AngelSong
Active member
Hi there. I am angelsong and I'm 15 I've been reading things on this site for a while now, and today I finally decided to make an account. I also somehow found the courage to post this introduction (that is if I do post it)
I don't think I have talked to anyone outside of my immediate family for about 6 mo. I don't even go to high school, I do it online.
I can't stand being in social situations at all.
When I am forced to go out somewhere I become this empty smiling shell. All I want to do is go home, and sometimes I just feel like crying. somehow I manage to be completely fake when I'm around people. Sometimes I don't even remember what I said, it's like I'm on auto pilot. I can only last so long. Once I can't take it anymore I find a bathroom or something and I just hide until it's time to go home.
Once I get home go straight to my bedroom, and think about every little stupid thing I said, or did. I overexaggerate it in my mind, and go over everything I could have done. I usually wish I would have participated more and not hid. I usually cry and feel sorry for myself afterwards/
I feel like everybody is judging me, and that anyone who is nice to me only is because they feel they have to out of pity or something. People tell me they like me and that I'm intelligent and fun to be around, but I can't believe a word they're saying. I don't understand why someone would just randomly lie about things like that, but I can't help but think that they are.
I can't ever keep friends, because I think they are making fun of me behind my back. I have no proof of this but I can't hep but feel that way.
I can't even go on chat rooms or mmogs! I just sit there and read what everyone else is saying then I leave, wishing that I had said something. Sometimes I talk online but the conversations are very shallow. The moment the relationship seems to get even slightly deep I run away. I just unfriend the person, block them, and then stay of the site for a few weeks, maby a month or two. I don't plan on doing that but I do.
I'm sorry this post is so long and it's probably kind of dumb, but I'm not going to go back and read it, because If I do I know I won't post it. I have to post it. Just writing it has made me feel so much better for some reason.
I think that posting on this site amongst people who understand is my first step of trying to get better. Sorry againg for such a long post. Ok here goes *submit new thread*
I don't think I have talked to anyone outside of my immediate family for about 6 mo. I don't even go to high school, I do it online.
I can't stand being in social situations at all.
When I am forced to go out somewhere I become this empty smiling shell. All I want to do is go home, and sometimes I just feel like crying. somehow I manage to be completely fake when I'm around people. Sometimes I don't even remember what I said, it's like I'm on auto pilot. I can only last so long. Once I can't take it anymore I find a bathroom or something and I just hide until it's time to go home.
Once I get home go straight to my bedroom, and think about every little stupid thing I said, or did. I overexaggerate it in my mind, and go over everything I could have done. I usually wish I would have participated more and not hid. I usually cry and feel sorry for myself afterwards/
I feel like everybody is judging me, and that anyone who is nice to me only is because they feel they have to out of pity or something. People tell me they like me and that I'm intelligent and fun to be around, but I can't believe a word they're saying. I don't understand why someone would just randomly lie about things like that, but I can't help but think that they are.
I can't ever keep friends, because I think they are making fun of me behind my back. I have no proof of this but I can't hep but feel that way.
I can't even go on chat rooms or mmogs! I just sit there and read what everyone else is saying then I leave, wishing that I had said something. Sometimes I talk online but the conversations are very shallow. The moment the relationship seems to get even slightly deep I run away. I just unfriend the person, block them, and then stay of the site for a few weeks, maby a month or two. I don't plan on doing that but I do.
I'm sorry this post is so long and it's probably kind of dumb, but I'm not going to go back and read it, because If I do I know I won't post it. I have to post it. Just writing it has made me feel so much better for some reason.
I think that posting on this site amongst people who understand is my first step of trying to get better. Sorry againg for such a long post. Ok here goes *submit new thread*