no social life, makes me feel awful

[Falkor]

Hello,

I feel this depression coming up again, i'm feeling pointless.
I was browsing social networking site's and I found all this people partying, and stuff. I'm envious, because I don't have a social life.
I don't like the ''party all the way'' attitude but I like their outgoing charisma, I wish I could be like that, I'm the opposite. This makes me feel depressed. I even lied about my facebook info, that I'm in college, but I'm not
I don't want to be a person who chats with everyone around, I just want to be more outgoing, literally as well.
I'm not the type who likes to go partying and go to clubs or sortha, I just want a social life, I do completely Nothing. OK, I go to therapy, see friends now and then and my GF. But I need a social life! This is frustratingggg boredom. So this is what happens, when you isolate yourself totally and you avoid every social contact and every situation you are scared for. I totally messed it up, by hiding myself in my place, and never face the things I really wanted, I don't want to be like this anymore.

This is actually the most thing which makes me feel sad about my life, i'm getting depressed wen i think about it, and i just need to change.
I just feel awful sitting on the chair seeing everyone doing fun things and I'm sitting here waiting to death. Ok, now that sounds terrible, it's frustrating.

 

[DespairSoul]

Sassy,

I'm sorry to hear that u feel frustrated again because u don't have social life at all. Well honey u must have also patience if u want reach something. This don't go so fast as u maybe imagine. I don't know what u imagine at all. U can't look at others because u are "special" u are different u were isolated long time u can't jump from feeling agoraphobic to partying. I know u say u don't want to going parties all the time and stuff i know very well what u mean. I can relate to that what u say very well.
U lied on facebook so what?! A lot people maybe make up their story how succeful they are and their live and maybe isn't so "big bubble" which they create for friends and people? What if they lie too? Well ok party pictures are proof they don't but "status update" or information on facebook u can't trust till u don't know the person in RL. That's ,mine opinion. Sassy hang there and try be patient more to be again social take long trip not short one and u was fighting a lot to get there where u are!!! U can be proud of your self a lot!!! HUGS your D_Soul

 

[HH]

the best you can do is avoid facebook and just concentrate on sorting out what's important to you....I swear that website is more hassle than its worth. Its just a big numbers and popularity game that in the big scheme of things means nothing

 

[DespairSoul]

the best you can do is avoid facebook and just concentrate on sorting out what's important to you....I swear that website is more hassle than its worth. Its just a big numbers and popularity game that in the big scheme of things means nothing

Yes HH indeed.

 

[kihira]

You're doing well, you are moving , progressing; more of a social life will start to happen, so look forward to it and bounce back up from that depressed feeling

 

[deleted user 1]

the best you can do is avoid facebook and just concentrate on sorting out what's important to you....I swear that website is more hassle than its worth. Its just a big numbers and popularity game that in the big scheme of things means nothing

I definitely agree with you, it's like some sort of competition to see whose the most interesting and popular. Many times I've found what others put on their to be either exaggerated or false. Aside from family, whom reside in different countries, I see no use for it right now, being in the state I'm in. A couple of times it lead me to hit a deep low.

Back to the original post. It's kind of interesting, to be outgoing, it depends what your boundaries are. Perhaps try and find things that you can do that will take you a step closer to what you want, but without being too far out of your comfort zone. That's about the best I can muster at present.

 

[Falkor]

the best you can do is avoid facebook and just concentrate on sorting out what's important to you....I swear that website is more hassle than its worth. Its just a big numbers and popularity game that in the big scheme of things means nothing

Avoiding facebook will be hard, because I need to play my Cafe world game.. lol, But maybe I should not browse around the pictures of people having fun, it's depressive when I'm feeling down, so it'll only make it worse. For me, popularity means nothing too, but I like to see friends, but the point is, I don't see them very often, that makes me feel depressed, it's just that I want to keep up the friendships, But I guess I'm doing alright, I just reconnected with an old friend, so.. That's a good point.
But parties, I still avoid them, it's a big step to go to such events ::

 

[theslowesthand]

I go to therapy, see friends now and then and my GF. But I need a social life!

That would be a social life for me - I ain't even got that

I've kinda accepted that i'll never have any even remotely like a "social life. Spent way too many years alone now, and now "social" is just plain wierd for me - it's like this other "alien planet", and i'm like a fish-out-of-water. Facts are that i never was capable of normal social interaction, and i never will be, and i don't really think all my decades of isolation has actually affected that that much, ie its my nature, irrespective of nurture.
But on the positive side, it has given me an unlimited amount of time to think about things/life, analyse everything to my hearts-content, to do/achieve many things which people with a normal (social) life would never be able to do ... so its not all bad!

So this is what happens, when you isolate yourself totally and you avoid every social contact and every situation you are scared for

Yes. In hindsight, with many years under your belt, its really quite simple:
Isolate yourself totally ---gives---> Totally isolatation ---means---> .....
Avoid all social contacts/situations ---gives---> Person who has avoided all social contacts/situations in their life ---means---> .....

