People make remarks because I am by myself a lot...

[queenhelena]

I often get called a loner because I don't hang out with anyone. Especially by guys. Guys are the only ones that point it out. I think its because I am a chick. I don't know. But the fact is, is that I really love being alone. I love who I am. But it still hurts to be called out on it. I know I should ignore it, but when people always make comments it really is a constant reminder to me and it feels like they try to put me down to make themselves feel better because they have what I don't have or I don't know another reason why people might do it. But I my chose to be alone. I feel like saying why can't you see that's who I am and get on with your own lives. I don't talk about them like that. I accept them for who they are.I just don't get it in return:/ But anyways, I have this person who comes over for my house for counseling and she acts like she knows everything all the time. But what aggravates me the most is when she reminds me I don't have a social life when I am in my room. She thinks I hide in there. She wants me to come out more. But I don't want to. I feel like I am not accepted by anyone. I get this feeling like she controls me and laughs about it. This happens when I don't have sessions with her. It's like why can't she mind her own business and help the person you came over to help. Two sessions ago she make a comment saying that I hide in my room but I wasn't I was so exhausted because I didn't sleep the night before. My sisters still told her I was tired and she still said it. It makes me so frustrated. She always does things like that. I feel like I have controlling people in my life. I need help coping with it. My mom is controlling too. I just need some tips. Has anyone dealt with a controlling person before? How did you deal with it? Please help me out here!! Also have you dealt with a situation where people called you a loner and called you out on it? How did you deal with it? I just want to help myself and become a better person. Thanks.

 

[skins]

I think its just guys because you are a chick and its their inadvertent way to try and make a move on you (it never ceases to amaze me the lengths some guys will go to to try and get a date!?)

I think the reasoning behind it is, if they guilt you into being by yourself you might be tempted to just give in to their peer pressure and say "hey, why don't you call me then and we can hang out sometime"

The reason I say this is because I'm a guy and have never been called out by this on anyone that I can think of. Cudos to you that you are happy to be by yourself though, I wish I could feel the same...you could be a real smart-*** back to them by saying "I like to be alone to avoid hanging out with lossers like yourself"

 

[queenhelena]

I never thought of that. Thanks for your help:

 

[jaim38]

My experiences are a little different. I get called/pointed out as a loner a lot on campus, especially from girls not guys. It's the girls who blab and gossip the most as well as the first ones to notice the little social things in my experience. It bungles my mind why a guy who's sitting alone isn't called a "loner" but a girl who sits alone gets this label. Maybe girls are conditioned by society to never be alone. No wonder many girls are scared of sitting alone, or being alone in public.

 

[savagewisdom]

I understand not liking it when others call you out on your solitary lifestyle. I feel bothered when people point it out too. While I do enjoy spending time alone, I do desire human interaction here and there. Do you feel the same or are you completely content with spending all of your time alone?
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the comments of others bring you down. It sounds like you may be a bit insecure with your solitary nature, otherwise why feel so bothered by the opinions of others?
I don't mean for that to sound rude. I can relate to how you're feeling, and whether or not you feel insecure, I understand and am not condemning you for it. I also understand that people naturally care about what others think of them.
As far as controlling people go, just make it a point to assert and stand up for yourself. Do what you want to do. Don't pay those kind of people any mind. Of course I think it's always good to take others thoughts into consideration, but at the end of the day you're the one who has to live with yourself so do what you feel in your heart is right.
If you are not comfortable with the person you have sessions with and don't feel like you're gaining any benefits, maybe you should consider ending your sessions with her and finding someone else.
I'm sorry you don't feel accepted by anyone. I feel that way too. I accept you though.

 

[queenhelena]

I am completely content with spending all of my time alone. I feel like it's better for me to not be with people in general as for being with people makes me feel like I am alone more than when I am not with them. I don't have any insecurities about myself. I love myself more than anyone else can. I just get these flash backs of what they done in my head and it just won't go away. They keep haunting me. I think another the reason it bothers me is because I suffer from sadness with depression. It's not entirely under control and either are my flash backs. I am also very observant and very sensitive to what goes on with my surroundings. Especially when things happen to me. I really appreciate your reply and this really helps me a lot. I feel so much better knowing there is someone else that accepts me. Thanks I accept you too.

 

[SilentAndShy]

I used to get remarks when I was a teenager by my brother who used to say "Ain't you got any friends?" because I used to be at home alot and I didn't say anything because well it was true. I never knew what to say in response so silence was the answer.

 

[Timbo]

There's a great book called Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto. It might make you feel better or a least normalize your situation.

 

[Whoopdeedoo]

Omg i am so glad i found this site.
I have so much identification with everyones views.
I find people are nice in small doses these days myself.
I used to be a far more social being.
But socializing has become laborious to me of late.
So i keep away from the maddening crowd for the most part.
I have a very rich inner life and I enjoy exploring and studying the subtlies and nuances of life

I think you need to cherish who you are. You sound wonderful.
I think you may have a little work ahead of you though with regards
to your mom. You need put forth boundries and limits with her that display that you are an individual with preferences and desires. But do so respectfully and consistantly In order to
establish separateness from her.
This is a normal transition that will take place as go from dependence to independence.
The thing to do now is show her that you can be trusted to make sound responsible decisions and actions.
Start displaying a little interdepence too. Ask her if she needs help doing anything or take initiative and do things you know that need to be done without her asking. She will extend priviledges to you if she knows she can trust you.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

My experiences are a little different. I get called/pointed out as a loner a lot on campus, especially from girls not guys. It's the girls who blab and gossip the most as well as the first ones to notice the little social things in my experience. It bungles my mind why a guy who's sitting alone isn't called a "loner" but a girl who sits alone gets this label. Maybe girls are conditioned by society to never be alone. No wonder many girls are scared of sitting alone, or being alone in public.

That's horrible that some people would do that. I don't go around and blab about how annoying people talk/blab about nonsense things. I think the only reason the pick on people different from them is that they clearly want to get a rise out of it, despite the person they've hurt.


"Maybe girls are conditioned by society to never be alone."

It's funny how society generalizes onto people that girls are naturally social creatures and make friends more easily than guys. That's partly not true. I feel like I'm more of an introverted guy, but I'm trapped in a girl's body. I'm not naturally social no matter who I talk to. I hate that I see girls having to gossip and talk someone behind their back when that person did nothing to them. They're bullies.

 

[fate12321]

Yeah I remeber in middle school, it was my first year in a new school, I was shy and wasn't really use to meeting new people. It's funny because no really even cared that I was new. No one rally bother to say at least "Hello".
Anyways to make a long story short, I use to hang out by myself a lot during school, and some people actually use to make fun of me. I remember there was this one kid who even pointed at me and said, "Haha look at that loner".
The way I delt with the situation was simple, we'll for me. Alli did was just ignor them. I would usually just up head phones on and just listen to music.
As for a controlling person, we'll, I've actually never felt with one, yet.