Not ready to change my surname

W

w*n*c*a*m

Well-known member
Soon I have to renew my passport. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but I have the option to change my surname to that of my husband's. However, I am hesitant to do it. It's just a name right? But for me it is something that I am so attached with. It feels so wrong... impersonal... it's like it won't be me anymore if I change my last name. I have lived with this name since I was born I'm not ready to just give it up. I'm not a person with high status but this name is ME... I want to use this name forever. :sad:

Don't get me wrong, I want to be called a 'Mrs.' (I'm even using my married name in Facebook). I love my husband so much but I don't wanna use my new name in papers. I don't wanna update my personal details in bank, passport, workplace etc

The problem is, I know my husband will be offended. He will take this personally. :crying: What to dooooo....
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Why don't you use both with a hyphen between them? That's what so many women do in the states so you don't have to loose your birth name at all.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
A woman not fully taking my last name in marriage would be a deal breaker for me.

Call me old fashioned but if you want to commit to the tradition of marriage, well, that is part of the tradition.

I was in a relationship with a woman who said that if we got married, changing the documents would be too much "hassle", so I said "well then, the marriage ceremony would be too much hassle for me"! Lol.
 
kihira

kihira

1
w*n*c*a*m said:
The problem is, I know my husband will be offended. He will take this personally. :crying: What to dooooo....
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Are you sure, have you discussed it with him? I don't see the point of doing it unless you actually want to, its just a name, and you shouldn't offend yourself for the sake of not offending you husband. If he insists, then its being sort of possessive, in my opinion
 
W

w*n*c*a*m

Well-known member
kihira said:
Are you sure, have you discussed it with him? I don't see the point of doing it unless you actually want to, its just a name, and you shouldn't offend yourself for the sake of not offending you husband. If he insists, then its being sort of possessive, in my opinion
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I gave him a hint... told him about keeping my maiden name in passport upon renewal. At first his concern was the conflicts regarding traveling and IDs but I assured him that those won't be a problem based from my research. And then to console him I said that changing name is not a big deal anymore and many married women are now doing it. I said, I'll still be known as 'Mrs married name' by people, they won't know that I haven't changed my name unless they see my ID or I fill up a form.

He told me 'do what you want' but I can see he was upset. So I said '...and our kids will have your surname of course'.... but he replied 'But I want it to be you'. I tried to reason again but they all sound so lame he said 'You don't need to justify, do what you want'.... and then he changed the topic.

Our conversation ended fine and he seems ok ... he didn't look upset and we were even smiling so I guess we're ok with the issue? Still I can't help but feel guilty. Maybe I'm just not ready now.
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
w*n*c*a*m said:
He told me 'do what you want' but I can see he was upset. So I said '...and our kids will have your surname of course'.... but he replied 'But I want it to be you'. I tried to reason again but they all sound so lame he said 'You don't need to justify, do what you want'.... and then he changed the topic.
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Yeah I can understand how that'd bother some guys. At least at first. It would be like if I didnt want to wear my wedding ring. I mean its just a ring after all. What difference does it make? But it sounds like you handled it well enough.
 
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