Not doing well

[MNM322]

tomorrow is 2 weeks since the issue with my neighbor, with whom i thought, we were becoming friends and now we are not talking due to a stupid misunderstanding, and me being super annoying. its not getting easier. I can't stop wondering why this is the only person I'd ever known who I felt such a connection with and so happy and yet... not even 5 months later, here i sit. i cant not blame myself... obviously it is my fault. he got mad because i was annoying him and pushing boundries. i just wanna make it right so bad. i really miss him but even more so, i feel horrible, because i upset him and i don't want him to live in fear of me or avoiding me forever. i am harmless and i would never bother him again if he didn't want me to, i just want him to be able to be free and happy and not hate me. i don't think ill ever trust anyone again. i've never felt so played or hurt in my life and also so stupid for completely misreading someone.
on top of this... all my "so called friends" have not said a word to me since it happened, no one cares how i am doing. no one texts me anymore. i am starting to realize maybe everyone who calls me "Friend" is just being nice or a liar. i feel even among my own family, i have no one i can turn to. my family knows what happened and everything but they don't know about my SA and how bad this is all effecting me. i can't keep losing people. i hate how i am so sad and so alone and so depressed and yet, not a single person i know i can turn to. how sad is that?
i talk to my dogs. yep. thats my life.
all i wanna do is make things right or try to. every time in life i hear about a misunderstanding or whatever, someone tries to mend it. i feel like if i dont try, ill never know. i am tired of feeling scared of hurting or upsetting him more, i dont wanna make eye contact with him and he thinks i am stalking him and i get nervous when i walk by his house or see him outside. even though i badly wanna make things right, right now, i live in fear. not of him persay... but of making it worse. i dont want him to remember me as a crazy weirdo or something. ugh. this suks so much. i cant even sleep tonight and normally i am in bed by 10.
tonight i was watching leno and headlines was about to come on, that was "our thing" we used to watch it every week and talk about it when we chatted, i just started bawling. its not like i live every second of my life worrying about this or whatever but things trigger it and i dont lead that exciting of a life... so i got alot of free time.
i dont know why i posted this. i just needed to vent i guess. since i have no friends to talk to. not a pitty party, its a true story. anyway, hope you all are doing better than i am. have a good week everyone

 

[Opaline]

I understand how you feel. I have had similar things happen, and it is very painful. But in time you do move on, so hang in there...

It's good you at least have dogs though I love both dogs and cats (I have a cat), but in my opinion cats aren't as good for companionship as dogs are.

I'm not very good with words of comfort, but I saw your post and didn't want to leave you hanging. I hope you feel better.

 

[MikeyC]

So...what exactly caused the misunderstanding?

I hope you can get through it and he can forgive you.

I hope you feel better.

 

[MNM322]

MikeyC.... go to the friendship/love forum and read the story there its the thread that stars with the word HELP!

I think the only way I'll ever "move on" is to move away. Otherwise stop walking my dogs, which is rude to do. I have to pass his house daily on my walks, there is no other way, unless I wanna walk in traffic. So I am reminded every single day. Its horrible.