This is actually the most thing which makes me feel sad about my life, i'm getting depressed wen i think about it ... I just feel awful sitting on the chair seeing everyone doing fun things

You need to be careful that you dont let envy/etc cloud your vision - it can very much exaggerate the "fun" other people have

Lack of social contact, does mean one also lacks the things that social contact provides. One of the most major things (imho) is - stimulation. But as with all things good and bad, one needs to do it in moderation. From my point of view, i KNOW fully well that i seriously lack "stimulation". But my problem is that i'm like a cat or a dog, in that i am very sensitive to any stimulation of any sort, esp when it involves people. So if i were to try to increase the level of stimulation in my life, by way of people, i would have to increase it only by the TINIEST amount, lest i have another mini-nervous breakdown. You might be the same, i dunno. But you gotta ask yourself this: maybe you have always avoided social contact NOT primarily due to FEAR, but what if something inside you was "telling" you that this is who you really are? That is, maybe fear (of suffering hurts) was just one minor part of the equation, and the main part was that you just never felt "comfortable" around people, and maybe no amount of being around people will ever change that? Ie If you're born as a fish, on land, no matter what, as long as you live on land you will always still be a fish, and out of water - nothing can ever change that.

 

[lurknomore]

That would be a social life for me - I ain't even got that

Same here- not even a few friends or a boyfriend to share things with. I occasionally get together and talk with family members, but I still feel like an alien even among them.

Lack of social contact, does mean one also lacks the things that social contact provides. One of the most major things (imho) is - stimulation. But as with all things good and bad, one needs to do it in moderation. From my point of view, i KNOW fully well that i seriously lack "stimulation". But my problem is that i'm like a cat or a dog, in that i am very sensitive to any stimulation of any sort, esp when it involves people. So if i were to try to increase the level of stimulation in my life, by way of people, i would have to increase it only by the TINIEST amount, lest i have another mini-nervous breakdown. You might be the same, i dunno. But you gotta ask yourself this: maybe you have always avoided social contact NOT primarily due to FEAR, but what if something inside you was "telling" you that this is who you really are? That is, maybe fear (of suffering hurts) was just one minor part of the equation, and the main part was that you just never felt "comfortable" around people, and maybe no amount of being around people will ever change that? Ie If you're born as a fish, on land, no matter what, as long as you live on land you will always still be a fish, and out of water - nothing can ever change that.

This is an interesting view, and I agree to some extent- that I would probably be over-stimulated if I were to have more social contact than I can handle right now... but I also think that with repeating and gradually increasing this exposure, the "novelty" will start to wear off, and the over-stimulation would diminish as well. This may not be the case for everyone, but I think if you can get past the discomfort while your body is adjusting to new people/environments, the end result could be quite rewarding- even if you're only able to build up to hanging out with a handful of friends and are never the "life of the party."

 

[Phoenixx]

I deactivated my facebook account because it was so annoying and depressing to see people's photographs of their super-social lives.

^ This is basically the reason why I got rid of my facebook. I couldn't handle seeing everyone's "social lives" whereas I don't have one. And honestly, since deactivating it, I haven't felt as stressed or depressed for that matter.

 

[Hottie]

Yes facebook can create a gloomy feeling within me. I have to admit that becoz i do go out and party, it looks like i have a life from the photos. But my life is anything but social. I sit in during the weeks and crave for the weekend as so i can go out, get drunk, drugged and for what...to be around people. Without drink my life....well i would have no life.

Sas, i think that by you not going partying was not a bad decision, it could be one of the best decisions you have made. Well for me on a personal level, i am alcohol dependant and i struggle with addictions now. Where has that left me? In a worser position than before.

Please see that those pictures only give a slight perspective into ones life. You also have to remember that some people on facebook are going through awful times too. Wether it is at home, with themselves, family, friends, abuse, grief & loss, depression, anxiety, loneliness etc. People always have **** going on in their lives. Some are better than others at putting on a fake smile in these pics.

However i understand the depressing feeling it can give you. I had contiplated deleting my FB account but decided not to, as if i did i would then never talk to my 'friends'. When i say friends, they are more like aquatinces becoz all they are, are party buddies. I only have 4 proper mates (only one i see regulary).

As of now parties cause me distress. I cant do drugs, i have to watch what i drink (my tolerence i quite high so i have to have 6pints to begin to feel a slight bit relaxed), where as my friends can sit there and be 'normal', whilst im drinking quick to take the edge off.

I really dont know what i am saying, i am just rambleing on now but my main point was that i know the feeling of looking at others facebook. So try avoid searching thru the pics and profiles.
Also try think that one day this maybe you in the pics

 

[AGR]

It seems like you actually have a nice start there,maybe getting to know your friend's better,hang out more, or getting to know your girlfriend's friends?