normal expressions

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
My boyfriend and i were standing in line at a supermarket. The cashier seemed friendly but bagged kind of slow and it was making me anxious but i didn't think it would be obvious. When we got out my bf asked me if I was okay because apparently I was shaking and making weird faces? :O I just said "uhh no i don’t know" and tried to forget about it and make him forget as well. He's not the first person to say that i make weird faces. Help??
 

hardy

Well-known member
Pardon me if i am being too judgmental...but everyone has a weird face when they are put to difficult times. Right now you and me are going through an anxious life and get irritated easily. Some people suppress this emotion while others express it.

There is a 3rd kind of people...who observe this emotion. What happens to your body and in your mind when someone makes you wait...!? When you OBSERVE it is clear that the irritation and anxiety are short lived. They come and go after a while....if we can watch this more and more....the anxiety symptoms(irritation in this case) won't bother us too much. We know it will go. It's like your tolerance to these things increases and finally they wont bother you at all.

Problem comes when we give importance to the thoughts(which don't have much reality) of...i should not have this weird expression or what if my boyfriend notices me making weird faces. Actually it's not weird....it's just an expression of your anxiety/anger. Next time...watch your sensation on body or the breath when you are made to wait.It comes and it leaves. Don't give importance to what if's thoughts.Once you start observing...everything becomes clear. But it takes time to start learning to observe...patience , an attitude to know the truth ,effort ,concentration and faith(in observation)really really help.

Meditation helps in this kind of observation a lot. Google Vipassana to find out more or read this article on how to observe: The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation
 
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laure15

Well-known member
I feel uncomfortable interacting with cashiers and customer service reps too.

There is a 3rd kind of people...who observe this emotion. What happens to your body and in your mind when someone makes you wait...!? When you OBSERVE it is clear that the irritation and anxiety are short lived. They come and go after a while....if we can watch this more and more....the anxiety symptoms(irritation in this case) won't bother us too much. We know it will go. It's like your tolerance to these things increases and finally they wont bother you at all.

When the cashier is entering items or bagging, the thoughts going through my head are usually "I hope I'm not staring" and "I hope they don't think I'm staring," so I try to look somewhere else. I notice that sometimes my eyes dart from place to place and my head turns to look at different things; I try hard not to stare at the cashier because I've been bullied for staring at people and I don't want a repeat of the past. Sometimes I pissed some cashiers off because they think I don't like them because I work too hard to avoid eye contact.
 

hardy

Well-known member
I feel uncomfortable interacting with cashiers and customer service reps too.



When the cashier is entering items or bagging, the thoughts going through my head are usually "I hope I'm not staring" and "I hope they don't think I'm staring," so I try to look somewhere else. I notice that sometimes my eyes dart from place to place and my head turns to look at different things; I try hard not to stare at the cashier because I've been bullied for staring at people and I don't want a repeat of the past. Sometimes I pissed some cashiers off because they think I don't like them because I work too hard to avoid eye contact.

Hi Laure,
I stare at people too.Now I look down or sideways and start observing the sensations on my body or my breath. Believe me this works...at least i wont offend the cashier. I have made decent improvements in this area through my daily meditation. sometimes i forget about my eye-contact. It's a good feeling.

Your anxiety will not vanish away until your observation becomes really strong. Ignore the thoughts of ' i hope i am not staring' and 'i hope they don't think i am weird'. Easier said than done....hence one has to start the observation( and also learning to ignore thoughts) in easier situations first and then take this to the 'fear-inducing' situations.

And Meditation is a good ground to start the observation process. Please don't start meditating by yourselves....it is really really helpful to learn being mindful in the presence of a good Buddhist meditation teacher. Google 'vipassana' if you are interested. That's how i manage to overcome this problem bit by bit...it's difficult on some days, but it's the cure( 100% guaranteed)
 
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crazycatlady27

Well-known member
oh dont worry, i flap my hands in front of my face lol my husband thinks its funny and i also pull my hair and put my hands to the side of my neck. no one has ever really made fun of it and its only my husband who has ever noticed that i do these things. try not to think about it too much or it might make you more anxious when you go out again
xxxx
 

mikebird

Banned
Good example in a supermarket

My no. 1 intention is to get what I need and get done. Speed of others can bother me. I don't want to bother them. I move quick. Most customers are extremely old, needing a zimmer frame, moving slower than a snail. I dash through the place, swerving past everyone, whether it's packed with no atom of space for me to move, or if it's 100% empty, any checkouts open or closed, busy or slow, depending on customer or checkout speed. I just wait. I don't think I pull any strange face. I default to a broad smile, but I generally if I smile, people think I'm laughing at them or mocking them. This goes for the street. It gets to me. A wink to / from anyone accompanied by a smile, or giggle, just never bothers me, unless they threaten to attack me with a weapon.

I don't want my smile to make people to think I'm mocking a sad, gloomy, beggar... in the cold rain
 
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