Over reacting??

anxiousmess

Well-known member
#1
Hi All

Merry Christmas.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. He has always told me he finds commitment scary and fears away from a serious relationship.

For quite a while, I noticed when we go out or are in work. Whenever a woman walks past, he stares at their bottom. If we are in the pub, he looks over at a table and stares at other women.

When talking to women in work. He talks with them and starts smiling. Like flirting. He starts to eye them up and down and smiles. Whilst I am there.

Last night, he was interacting with a colleague. He was laid-back. Eying her up and smiling. All of a sudden, I noticed his legs spread wide open and he was fidgeting in her presence. I was convinced he was getting turned on.

I was hurt. Hurt by the fact that he did this right in front of me.

Today I pulled him up. He informed it's a man thing. He gets a buzz when speaking to people and he enjoys it. He tried to assure it was innocent and he wouldn't have acted on it. He couldn't deny it. He then dropped saying, he felt something was there. I questioned him on what he meant and was convinced he was referring to his feelings towards this staff member. He assured he didn't mean that and he hardly knows her. Only except they always talk when she comes to the office.

He apologised and said he shouldn't of done it and it now has made him conscious.

He said, he had it on his mind through out the afternoon.

It left me with a lot of insecurity thoughts and low self worth. Now I'm convinced if he has a choice, he will sleep with another woman if he gets a chance. That he doesn't want me. That he will cheat on me.

I'm not sure if I am over reacting. To stare a lot at different women in front of me - I can't help but feel insecure.
 

lily

Well-known member
#2
if i were you i would end the relationship. it's not healthy. if you have the right guy or people in your life you would feel good but if you don't have one you would feel bad, confused trying to see if there's anything to understand and it will drag you down you don't want to feel crappy- 99% - 100% of the time if you have these feelings it's b/c he's not the good guy or people you want to spend time w/ that's for you b/c you're not like that and that's my opinion. Take care and good luck in finding another loyal guy.:)
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
#3
If it makes you feel insecure, he needs to respect that. Ask him what he would think if the situation were the exact opposite, and if he saw you eyeing other guys and even flirting with them because they were attractive.

If he doesn't respect what it makes you feel, he doesn't deserve you.
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
#4
He's not respecting you by doing that in front of you. It's true that guys will look at women even if the guy is in a relationship but it shouldn't be done right in front of the woman he's in a relationship with and it should never be that creepy to where he's openly looking her up and down and getting turned on. You should see if this behavior stops in front of you. If it doesn't, you will know two things: 1. That he doesn't respect you enough to be in a relationship with you and 2. He can't control himself and therefore can't be trusted.

I'm sorry you're going thru this but one of the telltale signs is that he's afraid to commit. It actually sounds like he's trying to keep his options open in case he gets a chance to sleep around or find someone new. You two may be in different places as far as where you see your lives going at this point.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
#5
You're worth more than what he's putting you through. You have to know that you are worth a lot and that doesn't depend on him. Just think about what would make you happy and secure, then find a way to give that to yourself.
 

kuurt

Well-known member
#6
I'm afraid to commit in relationships too. For me it's because it's so very very rare to meet a girl that I feel is right for me. I never met one yet. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. There are lots of attractive girls out there, but most of them I'm not 100% attracted to for one reason or another, and I'm not just talking about their appearance. I guess I feel like I have to be 100% attracted to them in order for them to be right for me. I don't believe we get a soulmate in every life we live, but I do believe some people find a soulmate in their lifetime. I guess I compare every girl to this ideal mate who I'll probably never get. And it makes me feel like none of them are right for me.

So anyway, I can relate to the commitment issues. And I agree with Theoutsider that guys will always look at other women because they are attractive and nice too look at. Even if I were with the best looking girl in the world I would still check out other women, but I wouldn't do it in front of my woman -that is disrespectful. A guy that would do that doesn't respect you and he probably would cheat on you.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#7
I think the more you imagine the ideal partner, the more likely it is for you to be disappointed with potential partners because they simply don't live up to those standards. It's healthy to dismiss that image and simply meet every person with a clean slate, getting to know them for who they are.
 
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