Peer pressure- experiences or lack thereof

I remember when I was in grade school hearing all of these things about peer pressure, and that as you get older you have to deal with it more and more, learn to cope, resist it etc, but as I went through my teenage/young adult years, I really never had to deal with it at all. I know that all peer pressure is not just the "in your face" you have to do/try/be like this stuff, but can just be a pressure to conform and be like the popular or "in" crowd, or whichever one you're striving to fit in with, but I can't recall even feeling pressured or pushed like that at all. I never really "fit in," of course I wanted to, but had no clue how or was too anxious to even try. I guess from a very early age I adopted avoidant tendencies, and was always on the outside fringes, barely even able to observe how friendships and relationships in general worked, so I never had a peer group that exposed me to things that maybe I shouldn't be doing, and I was too scared to push myself into any groups or socializing. I was never around people who were smoking or drinking, nobody ever pressured me into or towards sex or anything close to it (I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 19), and to this day I have no clue what any illegal drugs look like, although I'm sure I could google it if I cared.

So, I was wondering what everyone else's experiences have been like. Am I weird for having avoided (or maybe it avoided me) peer pressures, and is it a positive or a negative, since it means that I have practically zero life experience, and haven't yet learned to handle adversity/confrontations/etc?
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Good on you, lurknomore, for not giving in to peer pressure. I have given in before and I was worse off for it. I actually still go through it today, at the age of 27, and I'm trying to break out of it. Small steps. :)
 
Good on you, lurknomore, for not giving in to peer pressure. I have given in before and I was worse off for it. I actually still go through it today, at the age of 27, and I'm trying to break out of it. Small steps. :)

Actually, my point is that I've never really had any pressures to resist, and I'm not completely sure it's a good thing, as it means I've avoided things like socializing, pushing boundaries, perhaps hindered my self discovery/growth, and haven't learned to deal with people in general.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Actually, my point is that I've never really had any pressures to resist, and I'm not completely sure it's a good thing, as it means I've avoided things like socializing, pushing boundaries, perhaps hindered my self discovery/growth, and haven't learned to deal with people in general.
Perhaps, but by not being pressured into situations, you've been able to discover your true self before most others.
 
Perhaps, but by not being pressured into situations, you've been able to discover your true self before most others.

Not in my case. I have no idea who I really am, and I hate what little I do know. I avoid interactions with people, but at the same time I do absolutely nothing on my own, as I never explore anything new or different, or go anywhere outside of work without someone else with me, usually a family member, and since I don't live that near to them, it means I practically never do anything beyond eating, sleeping, and working.
 

Tuukka40

Well-known member
IMO peer pressure isn't what it is made out to be. If you don't want to do something just say no and people usually just accept it.

I've never been peer pressured, although I have wanted to do things that people may get pressured into doing.

But when I was 15 and I was camping with a friend, they were all smoking pot. When I always turned it down, nobody cared even a little.

Which is pretty different than a video you might see in 6th grade health class where your hanging out with some friends who take out a joint to smoke; they beg you to do it with them to be "cool", then you turn it down, they stop liking you, and you realize you need to hang with a better crowd who replaces drugs with outdoor activities.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
IMO peer pressure isn't what it is made out to be. If you don't want to do something just say no and people usually just accept it.
Not all the time. It takes a few declines and then some derision like, "you're lame," or "you're gay," or something like that. Maybe it's different these days with more focus on bullying, but that's what it was like for me.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Not in my case. I have no idea who I really am, and I hate what little I do know. I avoid interactions with people, but at the same time I do absolutely nothing on my own, as I never explore anything new or different, or go anywhere outside of work without someone else with me, usually a family member, and since I don't live that near to them, it means I practically never do anything beyond eating, sleeping, and working.
Being aware of what you don't like about yourself is a good start to changing that and finding out who you want to be. :)
 

rosewood

Well-known member
i know what you are talking about. i had two friends back in high school and they were outgoing, i wasnt. they were always complaining about this pressure from this or that group. i would just look at them and say why not tell them no and they would get disgusted and stop talking to me about it. and look at me like i was a child. i think i already knew what i wanted as far as not doing drugs were concerned. i guess i did not understand the power (or the fear of not belonging since i didnt) of navigating the social strata that exists in high school. i just watched people go through so many emotional upheavals over things i thought were a waste of time, that i was grateful not to be a part of it. :shyness:

and how that might come into play later on? i have heard but never witnessed myself how getting a job is more about "who you know, not what you know". in higher levels of economic status, it seems from where i am standing that one is perpetually giving the "elevator speech", 30 seconds of selling oneself. at least this is what i have seen from those who are pretty well off, in my few conversations with them. i guess the training for that starts in high school? maybe younger.

i guess i take a little bit of comfort knowing that social phobia comes in at 3rd overall in all disorders, in the world. so even though we feel like we are alone, we really aren't. :bigsmile:
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I had it happening in highschool when kids made fun of me for not getting drunk/doing drugs.

I didn't care, though.
 
I have been pressured into things that I did not want to do. Afterwards I felt guilty and thought I was better than what I did, I regret doing those things but its all in the past. I was not in social groups involved in drugs and smoking and stuff like that at school, so it was only when I moved away from home (for the first time) to university and I felt the pressure from people I had met at uni. I was trying to fit in and wanted to be liked and now I have tried so hard to forget that part of my life but sometimes it creeps back on me and I feel ashamed of myself for being pressured by my so called mates who guess what are not my friends anymore. I thought I had more respect for myself but I guess I didn't, but have learnt i'm now studying a new course and looking up and in with a crowd who are alright and don't pressure friends. Looking back I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself but I learnt from it and now I think I am a better person.
 
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