write it all down and let him read it?

Yeah that's a good idea -> send him a letter!

I need a friendship with someone. I feel so alone. Sorry to sound depressive. I feel I have wasted your time because you all suffer from it and I seem to be the only one complaining, so I’m just so so Sorry!!

Well you shouldn't feel alone. We can be your friends. And you shouldn't feel that you wasted our time and you shouldn't feel sorry for that!!! :x
Don't let the negative, low self-esteem thoughts overwhelm you.

Good luck!!

 

[kc69]

. But if you feel that u can't talk to your doctor, why don't u write it all down and let him read it?

I think thats a really good idea, you could write down you'r thoughts and feeling and when you get there if you feel confident enough you could read them to you'r doc. and if not you could let him/her read it.

I think thats a really good idea, nice one Lara :mrgreen:

kc

 

[kc69]

Please don't say sorry you have no reason to be.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I don’t know whether anyone will believe what I’ve done!! Thank you to everyone. I had this really strange half an hour where I wrote an email to one of my best friends. After what people had said, I thought so hard about telling someone. It felt like there was no way out. I just wrote the email and thought if I never send it I may regret it like some of you said. To be honest I sort or chickened out because I sent her this website address and told her what to read . I sent it and tried to forget about it because there was no going back. She sent me a nice email and appears to understand, but I don’t really know because I haven’t spoken to her properly yet. I said, even if we never mention it again, I am pleased that I told someone, just sharing it helps. No matter what people say I still felt bad to keep complaining on here. Now though I am concerned about what she really thinks. I don’t want to throw this onto her. So I’m still stuck, anything has to be some sort of progress?? I found myself in the email saying as if I don’t really have the disorder but more that I am just very very nervous?? I think this is because I’m still trying to protect myself of what she may be thinking?? Should I do this or not because I really feel like I have it but don’t want to accept it. I do want help though. It’s so uncomfortable as these social situations really seem not to be a problem to other people, and there are many other people in the world who are worse off than myself. Although I know that who is reading this knows how hard it is though??

So thank you Lara, nervousGuest and Kc69, I could still never go to the doctor but your words about writing it down to show them is what has made me able to tell a friend. I don’t know what will happen now. I am even scared what she will say next or whether I can look at her I just hope I have done the right thing.

Its worse with my family now because my mum keeps bringing stuff up. She says like ‘you’ve been shut up in the study too long working and now you wont come out, your silly why don’t you just go out? Why do you keep turning them down? she gets quite angry and I don’t know what to say because of the whole thing about SP. She says what excuse did I give them etc. That makes me feel bad because I tell them I am scared but won’t say anything to mum. Its so hard to know what to say to her. Even if I did go out then she would be the first to complain that I came home late he he

Ive gone on again too much sorry. Thank you so much though. I just wish I knew what was going to happen next???? after all this isnt really dealing with the actual social situations

 

[Anonymous]

I'm not to sure but, I heard that it could be from a hormonal imbalance.
Maybe you should try eating right or exercise and try some breathing exercises. i heard that the breathing exercises can help keep your mind in the present and just to concentrate on your breathing whenever you feel an anxiety coming on. concentrate on the air coming in through the nose into your lungs and coming out too. maybe this will help. and go to the library and find some books about social phobia/anxiety that will help and just pretend that you need those books for a research paper for school. oh and, why not try to email your friends and your parents and tell them to read this post that you wrote. maybe it will be easier to tell them this way. because you have everything about how you feel and situations that you experienced and why you do the things you do.