lovelove
Member
I just turned 16 in Febuary 2008 and ever since my family and I moved when I was in the 5th grade, I've created this fantasy world in my mind.I've always been a shy person,so when I moved it was extremely hard for me to make friends.I didn't and still don't really like my domestic/family life either.Since I hate school and don't like home it's like I have no where else to go but to daze into this fantasy world.I'm extremely sad all the time,and find myself crying a lot.For the last couple of days I turned the"on switch" to my fantasy world "off".Now that it's "off" I find myself extremely sad and crying a lot.The thought of comitting suicide has been on my mind a lot lately.The only thing that is stopping me is that I don't want people to think I did it so somone could feel "sorry" for me or miss me.I have much hatred for pitty and I feel that I don't need it.The only reason why I've been considering suicide is because the pain is unbearable.
I've been very lonely,and I don't have any friends.I think part of the matter of me not having friends is due to my extremely low confidence.I'm not the type to go up to a someone and say "hey what's your name."
Ironically, I don't have a low self esteem but I don't like myself.I'm not referring to how I look but my personaility.When I try to open up to people I come across kind of "fake" like I know it's not the real me.I don't know how to open up completely.
I hate being the center of atention,because I assume that if any antention is directed to me,it's negative.Also I have a nag for thinking people are always talking about me.I HATE criticism and I try not to do anything wrong or anything out of the ordinary.Sometimes I think I'm just naturally unappealing.I have a craving for acceptence and being liked,I want it more than anything in the world.
My parents and I aren't close at all.I know they care about me but if I were to tell them I think I have a personaility disorder I know for sure they would brush it off and say something like "what are you talking about? No you don't." I told my mother I thought I needed some kind of therapy before and that's exactly what she did.If I try to talk to the both of them about it,it's embarassing for me.
I researched a lot on avoidant personaility disoder and I have ALL the symptoms.Since I'm not 100% sure I've decided to take matters into my own hands.The first step I decided was to eliminate my fantasy world,even though I'm sad and miserable with out it.I'm willing to suffer to be the person I want to be.Is suffering necessary though? I have no clue what to do or how to cope with my saddness.I need tips on raising my self confidence and learning to like or at least be satisfied with myself.
If anyone has any advice for me,any tips?anything..I'd really appreciate.
I've been very lonely,and I don't have any friends.I think part of the matter of me not having friends is due to my extremely low confidence.I'm not the type to go up to a someone and say "hey what's your name."
Ironically, I don't have a low self esteem but I don't like myself.I'm not referring to how I look but my personaility.When I try to open up to people I come across kind of "fake" like I know it's not the real me.I don't know how to open up completely.
I hate being the center of atention,because I assume that if any antention is directed to me,it's negative.Also I have a nag for thinking people are always talking about me.I HATE criticism and I try not to do anything wrong or anything out of the ordinary.Sometimes I think I'm just naturally unappealing.I have a craving for acceptence and being liked,I want it more than anything in the world.
My parents and I aren't close at all.I know they care about me but if I were to tell them I think I have a personaility disorder I know for sure they would brush it off and say something like "what are you talking about? No you don't." I told my mother I thought I needed some kind of therapy before and that's exactly what she did.If I try to talk to the both of them about it,it's embarassing for me.
I researched a lot on avoidant personaility disoder and I have ALL the symptoms.Since I'm not 100% sure I've decided to take matters into my own hands.The first step I decided was to eliminate my fantasy world,even though I'm sad and miserable with out it.I'm willing to suffer to be the person I want to be.Is suffering necessary though? I have no clue what to do or how to cope with my saddness.I need tips on raising my self confidence and learning to like or at least be satisfied with myself.
If anyone has any advice for me,any tips?anything..I'd really appreciate.