Good to know you're eating well & healthier & going out and all!!
Once every 6 months isn't such a big deal, it depends how you handle it too..
Hm, okay, I can see a problem here...
he comes home and vents on me about his crappy day and when I do the same he acts like I'm bringing drama home. That was the basis of our fight.
Does he work and bring home the bacon and you're 'just at home having fun/studying'? This could be one of the problems.. It can get unbalanced if there's one money earner in the house.. Though some people seem to manage okay with it too.. (Not sure how they do it?)
I just want my guy back, not this stressed out-drinking after work-pissy guy lately...
Hm, does he have a lot of stress at work lately, or some bad company/mates who drag him with, or could he be trying to self-medicate with alcohol? I have relatives who were alcoholics and it can be a really big problem.. If worst comes to worst, find help for yourself with AlAnon.. See if there's a local group..
Can you later on agree on a different routine when he comes from work? When you're both calm and have a heart-to-heart talk?
Maybe he's hungry and needs something to eat first? Or to take a nap or a shower or something? Maybe *you* need a nap or shower first, so he can unwind meanwhile..? People can be sooo different when they are rested or have had something to eat..
In a book someone also succeeded by telling her man, 'This is just not like you..' (And after a while he started saying it himself, 'I know, this is just not like me'.. lol)
Maybe he needs to know that *you* are not his therapist either, and may have had a bad day, and that maybe talking about other things or sharing the good bits too could make your day a whole lot better?
A friend of mine told me she 'doesn't want to burden her husband right now' with some problems.. I thought it was really 'Wow,' look how caring she is.. (I'm not sure if I could do that either.) Maybe you can ask yourself if it's really important he knows something or if you can tell him a bit later or in a different way? Or if you can tell someone else who might be more helpful? (eg if it's about a problem with a professor, other students could be more helpful as they know him and can sympathize? Or it may be best to talk to the person directly and/or solve any problems if you can?)
Things can become 'poor me' competitions, where each party can compete how terribly they were wronged.. Sometimes this can be fun (depends who you do it with) sometimes it can be unconstructive..
Sometimes it can be about households chores and such too (not saying it's in your case, just maybe something to think or ask about..)
On the other hand, there must be some balance.. I've had friends and acquaintances that just 'unloaded' and weren't able to listen.. With some, you could talk about it, some didn't seem to get it.. If there's not a balance, it does not work long-term..
I can understand how someone just wants to unload - and then just gets a 'new heap of stuff' instead of peace and calm.. and might get frustrated.. Again, maybe there's a man-woman difference here.. Girls can often just laugh about it then, once both unloaded.. If it's not too long-term and too frequent.. and if it's balanced.. If someone is much more emotional or energetic than another it can sort of tip the balance and can get exhausting..
There's no need to get back to '1950's wives' and pretty yourself up with some potroast and a cheerful smile expecting the man - though with some men, it might work??
hm?
Or just using the 'holy water' approach (you've probably heard about it
) and talk to them when they calm down?
A good talk can probably help solve things, once you're both ready for it, and find solutions that work for the two of you.. (Better to not try too soon if he's still moody and you both upset, probably better to talk when you both calm down sort of..) Some people don't like to talk when upset.. There are also more and less constructive ways of talking.. You both can learn about these things..
Wishing you good luck!
