People like me.

[lovelove]

I just turned 16 in Febuary 2008 and ever since my family and I moved when I was in the 5th grade, I've created this fantasy world in my mind.I've always been a shy person,so when I moved it was extremely hard for me to make friends.I didn't and still don't really like my domestic/family life either.Since I hate school and don't like home it's like I have no where else to go but to daze into this fantasy world.I'm extremely sad all the time,and find myself crying a lot.For the last couple of days I turned the"on switch" to my fantasy world "off".Now that it's "off" I find myself extremely sad and crying a lot.The thought of comitting suicide has been on my mind a lot lately.The only thing that is stopping me is that I don't want people to think I did it so somone could feel "sorry" for me or miss me.I have much hatred for pitty and I feel that I don't need it.The only reason why I've been considering suicide is because the pain is unbearable.


I've been very lonely,and I don't have any friends.I think part of the matter of me not having friends is due to my extremely low confidence.I'm not the type to go up to a someone and say "hey what's your name."

Ironically, I don't have a low self esteem but I don't like myself.I'm not referring to how I look but my personaility.When I try to open up to people I come across kind of "fake" like I know it's not the real me.I don't know how to open up completely.

I hate being the center of atention,because I assume that if any antention is directed to me,it's negative.Also I have a nag for thinking people are always talking about me.I HATE criticism and I try not to do anything wrong or anything out of the ordinary.Sometimes I think I'm just naturally unappealing.I have a craving for acceptence and being liked,I want it more than anything in the world.

My parents and I aren't close at all.I know they care about me but if I were to tell them I think I have a personaility disorder I know for sure they would brush it off and say something like "what are you talking about? No you don't." I told my mother I thought I needed some kind of therapy before and that's exactly what she did.If I try to talk to the both of them about it,it's embarassing for me.

I researched a lot on avoidant personaility disoder and I have ALL the symptoms.Since I'm not 100% sure I've decided to take matters into my own hands.The first step I decided was to eliminate my fantasy world,even though I'm sad and miserable with out it.I'm willing to suffer to be the person I want to be.Is suffering necessary though? I have no clue what to do or how to cope with my saddness.I need tips on raising my self confidence and learning to like or at least be satisfied with myself.

If anyone has any advice for me,any tips?anything..I'd really appreciate.

 

[artist]

hi, you`ve got one friend, me, just by being human you are as good as anyone else on the planet, worthy of the very best that life has to offer.
look after yourself, you are very valuable, artist.

 

[Raveno]

I know what you mean about not being able to completely open up. (fake)
I too have this craving for being accepted and like, thats mostly all I want too. I'm not too sure whether I have this or not, but I do fit in alot of the symptoms. I've yet gone to the doc and tell him my symptoms.

sadly I don't know any useful tips, I'm kinda in your situation but older, 21
I wish you luck

 

[Incognito]

Start small lovelove, relax and just make casual conversation with people. If you're Avoidant it means you're constantly analyzing people's reactions to you. You've got to ignore that. That's the disease talking. I posted about my own expierence with this in the "Friendship and Love" forum. Maybe you should read it.

 

[artist]

Hi, just had a message, but probably not for me, artist.

 

[2Crowded]

I will be your on-line friend too....so now you have atleast 2 new friends.

I have SA , AP & Agoraphobia...so says the doc.
I'm going to beat these things....& so can you, it's just gonna take time.

 

[leahlove]

Hmmm I understand what you're saying about the fantasy world. It's starting to get really out of control for me since I lost all my other interests from depression and I have nothing better to do. Although it's not healthy I kind of like my fantasy world, but I need to get rid of it if I want to concentrate on anything else! I understand what your going through, I think all of us do so you have about 8,000 immediate cyber friends.

 

[limetree]

Hey, I'm a fellow 16 year old and I create elaborate fantasy worlds too in order to escape, but you're right it's like coming down depressed from drugs when you're forced to snap back to reality. Balance is key. I saw a lot of myself reflected in your post, you aren't alone.

 

[perpetual_lemon]

I think I have AvPD too, I've just started seeing a counselor. When I had mentioned it, he was very dismissive though which only worries me.

I've tried telling my mother about maybe having SA and/or AvPD and she said I was perfectly fine! It's so frustrating when no one wants to believe you, especially when you already think everyone hates you/is criticizing you anyway.

Ever since I was very young I would go off into fantasy worlds and I'd rather lay down and think of them then do anything else sometimes.
Oh I understand the fake feeling too. Whenever I talk to people I don't know well, but I see in classes, I feel so gloomy, but I try and say positive things and I feel so fake. I feel like they want to tear out of the room so they don't have to hear me talk.

My counseling makes me suffer in the way that I have to actually say my problems out loud, so I cry a lot. But it does give me hope that some day I might be able to walk outside or talk to someone without tearing myself up inside.

 

[Ashiene]

All humans are brothers and sisters in a global family.

All of us are susceptible to the same diseases, same illnesses.

All of us will die one day, no matter who you are, rich or poor, good or bad.

We cry, we laugh, we shed our tears, we have fears, we eat, we breathe, we drink.

No matter what you think of yourself, we're all genetically linked to each other.

As such, you are no different from the 7 billion other people on this planet we call Home.

 

[hartbrokenvirgo]

you have a friend in all of us...... :wink: we'll all get through this together