Pissed off with people who don't understand!

[recluse]

I'm pissed off and hurt and the reason is my grandmother and mother. Yesterday they were talking about someone they know saying that he's a quiet man, and then commented on how they don't like people who are too quiet because ''you don't know what's going through their minds''..........So is this what people truly think of quiet introverted people? Why do people who don't understand think that because we are quiet that we are plotting something in our minds? I wish i could explain that people like me usually have minds which go totally blank when we are nervous so we don't know what to say o'r talk about, because that's how i feel when i'm with someone, just this blankness in my head, and i'm certainly not deviously plotting something terrible! I along with probably other people who are the same don't have a sly streak in them.

I'm hurt more because of the fact that it was my mother and grandmother who say this. I really thought that they were different. So does this mean they hate me because i am quiet o'r not?

 

[HexNoir]

I doubt they dislike you for it. But whenever I'm around somebody who doesn't open up to me, I feel the same way. I feel like 'Well, what the hell are they hiding from me anyway?' - and then I realize that I'm giving off the wrong signals by being so quiet and not speaking my mind.

I think I may have realized what it's like to open up to myself and be honest with myself for once in my life and I feel like that's the only way in order to begin to do so with others. More and more I guess I feel like I can be myself, weather I get shot down or not for what I say, and so far, it's been a hell of a lot better.

I definitely recommend getting comfortable with yourself, and learning to like yourself as a friend. If social phobia/anxiety/shyness is all built from low self esteem, then we don't need injections. We don't even need pills. And for the other non-drinkers and non druggies like myself, fuck the poison. We just need some proper self love... and learn to reach outward with it.

 

[recluse]

I wouldn't say i am overly quiet, i do actually get talkative moments but i get periods where my mind is just blank and i can't think what to talk about. I often feel like coversation is pointless.

 

[alex29]

i can totally relate to how you feel. its frustrating! I've heard that comment about quiet people too, "it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for" and similar things like that.

it can be true sometimes, but not all the time. it's not right to say you dislike quiet people, b/c then youre painting all of us with the same brush. thats unfair. i'm quiet all the time but I never think bad thoughts!

I feel more comfortable around my family than my friends and when they say things like that it bothers me a lot, so im sorry youre hurting too. but i don't think they dislike you for it. You both need to see it from each others POV.

 

[alter_ego]

It used to bother me when I was younger and people said things like "it's the quiet ones who are the worst". But I'm not as shy now and I'm only quiet when I don't know people very well and if anyone makes a remark like that I just laugh and come back with "No, it's the noisy ones you have to worry about." :lol:

I doubt if your family were referring to you but I can empathise, I'd have thought like that too a few years ago. Just believe in yourself. You'll gain more confidence with time.

 

[sidney]

heh this might be weird but when people say im quiet i usually say "im not quiet, im plotting" as a joke to make them laugh and to divert the subject from my shyness, how ironic

 

[hippiechild]

hmmm...I don't see how a fellow social phobic could so easily misunderstand someone else being quiet and not opening up. When ever I find people who feel safer in the corner or back of the room and quietly watch the conversation rather than being a blabber mouth, I feel more at ease. It's somewhat nice when there are people like myself in the room...it takes some of the focus off of both of us. The only time that other quiet people's company can be difficult is when we are the only ones. It's hard to sit and listen to the conversation unnoticed when neither of you are talking haha

As for people talking about quiet people and totally misunderstanding them, I have had a very similar experience to Recluse. I have a cousin-in-law whom is very quiet and most people have never heard him talk. At family gatherings he is the center of attention, being a new part of the family and all, and he usually doesn't say more than two word answers, if any, to questions. After the gathering when he had gone, everyone started gossiping about him. They would say, "yes..oh my! He didn't reply to me..or even look me in the eye!"
"YES, how rude...I wonder what he is really thinking! Probably thinks he's too good to talk to us huh," another would say.
This could go on forever and I'm always infuriates me! I always have to step into the conversation, with effort, and set them straight...usually in as raw and icy words as I can!
How can they not see what I see? How do they not see the anxiety and fear that they are causing him? Why don't they remember the few kind words that he did say and the meek little smile that he used in an attempt to make up for his silence? Is this the way that they see me as well?! I would figure that after having to deal with my shyness for 8+ years they would have some level of understanding!